Page 44 of My Blind Date is a Demon

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it was a date, wasn’t it?”

“I mean, not really,” I say, shifting uncomfortably. “It was just two friends having a night out.”

“What do you think, Damon?” the doctor asks him. “Was it a date?”

“Why not?” he says. “I mean, Beverly thought it was. I’m sure everyone who saw us thought it was. Undoubtedly, the rest of the townsfolk who hear about it will think it was. So, sure. Let’s just say that it was a date.”

“But it wasn’t,” I say. “A thousand people can say it was a date, but that doesn’t make it true.”

“What does it hurt to say it was?” Dr. Jaishankar asks.

“Because,” I say, “I’m not ready for that.”

“But you are ready,” she says. “Because you did it. You went on a date. You should feel proud of yourself.”

“Well, I didn’t and I don’t.” I sit back in the seat and cross my arms.

“What’s wrong?” the doctor asks. “Why are you mad about it?”

“Because I didn’t choose this,” I say. “I didn’t make the choice to go on a date. I didn’t choose to be over…” My throat closes up and tears prick the edges of my eyes.

“We very rarely choose to be over our grief,” she says gently. “We don’t just wake up one morning and say, ‘I’m completely at peace with the death of my loved one.’ It’s not that cut and dry. In fact, it’s okay if a part of you always grieves for your husband. After all, you had a child with him. Even if you remarry the most wonderful man on the planet who is the perfect stepfather, Bella will always miss her biological father, and that’s okay. She can love more than one father. And you can love more than one man. In fact, you can love a hundred men between now and when you die. It doesn’t diminish the love you have for each one. You loved your husband in his time, you can love Damon now, and you can love someone else five years from now when Damon has moved on.”

“Damon is going to move on in five years?” I ask, feeling a new and very weird sort of panic arise.

“That was just an example,” Dr. Jaishankar says. “I’m not saying you have to love Damon at all. You had one date. Don’t rush things. But did you get my point? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I let out a long sigh. “Yeah, I get it.”

“So, what do you think?”

“It hurts,” I say, motioning to my stomach. “It hurts right here at the thought of, you know, moving on. But at the same time, it seems perfectly logical. People get remarried all the time, right? After death or divorce, people learn to love again. But… You know, I mean… When you are the person responsible for your spouse’s death, it’s a little different.”

“Not really,” she says dismissively. “You could have had absolutely nothing to do with your husband’s death and feel guilt. Guilt for surviving. Guilt for moving on. Guilt for things unsaid or undone. Remember, we have talked many times about how to let go of the guilt. Have you been doing the things we’ve talked about?”

“No,” I admit a little shamefully.

“Will you?” she asks. “Are you ready?”

I let out a long exhale and glance over at Damon. I can see that he is looking at me expectantly.

“Okay. I think I’m ready.”

“Then let’s get started.”

CHAPTER 16

“So,” Damon says as we get into the car and buckle our belts, “that was…interesting.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” I say, checking my mirrors before I pull out.

“So, I guess that was a date, then?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“I’m not about to give you or Beverly the satisfaction,” I say, pulling up to a stoplight. “When you want to take me on a date, you can ask me properly yourself.”

Damon opens his mouth, but I hold up one of my fingers to his lips to stop him.

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