Page 99 of The Retreat

“Is that even true?” Colin asks, and he has a point.

“I’m sorry. But this is important to me.” I leave before it turns into a fight. What more is there to say? We’d get used to the space, and it would be better for both of us to keep this at a friendship level so Colin doesn’t break me. I need our friendship to last. I can’t bear to lose Colin.

I strip off my tie as I push open the door to the spare room, fingers working down the buttons of the dress shirt Colin picked out. I walk over to the rack of my sabres when Colin crashes into the room.

I spin around, finding him holding an expensive bottle of vodka. “Should you be drinking more?”

He’d already had a few drinks at the gala. He looks right into my eyes as he takes a swig directly from the bottle. “If you want to train, you can fight me.”

“Is that a good idea with how much you’ve had to drink?” I ask, taking in his undone tie and half unbuttoned shirt, willing my dick not to respond.

“It’s better to train with someone.” He takes another long pull, drinking in my state of undress. “I’m trying to spend quality time with you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I don’t think I can handle him being in here.

“I can handle my own.”

“It’s not fair.”

Colin stalks over and holds out the bottle. “Then take a drink.”

“I can’t drink. It’s against my diet.”

“Fine, then don’t let me score.” He grabs a sabre from the rack. “But if I do, you drink.”

“Why would I agree to that?” I grab a sabre, not fully trusting Colin not to pull something.

“Because you won’t talk to me any other way, you won’t let your walls down, and you haven’t touched me in days, so if this is the only way I can get through to you, I’m going to fucking do it.”

I exhale slowly. Is it so easy to see through me? “I told you, I’m struggling.”

“Then prove it to me.” He puts the bottle down carefully, keeping the tip of his sabre pointed at my chest. “If you need to be in here, I’ll spend time with you in here.”

I nod, side-stepping toward the middle of the room.

Colin follows, and we face off.

It feels good to spar with him, even if I’m drinking. Even if I’m breaking all my rules. Letting him close again feels so good.

Every touch, every mark, every hit feels like ecstasy.

And for a little while, I forget all the reasons I’ve built walls around my heart.

Until I wake up, the next morning wrapped around Colin, and reality comes crashing back.

THIRTY-THREE

Colin

Ican’t take this anymore. This wall that Owen has once again put up between us. It feels like I live alone at this point, and I can’t stand it.

He doesn’t even sleep in bed with me anymore. He’s back to passing out on the damn couch or at his computer, if he sleeps at all. I hate how much it fucking hurts.

Owen’s eyes open when he hears me enter the room. His gaze burns into me, heating my skin as I near him. My body is buzzing with arousal. I need him to touch me.

The pressure of the team is getting to him. I know it is. He needs a release too, but I’m beyond desperate. At this point, I don’t care if he hurts me as long as his hands are on me.

I head to the couch where he’s sitting, knees wide and shirt open at the collar. Gods, I want to lick at the exposed skin. It’s not fair how much I need him when he doesn’t really need me. I’ve spent years finding affection from men in the form of sex, and now I can’t. I’m drowning in feelings I can’t bury in pleasure. Jacking off doesn’t hide the pain like someone wanting me does. This man doesn’t want me. It’s a lack of options, and that hurts so much more than I expected.

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