Page 38 of The Retreat

It eats at the walls I’ve built to protect myself. I’ve made peace with my parents hating the very air I breathe, but this…disinterest will be the death of me.

The rejection is too much to bear. How did I think this was a good idea? I’d obviously had a crush on Owen, even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself, and living with a guy who didn’t want me reinforced all of the rejection my parents fed me on a silver spoon.

“Leaving?”

“Yes, leaving. You know, like going outside? And I have practice tonight, so I’ll be back after that.” He’s melodramatic today. I can’t help but wonder what it is that goes through his head during these bouts. “Did you take your pills?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know? You either did or didn’t.”

“I don’t remember.”

With a huff, I stomp toward the kitchen and his medication box that I’ve had to learn how to deal with. Stupid little boxes with the days of the week on them so I can keep track of the days he skipped them.

“The box is empty, so I assume you took them. You aren’t prone to throwing them away, are you?”

“No, that’s too much effort. I thought about it, but I can’t find the trash can.” He turns his head towards me, dark hair shifting.

With my hand on my hip, I turn to stare at the top of his head. “Have you eaten?”

“I don’t know.”

“I swear to god!” I did not sign up for this. “Then you need to eat now. I don’t smell coffee. Did you make any today?”

“I–”

“If you say, ‘I don’t know’ one more time, so help me I will throw your computer out a window.”

“You can try, Oliver put safety locks on all the windows so they don’t open more than a few inches.”

“Why would he—” It clicks. “Owen.”

“Who are you going out with?” he asks.

I don’t have time for this. “I’m going out with Isaac. Eat or don’t, I just don’t care right now. Why don’t you go bother Oliver at work?”

“Remember, we are married.” Owen’s voice makes me pause.

“What does that even mean?” I whirl around.

“You can’t shatter that illusion, or it will be national news and a problem for the both of us.”

“Flirting is harmless.” And the only interaction I get that doesn’t feel one sided. “It’s who I am as a human.” Not that you seem to give a shit.

I reach for the door, and there’s movement behind me, but I don’t turn to look. I’m ready to snap, and at this point, I don’t know if I want to fuck him or hit him. Maybe both. Probably both. There’s too much coming at me all at once, too many things needing too much of my attention.

The heat of his body infiltrates every inch of me despite him not touching me.

“I can’t imagine what it’s like to live with me. I’m sorry.” His warm breath caresses the back of my neck, while his nose skims the shell of my ear.

The part of me that wants to be angry at him breaks. I’m not angry, not really. I know he can’t really help it. I might not have depression or whatever else he deals with, but no one would choose this for themselves.

“It’s an adjustment for both of us.” My voice is thick with emotion. I’m trying desperately not to let it out.

“I wish I could be what you need.”

I press my eyes closed. What can I even say to that?

---