Page 67 of Bone Dust

“Must be some fire,” I say as Ian once again moves to the side of the road.

“I hope wherever they’re headed that they get there before it gets out of control.” I give voice to inner thoughts, sharing a small thing that gives me comfort. “I say a quick prayer whenever I see or hear emergency vehicles. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sounds of sirens approaching my house.” I no sooner say the words when a third squeal caterwauls behind us. This time it’s an ambulance. As it passes, we exchange puzzled glances.

“I can’t remember seeing so much activity in Rock Hills, but the ranch is further away from the fire station than you are, so I don’t hear much.”

He pulls out. The emergency vehicles are quick and many car lengths ahead, but I notice we’re all traveling the same route. When Ian looks over at me, his somber expression speaks volumes.

“Ian, I don’t have a good feeling.” Fear skitters over me, and my scalp prickles. As Ian closes in on my neighborhood, I see that my street is blocked. “Oh, my god.” My voice trails off as a policeman stops us. Undeterred, Ian rolls down the window.

“Can’t let you through,” he places his hand at the base of the open window.

“She lives here.” Ian’s flat, serious tone doesn’t move the man.

“Sorry. I can’t let you through.”

“Bullshit.” It’s a statement of fact and Ian throws the car in reverse, backs up, and pulls into the closest driveway. He quickly parks then both of us act, springing the doors open a second or two before we fly out of the truck. He grabs my hand and we run.

“Hey!” The officer calls out, but we ignore him. We sprint toward my house. I gasp. It isn’t my house that’s on fire. It’s Cora’s.

I scream.

“Gigi! Gigi!” The thick scent of smoke hangs in the air, stinging my eyes and nose. I race toward the house, only to be stopped by both a policeman and a fireman. “Let me go!” I struggle against their hold, as desperation tears my voice like threadbare rags.

“Get the fuck off her.” Ian shoves them as he shackles my waist. I fight him, adrenaline exploding through my limbs.

“Savi, stop!”

His plea is met with tears. “I need to get Gigi!”

“You can’t go in there, Miss. It’s not safe,” one of the men says.

I ignore him, spotting a man in black pants and a white shirt who is standing back from the second firetruck. I point Ian toward him, and we rush in his direction, navigating an obstacle course littered with thick, ropey hoses and puddles of water. As I see the man issuing orders to a few others I pull, and I trip as my hand slips from Ian’s. “Ow!”

He stops, but I quickly right myself.

“Are you hurt?” He holds me at arm’s length, attempting to assess if I’m injured.

“I’m fine.” I hiss, dismissing his concern as I shake off the pain. “I need to get to Gigi.” Ian nods and we continue.

“Hey!” He calls out and the man approaches. When the distance evaporates between us, I grab a fistful of his sleeve.

“My little girl. She’s three.” Despair shreds my voice as the mix of smoke and threatening tears burns my eyes. “She’s wearing pajamas, pink with silly flamingos.” A sob wracks my body and a vision of my baby punches me hard in the gut. “She has blonde hair and big blue eyes. Her name is Gigi.” I choke on a sob as tears freely flow. “She was in that house.” Ian’s arms surround me, catching me as my knees start to fold. “Please. Please! I need to find my little girl.”

Ian holds me tight, and I manage to turn, burying my face in his chest. I’m shaking, though his arms lock me tightly against him. I can hear the officer speaking into the walkie-talkie as he nestles my head beneath his chin.

“They’re doing everything they can.” His attempt to comfort me gives me little consolation.

“I can’t lose her, Ian. I can’t lose Gigi.”

“I know, Savi. I can’t lose her either.”

I pull back and look up at his face. His eyes are shimmering with tears, but he looks away, as if ashamed of his transparent emotions.

“Ian …”

“I can’t, Savi. Not after everything. Not after all I’ve been through.”

His heartbreaking confession rips open old wounds. I know what it feels like to lose the people who matter the most, but his is a different kind of pain. I’ve always known love before loss, but Ian hasn’t, and the potency of his feelings for Gigi bleeds through his words and, like me, the thought of something happening to her stabs us with a steely knife. I wrap my arms tighter around him, letting him rest his cheek on my head.

---