Page 73 of A Wrecking of Salt and Fire

“Why?” she panted through gritted teeth as they circled the mat once more. “Why do you think it was a mistake?”

Something flickered in Ander’s eyes, something Katrin could not quite decipher. “Because you were confused. Because you still love him. Because you want him.” He stopped for a moment, feet flat on the floor. His hand was shaking and it looked as if a light fog curled around his feet and fists. “Because I shouldn’t have been selfish with you.”

Katrin hated herself for it, hated that she used this confession to her advantage. She swung her legs behind his, taking him to the ground and pinning his back against the mat. “I don’t know what I want. I told you that, and I’m sorry for it. Why can’t that be enough right now? Can’t we just be here in the moment?” Her breathing was labored as her chest dropped down to his, the sweat from her brow slipping down her cheek.

Ander hooked his arm through Katrin’s, flipping them until his whole weight was pushed against her, pinning her arms down with his palms. “What if I want more?”

“I can’t give you more. Not now. Not until—not until I figure out what is real.” She searched his face for any sign of emotion, but all she saw was the darkening of the silver in his eyes, the sweat that had beaded on his skin rolling off his temples.

His chest heaved against hers in tandem breaths. “Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Did you not understand what I said the other night?” he whispered between panting breaths, his brows scrunching together. “That I cannot say no to you?”

His eyes warmed back to their tidal blue-green, no longer the menacing silver of the storming skies. “Not will not, but physically, undeniably cannot. You say you are sorry, I believe you. Gods, Starling, I have no control when it comes to you. And I need control in my life. Especially now.”

Katrin’s face went sheet white, her whole body heating underneath Ander’s as he continued to speak. “Do you know how hard it has been to be around you and not speak to you? How awful it is to see you smile and laugh with the others here knowing you regret me.”

That was what snapped her out of the daze his words had put her in. Katrin shoved against him, sliding back and standing up. “How dare you say that!”

Ander sat up on the ground, face buried in his hands. “Say what? That you regret me? Lie and tell me that’s not true.”

“I don’t. I want to. I want to hate you. I want to scream and run back to the shore and tell you that it meant nothing. That I was drunk—that, like you said, it was a mistake. But I can’t. I look at you and my world disappears into nothing but the damning echo of your heartbeat—how it calls to me even in a dreamless sleep.” Katrin stepped closer to him now. “You say you can’t say no to me. I can’t hear no from you.”

Ander’s brow kicked up. “After all I’ve done to you?” And that’s when Katrin saw it, the deep-seated pain in his eyes. That someone really had hurt him like this before. That it was another tiny piece of trauma they shared. She kneeled down in front of him, cupping his cheek in her small trembling hand.

“After all you’ve done for me.”

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Ember

Potentially embarrassing herself at dinner was now the least of Ember’s worries. King Athanas was getting increasingly reclusive since his wife and his daughter had arrived in Alentus. He still kept mostly to his quarters, smoking and tending to things Ember did not want to think about. Queen Zahra was always slipping in and out with whatever young woman she had decided they would entertain that day. Ember heard the little noises when she passed by and it sent a burning twinge right to her throat.

Today would be different. Today King Athanas had to pull himself together, leave his doting wife and drugs and scarcely dressed women to attend the meeting with the senators.

The Spartanis had been on edge since the Morentian queen and princess had stepped upon the shores of Alentus. With them, King Athanas had brought six of his war ships, all outfitted with a legion of soldiers and stores of weapons and armor. If Ember did not know any better she would say the Viper was attempting to occupy their lands. But that was a ridiculous notion, since Kohl had just been crowned King of Alentus and the ties between the isles were stronger than ever.

It did not help that the entire isle had been murmuring with worry and fear after King Nikolaos decided to make an appearance at the Acknowledgement. No matter that it had been weeks ago, the fact remained—he got in without people noticing, and disappeared with his family just as quickly.

Yes, the Bringer of Shadows had seemed frightening, any person in their right mind would be fearful of a man who could turn you to nothing more than a speck of black on the ground, a shadow of yourself. Yet, there was a stark sense of pain that had lingered in his words. Worry, regret, protectiveness. You know very well where my eldest son is, Khalid. The words repeated in her mind everyday since Nikolaos had spoken them.

Nikolaos the Second was rumored to have disappeared years ago. Most believed he was just staying hidden on Nexos. That his parents kept him locked away until he took the throne. But what if he was not just being protected by his parents? What if he was imprisoned somewhere or worse, dead? What if Nexos was trying to attack Alentus, not because they wanted to take Ember’s home, but because they wanted to hurt King Athanas or because they wanted a trade? A prince for a princess. King Athanas was keeping too many secrets and Ember was going to find them out.

Ember sat in a chair toward the head of the table in one of their many studies, her knee bouncing uncontrollably as she bit the corners of her fingernails. They were all there—Remus, Linard, Asterios, Paris, Iason, Ajax. All except the Viper of Votios. Again. Iason laid his hand on hers, shaking his head. The old man had always been a stickler for Ember’s worst habit. It is not good for you to bite your nails. Do you know how much dirt resides underneath? She swallowed, an acrid taste now coating her mouth.

Ajax sat across the table, his warm brown eyes narrowed, avoiding eye contact with her. Ember huffed a much too loud sigh and rolled her eyes. The commander had barely spoken to her since Farah had arrived at the castle. She often caught him sneaking in and out of her room at all hours, his dirty blonde hair disheveled, shirt unbuttoned just enough that you could see the muscles rippling beneath.

A constant reminder that she would never have his affection gnawed away at her insides. Made her feel as though someone was dragging a knife slowly up her chest until it pierced her heart, reveling in the blood that trickled out. Ember would never be enough for him. For anyone.

“Where exactly is King Athanas? This is the second time he has been late to an official meeting. He can’t expect to skirt his duties all day while fucking whatever vapid woman his wife convinces to join.” The words came out before she had really thought them through. Technically King Athanas was Crown Regent, and it was distasteful to disrespect someone in authority, especially as a dignified member of the court.

“Maybe if you got fucked yourself, girl, you would understand what all the hype was about.” The Viper’s languid voice trickled in from the doorway. He stood dressed in a red silken shirt and black leather trousers, a sword slung across his hip, painted in the venom of the creature he held so dear.

Heat built in Ember’s cheeks. Not because she was embarrassed he heard what she said, but because she knew the king was right. She could see Ajax shift uncomfortably in his seat, his jaw stiff, lightly tanned hands gripping the corner of the table.

At least he was showing some reaction to her, even if it was clearly disdain. Ember had been so rash and naive to think the commander might actually reciprocate her feelings.

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