Page 56 of Bone Dust

“Ummmmmmm. He likes buggies and wormies, and lots of stars, and dogs, and me, and you, and Sam!” She bobs her head up and down. “I like him, Momma, ‘cause E-ban’s a good person.”

Her simple criteria makes me smile. “I guess he is.”

“He is, Momma. You gotta trust the process.”

My head spins from the mirror to her as my brows pinch. “Where did you hear that?” I laugh.

“I dunno. I just did.” She shrugs.

Ian isn’t just a nice man. His connection to Gigi has haunted my nightmares and fed my dreams. I never thought to give him space in our lives as anything more than an acquaintance but, seeing him through the eyes of a child has shown him in a different light. He loves Gigi. Of that, I’m certain.

I close my eyes, affording myself a moment of pleasure to revisit images of Ian and Gigi together. Her smile. His hugs. Her high-pitched squeals. They’re friends of the heart.

And it happened right in front of my eyes.

I’m not sure how that makes me feel. I’m possessive and extremely protective of people I love. There are so few of them and so many bad people who drift unnoticed in a world where violence finds good people. But Ian’s not one of them.

The thought wraps around my heart. Ian’s been misjudged by those who’ve not walked in his shoes, including me. I’m one of many who’ve not felt his pain or wrestled with his demons and, yet, stood in judgment. It was shallow of me.

I return my gaze to the mirror and my stretch marks. I’m more than my physical appearance just as Ian is more than his past. More important than that, I want to set a good example for my daughter. I’ve not lived in his skin, nor he in mine, but I never want Gigi to see me as one of the high and mighty who judge without heart. I don’t want to be that person. Maybe children should be our teachers instead of the other way around. They love without reservation or judgment and are surely the sweetness in the world.

As I wrap my hair around the brush bristles and run the blow dryer, the quiet humming sound coaxes me into a more serene state. I’m looking forward to tonight. Dinner with Ian is an opportunity to know him better, but also one to know myself better.

As I slip into the black dress, the fabric cools as it slides over my skin. It’s a simple one with a modest neckline but is sexy in a Carolina Herrera way. It’s been in my closet forever, hidden in the back since I moved here, the tags still dangling from the sleeve. It zips up the side; the teeth disappearing into the fabric and resting against my skin.

“You looks so pretty, Momma.” Gigi’s breathless compliment makes me feel all warm inside.

“Thank you, baby.” I smile and hold my hand out in an invitation for hers. “We have to get your things. Sam’s going to pick you up and take you to Cora’s.”

“Yay!” She takes my hand, and we walk out of the bedroom. My hips sway as femininity takes control and with each step, Gigi copies my strut, the long beads hanging down her front bouncing from side to side.

“We is pwetty like princesses!”

“Yes, we are, sweet girl.” I scoop her up in my arms and twirl us around, Gigi squealing with laughter. We’re having a giggle fest when my phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Savannah.” Ian’s tone is deep and as serious as the grave.

My smile fades. “What’s wrong?”

He pauses, then lets out a long sigh. “I think this might be a mistake.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Ian

Igo silent after the comment knowing the reason for my hesitation is coming from fear rather than disinterest, yet not knowing how to voice it without sounding like a pussy.

“Tell me why,” Savannah says softly.

My first reaction is surprise that she isn’t pissed off. My second is uncertainty. Her request is a simple one but opening up to her, knowing I’d make myself vulnerable is something unfamiliar because I’ve played life so close to the vest since getting straight. But, if ever there was a time to test this friendship, it’s now. “What if I fuck this up?”

“What if you do?” she quickly responds. “It’s only?—”

“Dinner. I know. But we’re good now, Savi, you and me, and that little girl who puts a spark in my life I didn’t know I was missing. If I fuck up …” I choke thinking of the ramifications, struggling to put my thoughts to words. “Savannah, this … this life I’ve got … this peace I’ve found … I can’t los—” The tremble in my voice nearly exposes me, so I stop talking.

“This life you’ve fashioned for yourself is safe, Ian. It isn’t going to slip away.” She assures.

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