Page 108 of The Cost of Forgetting You

Suddenly the hunger has evaporated. What’s left in my stomach is a different kind of need, one that makes it difficult to focus on anything but the thrumming pulse in Truett’s clean-shaven neck and the thick ridge pressed against the front of his joggers. I want to reach for him. To close the distance between us and really let myself savor this feeling.

From the corner of my eye, I watch him take a bite, and for a second nostalgia pulls so tightly at my lungs that I’m not sure I could breathe if I wanted to. I picture every decision that led us here. Every version of us we had to grow through, to become who each other needs in this moment.

I picture the boy who kissed me in a meadow, then broke my heart, neither of us realizing he’d one day be the man who mended it, too.

“Did you know you were my first kiss?”

He wipes his mouth off with a napkin and turns to look at me, brows furrowed. “Really?”

“Yeah.” I scrape a fingernail over the golden crust of the sandwich. “I guess I’d been holding out. Not that anyone from school was exactly beating down my door for the chance, but still.”

There’s a pause. When he finally speaks, his voice makes the same scratchy sound as the bread. “Why’s that?”

“I was pretty awkward back then. Shy. Boobs didn’t come in till senior year?—”

“Not that.” He drops the sandwich and turns completely in his chair. I glance up as he grabs the edge of my barstool and spins me to face him. Our knees bracket just like they did that day when Ollie interrupted us.

No risk of that now. The farmhands have all gone home. It’s only us here, and as that knowledge washes over me, it leaves a trail of goose bumps behind.

His eyes roam my face, pausing at the swell of my bottom lip, then lifting to meet my gaze. “I hate when you talk about yourself like that, you know. And I wasn’t asking about that part because I know it isn’t true. You weren’t awkward at all.” He pauses, daring me to object. When I don’t, he nods, satisfied. “I meant, why were you holding out?”

Heat begins the slow crawl up my throat. I swallow thickly. Remind myself to breathe. “I think we both know why.”

His mouth twitches. It lands somewhere between a smile and a frown. “Pretend I don’t. I’ve been confessing a lot of feelings lately, and you’ve been confessing none.”

“That’s not true!”

The look he gives me is incredulous, and I still. I’ve always assumed the way I felt for Truett was glaringly obvious, especially after our first kiss. Surely I wasn’t that good at hiding my crush.

Was I?

Fortune favors the bold, and I could use a bit of good fortune. So I decide to tell the truth, no matter how vulnerable it makes me feel. “I was so in love with you back then.” I shrug like it’s nothing, when really it’s everything. “I didn’t notice anyone else.”

He doesn’t miss a beat. Doesn’t even flinch. “What about now?”

I shake my head gently. “What do you mean?”

“What do you feel about me now?” His gaze is intense, searching my face for feelings I’m not yet ready to name. Not when the ground we stand on is still so unsteady.

“Tru, this is our first date,” is what I manage to say.

“You’re right.” He clears his throat, playing off a wince. But I see it. Ache for it. “So let’s do what everyone else does on first dates.”

My lips flatten over the smile that threatens to form. Nervous laughter bubbles in my chest. A welcome kind of tightness, after the nerves from my confession. “Is now the right time to tell you I’m not that kind of girl?”

“Not that.” He waves a hand dismissively, then winks. “Though I wouldn’t be opposed.”

I chuckle, lowering my gaze to his exposed abs. “Actually, neither would I.”

He wasn’t expecting that. A cough erupts from his lungs as he chokes on a bite of grilled cheese. I take advantage of the moment and finally tuck into my sandwich while he marinates on my words. For a beat, the only sound in the room is the hum of the refrigerator and my soft chewing. Oh, and the gears audibly turning in Truett’s head.

“What did you mean, then?” I say once I’ve swallowed.

He pushes his plate aside and rests an elbow on the counter. His undivided attention falls on me, sending a shiver down my spine.

“We could ask each other questions. Get to know the things we thought were already known just because we’ve been friends our entire lives.”

I narrow my gaze on him. “Okay, you first. Who was your first kiss?”

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