Page 43 of The Retreat

“Like our parents are monogamous. Be real.” His words drip with attitude.

“So you want to make a mockery of me with this national thing after encouraging me to do it?”

Colin breaks our eye contact and sucks in a breath before storming into the locker rooms. Do I follow? Do I stay out here and give him space? Why is this so fucking hard?

I find him in the locker room, sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. I join him. Close enough our arms are touching. “That guy’s a douche bag anyway. You don’t want to date him.”

“Dating and fucking are two vastly different things.”

Jealousy eats at my throat. “You can’t just fuck other people.”

“I wasn’t even trying to. Not really.” Colin shakes his head. “You won’t get it.”

“I won’t get what?”

“I have needs. I can’t be like you and not touch anyone or speak to anyone for days at a time. I can already feel it fucking me up.” Colin sucks in a shaky breath.

“I hadn’t considered your needs. I’m sorry. Do you want to call this off? I will understand if you do,” I say softly, even though it’s the last thing I want.

“We can’t do that. Between our parents and the fucking public, we’d get slaughtered, and you know my dad would suggest a quick marriage to my sister to quiet it all down.”

I cringe, then sigh. “I think I’d be kicked off the national team too.”

“Wouldn’t that be a positive?”

I shake my head, clearly surprising Colin. “I need to get out of the apartment more. I think I’m rotting there. I hate to say you or Oliver is right, and I’ll kill you if you tell him I said it, but I need to get out more.”

Colin puts his hand over his mouth in a huge show of a reaction. “I’m right? That has got to earn something.”

I roll my eyes. “Maybe.”

“I’d never tell Oliver. Your secret is safe with me, and not just because I hate him. I care about you.” He gets all serious, making me smile.

“I care about you, too. I hate that your needs aren’t being met.”

Colin sits up and looks into my eyes. “Being rejected by you makes it so much worse.”

“I’m confused…”

“It’s me. It’s on my side, and I shouldn’t put it on you.” He gets up. “I need to get back out there.”

I grab his hand. “No, not without explaining.”

“Not right now.”

I get to my feet keeping hold of him. “Yes, right now. Your needs aren’t being met, and we are finally talking about it. I’m not letting you just bail.”

He won’t look at me. “I’ve been rejected my entire life by my mom and dad and everyone else in my family. I’m the black sheep, and I’ve done a lot of fucking work to make myself happy with who I am and not care what anyone else thinks. Being rejected by you just puts me back in that head space.” The pain in his voice hits me in the chest.

“Why would me rejecting you make you feel that way?”

“Because I like you, you idiot. So I’m fucking vulnerable and rejected and not getting my needs met. It’s a mind fuck.”

I take him by the arm and force him to face me, sliding a finger under his chin to tilt it up. “I want to take care of you like you take care of me. What can I do to help get your needs met—” His eyes light up but before he can speak I go on. “—that’s not sexual.”

He purses his lips.

“Would cuddling help?”

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