Page 119 of Heartless

“I’d give you a tour,” she said dryly, “but I know you’ve already had one.”

He didn’t look the slightest bit guilty.

“You feeling better?”

“Yes. Thanks. It usually only lasts a few minutes.”

Nodding, he stood. “I’d better go.”

Before she could say, Don’t go, or Want some breakfast? or even Have a nice day, he was gone.

Half an hour later, three men arrived to replace her doors. Nic was conspicuously absent.

* * *

A new routine began after that day. At six thirty each morning, Nic would appear in her bedroom. He’d place a cup of tea and crackers on the nightstand. If it was a nonvomiting day, he’d chat with her for a few minutes, and then he would leave. If she had morning sickness, he’d hold her hair back while she vomited, wipe her face, and then carry her to bed. Tea and crackers would appear, and then he’d stay with her until she felt better. Then he would leave.

Their conversations were rarely of a personal nature. He told her he was working on some things for OZ, that they were continuing to gather intel on the Wren Project, but so far, it was still just a conglomeration of information with no real solidity. Since the organization had been around for over a hundred years, it was going to take time and a lot more digging before they would be able to act on what they’d found.

She told him she’d noticed he wasn’t limping. He told her he’d had some minor surgery on his knee, and it was better.

He mentioned he was staying at a hotel close by. She didn’t invite him to stay with her. She knew it would cause awkwardness between them, and that was the last thing she wanted.

The routine went on for several weeks, and she supposed it might have gone on longer if her little princess hadn’t decided to say hi to her parents. Days later, she still got weepy over the memory of how Nic had reacted.

They’d been discussing a new computer virus protection defense system that Serena had created. The woman was a technology genius and could have made millions either selling her own software or working for tech giants in any capacity she wanted. Instead, she chose to stay with Option Zero, fighting evil.

Nic had been in the middle of talking about Sean and his stubborn pride when the sheet over Olivia’s belly had moved. He had jerked back as if he’d seen a ghost.

It had been the first time the baby had moved, and she had been thrilled to be able to share the beautiful moment with Nic. Overjoyed with delight, she had taken his hand and gently placed it on her belly beside her own, allowing them both to feel their precious child inside her.

All the color had left his face, and then, without a word, he’d gotten up and left the house.

That had been three days ago, and she hadn’t seen him since. He was no longer sitting outside her house. No longer coming inside to help her while she was sick.

He was gone, and she had no idea if he would be back.

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Hawke parked a few yards away from Olivia’s house. It was his first time back here since he’d walked out after feeling their child move beneath his hand. Behaving like an ass had apparently become his full-time job.

Describing how he’d felt was impossible. The absolute reverence he’d experienced was by far the most humbling moment of his life. This precious, beautiful child had been created from the love he and Olivia shared. Barely an instant later, that sacred moment had been swamped by incredible shame.

Just a few months back, he’d arrogantly told Juan Gonzalez to not let his father’s past determine his own future. But wasn’t that exactly what Hawke was doing? He’d allowed Cooper Hawthorne control over his thoughts, his feelings. Despite all his posturing, all his protests, and all his damn denials, he had allowed his old man to take charge of his life. The bastard was long dead, but had been alive and well inside his brain.

The day his father had died, Hawke had sworn it would be the last time he would allow him any kind of influence. He’d been twenty years old and had taken leave from the Navy to come say goodbye. A part of him knew it was to make sure that the old man was really gone for good. There’d been no love or an ounce of affection between them. He didn’t know if there ever had been. After his mother left, it had been endless days of pain, of verbal and physical abuse that seemed to have no beginning or end. It was just there.

When he’d gotten big enough to defend himself, the beatings had turned into full-fledged fistfights. He and his father had gone at it, breaking furniture, denting doors, destroying everything in their path trying to best each other. The day he’d won his first bout had been the first time his old man had looked at him with even the slightest amount of respect. Of course, that respect had been combined with a loathing that had been a part of Cooper Hawthorne for as long as Hawke could remember. The man had hated everything and everyone, but he’d had a special hatred for his wife and son.

After he’d ensured his old man was in the ground, he’d gone looking for his mother. Since she’d left, he’d alternated between a deep hurt and fierce resentment. She had left him alone with that bastard. Any love she had given him had seemed like a lie. Through the years, he had forgiven her, acknowledging that if she had stayed, his father would have eventually beaten her to death.

Since he was due back to his post in Iraq the day after his old man’s burial, and didn’t have the time to go searching himself, Hawke had placed a call to a private detective. He’d thought it would take the PI a few days or more to locate her. In his mind, he’d envisioned letting her know that Cooper was dead and she no longer needed to be afraid. He’d naively thought they could have some kind of relationship.

Hawke had been sitting in the airport, waiting for his flight when the PI had called with the information. It had taken the man less than an hour to find out that three days after his mother walked out on him, she had been found dead of a heroin overdose in the next town over. The PI had sent him the police report, which showed that Cooper had been informed of his wife’s death the day after she’d been found. He’d never shared that information with his son.

If that didn’t show him who Cooper Hawthorne was, nothing could. She had meant nothing to his old man, and neither had his son.

On his next leave, he’d found where she’d been buried. It’d been just a marker with her name, Gina Hawthorne, engraved. No mention of who she was, or what she had been to anyone. Cooper hadn’t even had the decency to buy her a headstone. Hawke had purchased one for her, had Beloved Mother engraved on it, finally making peace with the woman who’d given him life. Gina had been twenty-nine years old when she’d died. Way too young to allow her demons to destroy her. Maybe she hadn’t been the best mother, but he had some good memories. She’d made him a birthday cake once, and let him lick the empty bowl of icing. They’d watched cartoons together in the mornings. And he remembered the times she’d stood in front of him, keeping him from being hit by his old man.

---