Page 34 of We Can Forever

I sigh. “It sucks feeling like I’m always waiting for the next flare, you know? Everything is going well in life, but I’m still on edge.”

She nods. “I know what you mean.” She gets comfortable on a bright-pink cushion with gold tassels. “Do you want to talk to the group about it tonight? If anyone can understand, it’ll be people brought together through chronic pain.”

“Yeah,” I mumble, though I don’t feel certain.

Even though the whole group has so much in common, it’s still easier for me to stay quiet. To keep out of the way and not disturb anyone with my fibro problems. It’s almost become a survival mechanism at this point—stay quiet and don’t rock the boat.

I don’t have long to dwell on it, though, because Maya and Alexis arrive, and then a few minutes later, a woman in her early thirties, who introduces herself as Devin and shares that she is a yoga teacher and physiotherapist who has chronic fatigue syndrome.

Having a new person join our ranks buoys my spirit, making me feel like I’ve done something really special by starting this group, so when Flick raises her eyebrows at me, silently reminding me to share what we were talking about earlier, I don’t feel as much resistance.

“Does anyone ever worry—or…more like obsess…over when their next flare will happen?” I casually ask.

The other four look up from the totes they’re crocheting, and everyone starts talking at once.

“All the time,” Alexis says.

“I didn’t even know if I could come tonight.” Devin sighs and puts down her crochet hooks. “I couldn’t make the first meeting because I couldn’t get off the couch.”

Maya shakes her head. “It’s awful making plans and not knowing if you’ll actually be able to honor them or not.”

“Right?” Flick says. “Then there’s the whole work and career thing. How are we supposed to move ahead in the world when we don’t know when we’ll next be knocked on our butts?”

“It’s hard even when you’re a freelancer.” Alexis reclines on a stack of cushions, her deft fingers making quick progress on her tote. “I still don’t know how much work to schedule for myself week to week. If I were to schedule in anticipation of a flare every week, I wouldn’t be able to make enough to pay my bills. So, I end up just having to apologize to clients and turn things in late. I hate it.”

“Every time I schedule a yoga workshop,” Devin says, eyes wide, “I nearly have a panic attack. What if I have a flare that day, and I have to cancel on everyone? Some people have driven hours to some of my workshops.”

Even though everything they’re saying is depressing as hell, it’s also comforting. This life might be uncertain, but at least I have people around who get it.

“Thank you, you guys,” I murmur. “I needed to hear this.”

“You’re not alone.” Flick nudges me with her shoulder.

“Ooh, speaking of not alone…” Alexis’s eyes sparkle. “I heard that you and Michael had some alone time at the McGraw fishing shack.”

I can only laugh and bury my face in my hands. Is nothing private on this island?

“So, how did it go?” Alexis asks.

“It was amazing.” My face warms as I share how Michael dressed up the shack to make it comfortable for me. When I get to the part about the kiss, the shop nearly explodes from the force of the girls’ whoops and cheers.

“How was it?” Maya asks.

“Probably perfect,” Alexis answers.

“He’s the fire chief, right?” Devin’s eyes widen. “Oh wow. He’s cute. Nice going, Hannah.”

“Okay, okay.” I bite my smile, my face still hot as I desperately look for a new subject. “Flick brought in some new yarns to test out.”

“Hey, the firehouse’s annual fundraiser is coming up,” Maya says. “Would anyone like to make things we can donate for the raffle? I know I’m not great yet, but my scarf is coming along pretty well.”

Everyone chimes in with agreement, and even though it’s not a complete topic change—since Michael is still a part of the conversation—I go with it.

“I have some hats I can donate.” Putting my needles down, I go to the box behind the counter that I keep personal projects in.

“Wonderful.” Maya beams. “And you can go to the fire station to register our contribution, right?”

I freeze, all eyes on me. The girls are setting me up, of course—and they love it. Even Devin, who is new to the group, is biting back a smile.

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