She takes my hand in hers, squeezing reassuringly. I don’t know why she’d want to touch me knowing what I’ve done.
“I didn’t think of them as family. My brother was my only family, and I’d always look out for him. So, when he fell into drugs and started dealing, I was approached by the feds.”
Her expression slides into a frown.
“They had two options for me. Rat on the gang or let my brother get taken to maximum security federal prison, where they told me they’d have him killed.”
“My God…” She shudders.
“I tried to find another way out, but I failed. I chose my brother over the gang, and Palmer found out.”
“Oh, no!” Her hand cups her mouth.
“Yeah… He killed him right in front of me, then made me bury my own brother on his property.”
“That’s… I’m so sorry, Devlin,” she cries, throwing her arms around my neck, holding me like a child before she perches back. “How did you get away from them?”
“I had some help from some associates. Then I disappeared to the East Coast. This is going back twelve years, but I guess they know how to hold a grudge.”
“So now they want to kill me to get back at you some more?”
“Aye. They know I don’t give a shite about myself, but you?” I clasp her face and stroke the corner of her mouth with my thumb. “I’d do anything for you, and it seems like they’ve bloody well figured it out.”
Her hand comes over my wrist, her eyes misting over with fresh tears. “I’m sorry you had to make such a difficult choice. I don’t know what I would’ve done.”
“I’m sorry you’re getting caught up in my mess. It’s what I wanted to avoid, but it seems like they won’t let that happen.”
“What are we gonna do now?”
“You’re gonna lie low, and I’m gonna find them and kill them.”
Her inhale stills in her lungs. “You say that so easily.”
“That’s because it is easy for me.” I lay a palm over my heart. “But feeling what I feel for you? Now that’s scary as hell, Eriu.” My forehead meets hers as I take a deep breath. “It’s why I can’t let myself have you. There’s too much that could hurt you, and I’d die before I let that happen.”
Her bottom lip trembles, too close to mine, too close to where I can taste it again. My body pumps with blood, needing her in my veins.
She pulls away a fraction, and I ache to feel her body against mine again.
“You’ll always have my heart, Devlin McHale. Nothing will change that. Not even a little car bomb.” Her sad smile rips at my soul. “But I can’t be the only one wanting this. So I guess this is it.”
Those words, they cut deep. More painful than any bullet.
I want this.
But I just can’t, God damn it! Why can’t you see that?!
I hate hurting her, but being selfish and keeping her for myself isn’t right either. If it’s not the gang, it’ll be someone else. And I can’t be responsible for her death too. I won’t bear it.
Eriu Quinn was never meant to be mine, even though every molecule in my body fights to keep her.
But my focus needs to remain on finding Palmer and his team now that they’ve come out of hiding. I will get payback for my brother and for what they tried to do to Eriu.
She sidles closer, and I tug her to me, both of us silent as my fingers stroke up and down her back. Being this near her and knowing she’s never gonna be mine is feckin’ hell.
There’s a sudden knock on the door, and she jumps to her feet and my heart misses her already.
Her face goes red and she backs up another step just as Patrick marches in, looking sternly between us.