Page 22 of A Very Happy Halloween

“I wish I was still the man you met thirteen years ago.”

“You are the man I met thirteen years ago. Just with slightly better communication skills, I hope.”

“But I look different.”

“And you think I don’t? Eis, I’ve had two babies. I hate taking the boys to the pool because I don’t have a bikini body anymore, and my boobs need a push-up bra to look anything close to perky. You’re sitting there looking as if you want to eat me alive, and I’m sitting here thinking that you’d better be fond of rice pudding because that’s what my cellulite looks like. And then there’s my stretch?—”

“Enough.”

Eis shoved his chair back and stalked angrily around the table. Before I could properly process, I was in his arms, pressed tight against his hard chest with his day-old stubble tickling my forehead.

“Don’t talk shit about yourself, Janie. You’re beautiful.”

“You really think that?”

“It’s the truth.”

“Then why won’t you believe you’re beautiful too?”

We clung to each other for an age. Just stood there in the kitchen, silently finding our way back to each other, our embrace saying more than words ever could. At some point, I started crying. Finally, Eis loosened his grip and kissed my hair.

“Let’s go out.”

“This is going to be messy.”

He knew I wasn’t talking about the shopping trip. “It is.”

“We’re going to fight a lot.”

“The make-up sex will be spectacular.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

I’d never had make-up sex with Steven. We never really used to argue. I’d always thought that meant we were compatible, but standing there with six feet of cocky red-blooded male in front of me, I realised the truth. I’d never fought with Steven because I’d never been bothered enough to care. If he worked late, so what? I’d just read a book. If he said he was too tired for sex, who cared? I had a vibrator hidden in the bathroom cabinet, and it did a better job than him anyway. Most of our tiffs had been about the boys. About Steven letting them down when they needed him most.

Eleven years ago, I’d found myself pregnant and done what I thought was the right thing at the time.

Which turned out to be the wrong thing.

Now I was at the top of a roller coaster, waiting for the ride to start. For the twists, the turns, the exhilaration. The safety bar was probably faulty, but I couldn’t get off, even if I wanted to.

“Is it okay to be a little bit scared?” I asked.

“I’m fucking terrified. Terrified of screwing this up, terrified of losing you again.”

“Can we take things slowly?”

“How slowly?”

“No side trips to the nature reserve today.”

Eis chuckled into my hair. “It’s raining anyway.”

“Be serious.”

“Fine, we’ll take things slowly, but understand this. I’m your past, Janie, but I’m also your future. Don’t think for one second that I’m not.”

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