Page 26 of Bone Dust

"You say tomato ..." He trails off, enjoying my discomfort. "By the way, did they ever find who was responsible for your parents' murder?"

The casual way he says that stops me in my tracks. My mind goes blank as I stand in stunned silence, then hang up and chuck the phone across the room.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Ian

Ishould hate myself, but I don’t. The woman in my head is the surrogate daughter of my only friend and my thoughts are far from chaste.

I go down a mental list that reminds me of all the reasons I should stay away from Savannah. She’s bitchy. Passive-aggressive, even. Her attitude could use a little work but, damn, she’s a good mom. The way she comforted Gigi after letting her know what she did wrong … man, it tugged at my heart. Who knew you could discipline with love and not a fist. That shit’s real, and I’d never seen it before tonight. Savannah has the balance perfected. Maybe I’m a pussy but, shit … this was normal. I never knew normal.

I don’t know what to think, but I know how I feel. My worldview has been through a lens that’s different than most people's. Parenting? Mine was shit. The right girl? Well, Dash got Skylar, so there’s that. Me? Up to now, my normal experiences have been few. But tonight … I liked it.

Seeing Savannah and Gigi together makes me wonder what it would be like to have a family. For a little while tonight I felt that I might want something I’ve never, and that scares the hell out of me.

Before sobriety, I would never have desired something that would have tied me down. I’ve never had more than a casual relationship. The longest was three months and, when it ended, the only reason I felt bad was because she was a good lay. But something happened today with Savannah. I can’t get it out of my head, and I can’t explain it. It was some weird cosmic connection when our eyes met. Ten seconds at most but, in that time, everything but the two of us faded away.

I close my eyes and indulge the forbidden mental picture; Savannah beneath me in my bed.

I want to make love to her. Feel her skin against mine. Take her all through the night and make her breakfast in the morning. The thought of myself buried deep inside of her has me hard as stone.

Sam would kill me if he knew what I was thinking. He should never have asked me to dinner and given me my first glimpse of normal life since Dash was alive. I’d be good being by myself. But every man has needs.

Since I got sober, I told myself I didn’t need a relationship. Women complicate things, or so I used to think. Now, I wonder what it would be like to have a white picket fence and all that goes with it.

I need to stop. Savannah’s a mother, for God’s sake, and all I can think about is how I want to bend her over and sink my cock deep. I want to smother myself in her tits, tease until she’s drenched with desire, and hold her captive to every depraved thought while taking us to an undiscovered level of pleasure. And that would screw up everything.

“Jesus, fuckin’ christ.”

I vomit the words out loud as I adjust my swollen dick. Thoughts of Savannah playing through my mind have me painfully hard. It was dinner. Just a damn dinner, but it turned into something more. I’d never have guessed that getting smacked with a spoonful of spaghetti by an ill-tempered imp would be the highlight of my day but that unexpected hit gave me a hint of what's escaped me nearly my whole life, normalcy. There were no food fights in my growing years. No laughter at the table. No children to take me at face value.

Savannah only knows me through my former life and, though more reserved than not, tolerated my presence at dinner. She, Gigi, and Sam define what a family is, unconditional love at its worst and best. The coming together of the best and worst. A gathering of sinners and saints who understand the meaning of love.

That little Gigi is an awesome kid who, apparently, has an aversion to orders. I identify with that. My father barked orders at me like I was his dog. There was no affection in my growing years. No relationship. Gigi is secure in her love with her mother, whereas I had none from my father. Seeing them together made me feel the absence of that kind of relationship. I’ve never thought myself particularly fond of kids, but this little girl … she’s special. So is her mom.

I need something. Something to make me feel good. Something to satisfy this craving inside of me.

I stride to the bedroom and strip off my clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor. Too many thoughts are going through my head. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I need to rid myself of road grit but, more than that, I need to tend to my throbbing dick.

My cock chafes. Thoughts of Savannah have sustained a painful erection and the entire ride home it rubbed the inside of my jeans. I turn on the hot water and brush my teeth as the room fills with steam. Once I rinse my mouth I look down. Nearly purple and painfully engorged I step into the shower and use Savannah as fodder for my fantasies.

The pulsating shaft throbs, a steady reminder that I haven’t done this as often as I should. As the water cascades over me I imagine the soft feel of her skin. The taste of her lips. The pointed tips of her breasts as lust fills her, and the sound of my name falling from her lips. Ian.

I reach for the soap, turning it over and over until a frothy lather coats my hands. When I fist my cock, I’m rocked by a shudder of pleasure, so I close my eyes and think of her.

Droplets of water trail over my skin as the inside of my lids become an impromptu movie screen where Savannah is the star. Scenes play as I look into her ocean-hued eyes. She’s naked except for the thick cover of her hair. It falls like a sunshine-colored curtain over her breasts and back, and nearly kisses her sweet, tight ass.

I imagine her long, slender body against mine. Our limbs tangle, the heat between us palpable, as we begin a wonton dance of desire. I envision kissing her with a connection forged by lust and desire. Our tongues explore each other’s mouths. I can almost feel her fingernails raking down my back, setting off shivers that course through my body. I stroke my soap-coated erection and tease the engorged head, feeling the exquisite sensation I imagine loving her to be. My fantasy wraps around me as my fist quickens its pace.

Thoughts of our lovemaking intensify. Thoughts of her fingers grazing the underside of my shaft cause me to tremble and my balls grow heavy, begging for release.

I’m close, I can feel it. My heart pounds in my chest and my body shakes with the intensity of the moment. I pick up the pace to an unrelenting rhythm and groan as I imagine my name, once again, tumbling out on her breath.

The first jet of hot white seed hits the tiles and a roar tears from my throat. I throttle my dick, arcing high as I imagine her moans of pleasure. My legs shake as I picture myself capturing her mouth and swallowing the sweet sounds until the lightning strike ripping through me begins to subside, and my knees buckle as I fall onto the tiled seat.

After a few minutes, I stand up and shower off the remains of my release.

Structure.

---