Page 10 of Ruthless Savage

After I visited him in prison and he told me never to return, I didn’t. I was too hurt to face him. Then, soon after, his lawyer was able to get him out on a technicality.

He kept his word and texted when he was released, but told me not to visit him. He was blocking me from his life completely, so I was done.

I didn’t go see him.

I didn’t write.

I pretended he didn’t exist.

Of course, that was impossible, but I was bitter over the constant rejection. I think it finally hit me that he’s never going to want me.

He was my first crush, the first man I dreamed about kissing. But he never looked at me as more than a child.

As I grew up, that never changed.

Of course I know how ridiculous I was back then. I was young. I had no business having a crush on a grown man, but I couldn’t help myself. I still can’t seem to get him off my mind.

Except now I’m not a child, though he still seems to treat me that way. When will everyone stop treating me like I’m a little girl?

Our age difference is a huge issue for Devlin, but not for me. My father would most likely not approve either, but I would’ve fought for us.

But I’m done fighting. I can only try for so long.

When I was kidnapped, Devlin was already out of prison. He went looking for me. And once he realized I was already rescued, he stormed into my father’s home like a man straight out of hell. When those sapphire-blue eyes met mine, I felt something, and I know he did too. I could just see it. And I thought he’d finally admit his feelings for me.

But after the dust settled, he went back to keeping his distance.

It was a big deal for Devlin to show up at my father’s. No one except Iseult knew he was even out of prison. He didn’t want them to know. Wasn’t ready to face my father for failing to keep me safe, for allowing me to slip something in his water.

My father, of course, forgave Devlin for my drugging him and all that. He’d have been ridiculous not to. The man went to prison for me. That means something to someone like my father. It was honorable, and there’s nothing more that my father respects.

Thankfully, Dad hasn’t brought up marriage. Not since Gio. Yes, my sister’s husband was originally supposed to go to me. So glad I dodged that bullet.

Luckily, he was already in love with my sister. I wish Iseult would have told me right away that she met him first, way before my father arranged my marriage to him. It would’ve been easier. But she was afraid of feeling something for anyone, and of course she didn’t want to disappoint our father. He would’ve thought she was having an affair with Gio. To him, loyalty is key in a marriage, and he doesn’t take infidelity well.

But he would’ve believed her. He loves Iseult. And after what happened to her when she was seventeen, when the Russians tortured her, he would do anything for her.

It all worked out how it should have, though. My sister and Gio were meant to be. Both insane and head over heels. She was always unwilling to give herself to someone else, but it took the right person. I don’t even remember her having a boyfriend. But with Gio, she found love. And nothing makes me happier.

As for me, I’m bound to be stuck with a man who will probably be someone in the Mob or Mafia, a man who thinks of me more as a steppingstone than a wife he’s supposed to cherish. That’s how many of these men in my circle are. I’ve seen enough of them in my home when Dad didn’t think I was watching. I’d hear how they talked about their own wives, and it would make me sick.

I don’t want someone who will be unfaithful, who will treat me poorly. I’d rather die alone with a bunch of cats, maybe a puppy or two. Sounds much better than what my father plans for me. Marriages in our circle are not about love. They’re about alliances, money, or power. Usually all three. It’s sad when you think about it.

I consider running away often. Starting a new life somewhere. But, of course, that’s a fantasy I can’t afford. You can’t live on your own with no money. And I don’t have any of my own.

Hopefully I have some time before my father finds another man I don’t love to marry me.

My mind instantly zips to Devlin. Things are so much more awkward now than they were when he was previously my bodyguard. Because now he actually knows how I feel about him.

Way to go, you. You just made things a lot worse for yourself.

In the past three months since he’s been in New York with me, he’s barely said a word, and when he does, it’s to tell me what to do.

When he accidentally touches my hand or my arm, I swear I catch on fire.

Does he feel it?

If he does, he never shows it. And my heart breaks every time.

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