Page 103 of Under the Lies

I’ve always been afraid to live. I grew up sheltered, locked in a gilded cage of wealth. The only thing I ever learned how to do was be alone. Even when I left at eighteen, I merely escaped a prison to find myself in another, only this time the chains holding me back were mine.

And my only reason for it was that I didn’t know how to live.

I had no idea what I was doing at eighteen, had never taken care of myself.

Distractions, I lived within distractions so I couldn’t acknowledge just how lost, how lonely, how completely miserable I was.

Painting, creating, was my escape but for the past year, I haven’t even had that.

It wasn’t until Noah came back into my life that I wanted to learn.

Learn how to let go, be free from all shackles, from all the weight of the past, and live.

Noah has opened my eyes to many things since I’ve been with him, casinos and caged fights. He’s piqued my curiosity and teased my wanting desire.

He brought me to the one place that’s always been my home and since returning back from that rooftop palace I’ve realized what’s been holding me back all these years.

I’m scared.

Scared to walk outside all the crafted lines.

Scared to be anything like my wild sister.

Scared to be a disappointment when that’s all I’ve ever been to myself.

And I’m tired of it.

Noah has shown me that letting go can be more than scary. It can be bold. Thrilling.

It can be electrifying.

Noah is electrifying. Setting me ablaze with a single stare, a passing touch. Part of the reason I agreed to help Noah in the first place was because he made me feel the very thing I’ve been searching for.

And yesterday, I saw a different side of him.

The urgency of his steps as he rushed down the stairs, I saw that he always tries to keep tucked away.

His humanity. The part that makes him soft, the caring side that looked at me with wild eyes and held me in his arms as the sun kissed the morning sky.

Something changed between us during those early morning hours.

And I’m not quite sure I can put a name on it. Not sure that I want to.

Because the second I do it has the chance to get ruined.

I’m too interested in where it’ll take me. What other secrets I can uncover from him and what else he can draw out of me.

I’m walking across campus when a familiar figure catches my eye, a sense of déjà vu washing over me.

With what feels like a lifetime ago, the same man was in that same spot, wearing the same exact charcoal pea coat, waiting for me.

Slowly, I approach him. “What’re you doing here?”

“Do I need a reason to visit the person I’m dating?” He pushes off the pole.

Oh, right. We’re in public. Time to put on my thespian mask.

“When it comes to you?” I force a playful smile on my face. “Always.”

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