Page 14 of Maybe You

So… yeah.

Okay.

So.

Ethan and I used to date.

On the list of people I want to run into, he’s firmly at the bottom, and by the startled look he sends me, I’m pretty sure he feels the same way.

There’s a long, awkward moment when we both try not to look at each other, not sure what to say.

“Hey,” he eventually says once he’s gathered himself. And then he smiles. Ethan has one of the nicest smiles. It’s sincere and kind and fits so well on his already handsome face.

And he’s very, very handsome, if that wasn’t clear yet. Not like, say, Sutton with his magazine cover, in-your-face, unattainable for mere mortals beauty. Ethan has more down-to-Earth, rugged good looks.

He’s a bit shorter than me, with a wiry build. His hair is a mess of dark reddish strands, and he’s dressed in a pair of khakis and a light blue button-down. Handsome in a boy next door kind of way, and a bit preppy, which is something that has always appealed to me a lot for some reasons.

“Hi.” I try and fail to sound normal. It takes me a moment to force myself to meet his gaze, and when I do, his smile has transformed from awkward to friendly.

“It’s been a while,” he says.

“Oh,” I say, then follow that up with a, “Yeah.” I comb my fingers through my hair just to have something to do with my hands. “Umm… How have you been?”

“Good.” He nods. “Busy,” he adds. “I decided to give grad school a shot. Don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Wow. That’s… that’s great. I’m happy for you. You always wanted to go.”

“Yeah, no. It’s good. Time consuming and hellishly difficult, but maybe it pays off somewhere down the road.”

It’s time for awkward silence, take two.

“You transferred?” Ethan asks.

“In the fall. It’s been good so far. Great.” I correct myself quickly, because even if I don’t blame him for ending things with me, a small part of me still wants him to know that I’m not such a disaster in every aspect of my life. Just relationships.

“I’m glad,” he says, sounding completely sincere about it.

Ethan’s studying economics. We met because we both went to the same community college, both were planning to transfer, and both had appointments with the academic adviser that had accidentally been scheduled for the same time slot.

We got to talking while we waited for the mess to be sorted out.

He asked for my number.

I gave it to him.

He texted an hour later.

It was the first I-feel-like-I-could-die-from-it crush I’ve ever had. An I-think-I-could-fall-for-him type of crush. Want-to-spend-every-waking-moment-with-him kind of crush.

And then I ruined it.

Ethan’s eyes stay on me.

“I got here first,” he says, tone light, a spark of teasing in his eyes.

“That’s debatable.” I almost sound normal.

The smile widens a smidge, and he snorts out a short laugh.

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