Page 37 of Bone Dust

“Ian, look! Another shooting star!”

Savannah goes up on her tiptoes as she points at the sky. The awe in her voice strokes the child within me that’s long been buried. I follow the diamond hurling across the sky as it tosses a glittery trail of stardust indulging in the pleasure of watching Gigi come close to her mother’s side. Warmth spreads within me and unexpected tears sting my eyes.

I watch the two of them, etching to memory this magical moment. Savannah tosses a look over her shoulder and I feel a squeeze in my chest, savoring my first taste of appreciation as she catches my eyes and mouths the words “thank you.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Savannah

“W

ook, Momma. You see dat bug?”

I nod. A small, knowing smile teases my lips as I look down at my daughter. Gigi pulls her petite hand from mine and, with a gleeful giggle and arms outstretched, she dashes off and runs wild and free. The night breeze tousles her hair as she dances with the fireflies. She plucks at the air with eager hands, hoping to catch a beckoning bug. As she twirls, the moonlight catches glittery polka dots on her snowy white dress turning them into crystalline stars.

As I watch her, a fresh memory of me and my mother surfaces. I remember doing this same thing when I was a child. Seeing my Gigi completely immersed in nature, unhindered and uninhibited, brings a rush of emotions and I feel my heart swell. Gigi’s never known freedom like this in our busy neighborhood. There are too many people and too many houses to let a child run with abandon. Whether we were more naïve back then or if the world has gotten more dangerous, I can’t say for sure. I just won’t take any chances with her safety because, as much as I hate the memory of Drake or how I found my parents, those experiences taught me bad things happen to good people.

I cross my arms over my chest and briskly rub my hands over my skin to ward away the chill. The temperature seems to have dropped from when we left Cora’s house.

“Here. This might help. It’s always a little chillier near the trees.” Ian notes my slight shivering and comes behind me, covering my shoulders.

“Thanks.”

“I grabbed Gigi’s blanket when you were following her out into the field. I thought she might need it. She doesn’t seem to be bothered at all, but she’s running around. Seems you can better use it.”

The gesture is thoughtful, as is his tone, and I pinch the soft material between my fingers, pulling it around me like a shawl. The moonlight slants across his face, accentuating the contrast between his strong jawline and tender expression.

I look out into the field where Gigi’s darting about with boundless energy in her eager attempts to capture a lightning bug, and I stand, breathless, as I take in the sight before me. It’s like looking into a magical wonderland. The air is alive with flickering light dancing among the tall grasses and wildflowers. Each flash illuminates an airborne creature and my sweet girl follows their flights.

“This is beautiful, Ian. I’ve never seen anything like it.” My voice is a reverent whisper filled with gratitude. “There are so many lightning bugs. It looks like a forest of Christmas trees.”

The lightning bugs congregate near the line of Jeffrey pines. It truly seems as if they’ve been lit with thousands of twinkling lights. The evergreens flash in patterns with no rhyme or reason. They’re sweet victims of nature’s timing and the winged creatures who saturate their branches. I can’t help but wonder if Ian realized he was doing Mother Nature a service by not clearing them from his property. I’d recently read lightning bugs are endangered and now, seeing this, I’m happy he left the trees in place. How wonderful a place to be to witness this exchange between bugs and trees and a clear night sky glistening with stars. Gigi’s laughter echoes through the night as she twirls endlessly among the trees and fireflies, the joyful sound rising to the heavens.

I look over at Ian, who seems lost in the moment, as he tries to blink away an unexpected mist of tears. His reaction tugs at my heartstrings, affecting me in a way I couldn’t have imagined. I’ve long known Ian is Gigi’s father and, as I look from him to her, emerging tears sting my eyes as I solidify that knowledge. Their profiles are nearly identical. Same nose. Same chin.

Fear and doubt, and a hefty dose of pride formed my decision not to tell him. I’d always believed I would raise her alone and cared not one bit about leaning on anyone for additional support. But seeing this … feeling this … questions swirl in my mind. If he knew, would he want her? Love her? Deny her?

I swallow an emotional lump as the biggest fear of all invades all the other thoughts; would he try to take her away from me?

As Ian fixes his eyes on her, I push the tortured thoughts aside. Though my guard will always be up when it comes to my daughter, my gut feeling is that, though he may not know it, he already loves her.

“This is overwhelming. I feel like words are inadequate to describe this sensory experience.

“What you’re feeling is what sold me on this place,” he explains, his expression soft as he swipes the back of his hand over his cheeks. “It was abandoned and long forgotten and, somehow, silly as it might sound, we shared that connection. While sober and in recovery I realized I never felt seen, both growing up and when on the stage and in front of thousands. No one was living here, like it had been waiting for me. The old man who owned it had passed away and had no family to inherit the house and possessions. The taxes were in arrears, so it was cheap and was offered for sale with all the furniture and tools. But it was this field—this magic—that sold me. I had one request; would they allow me to spend one night before my final decision. Though I felt a connection when I walked through the door, it was this that made me never want to leave.” He waves outstretched arms, then jabs the air with a pointed finger. “Look, Savannah. There’s another shooting star.”

Catching a glance at Gigi to ensure she’s okay, I then turn my eyes to the sky. “There are so many out here.”

His smile widens. “Every clear night you see many of them. I’d never seen a shooting star until the night I stayed here. I bought the place the next day.”

“Momma, wook!” Gigi runs toward us lightning fast then stops, her toes digging into the grass. She barely moves as excitement shines in her bright blue eyes, and she struggles to contain her enthusiasm. Then, painfully slow, she extends her clasped hands. Ian and I both bend down, pulling close, looking to see what she’s hiding. Slowly, ever so slowly, she slides her thumbs aside to show the small object nestled in her hands. When the opening is wide enough to form a tiny opening in her cupped hands, she peeks inside with one eye at what’s hiding inside and then holds her hands up for us to see. “It’s a wightning bug,” she whispers.

I mold my hands around hers, feeling her grip, and hook my thumbs over hers. I ease the tension in her hold, so the grasp doesn’t squish her prisoner. I calm her zeal with a soothing tone. “Easy, sweetie. You don’t want to hurt him.”

With eyes as wide and blue as a sapphire sky, she looks up at me with pleasure. “Isn’t he just so ‘dorable and cute, Momma?”

“So cute,” I agree.

“I crouch down to get beside her, momentarily stealing her attention away from the bug. “There are hundreds of them, maybe even thousands, that live in these woods. This is where they live; all among the trees.”

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