Page 68 of The Retreat

“Of course. Colin and I met on the New York Gods fencing team.”

“Was it love at first sight? Because Colin only joined the team a year ago, and you’re already married?” she asks the question so kindly, but it feels razor-edged.

Fuck.

Why didn’t I think to make up a story with Colin? I feel like I’m bailing out a sinking ship. This lie is going to be exposed for everyone to see. Why didn’t I assume?

“We were into each other immediately.” I begin searching for the words. “Colin has an energy about him that is intoxicating and addicting. And I’ve always loved spending time with him. He’s like a box of joy. And for somebody like me who spent a lot of my life with severe depression and anxiety, he is a breath of fresh air all the time.” It’s easier to tell the truth, and it pours out of me. “Living with him has changed my life.”

Even if that didn’t sound like someone else’s normal happily ever after. I actually realize I loved living with Colin and spending time with Colin. He’s my best friend. So if they didn’t like my answer and it isn’t good enough, they could fuck off because that’s how I feel.

“Wow, I love hearing that. He really does seem like a great guy. We would love to have a sit down with you and your husband at some point.” Her smile is pressing. Like she wants a yes right here.

I laugh awkwardly. “I don’t know. I’ll have to propose it to him. He’s trying to focus on his studies and didn’t really sign up to be in front of the national media like I did. So I will pass it along. I don’t know.”

“Totally fair. He’s young.”

“He’s only three years younger than me.”

“That’s quite a gap at your age.” What is she trying to say?

I give her a funny look. “Not really—we are in the same peer group.”

“Maybe I guess…” Is she trying to play this off some kind of way to spin the interview? But she switches topics before I can figure it out. “What has life been like with him in college and you being so far away training?”

“Difficult. We’ve done lots of video calls, and he’s planning to come out to stay with me during training camps. We’re making it work.” At least I hope we still are. I hope he’s still happy.

“I bet it is. I hope we see him by your side at competitions.”

“I’m sure you will.” I haven’t even asked Colin to come yet. I put it on my mental to-do list.

“It was great speaking to you, Owen.”

“You too.”

I bolt out of the studio the second I’m free, getting into my waiting town car on the edge of a panic attack.

“What’s wrong?” Oliver asks, and I jump, slamming my head into the roof.

I crumple into my seat, hands on my head. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Coming to see what’s gotten into you,” Oliver says like its nothing, but I know him better than anyone else.

“What do you mean?” I’m far too exhausted and on the edge of a panic attack to deal with him.

“You’ve been short.” He slips closer, prying my hands off my head to examine it. “Have you been taking your meds while you’re at camp?”

“Yes, I have alarms set.”

“And I’ve talked to the dietician. She said you’ve been wonderful.” He’s scanning me, looking for something.

“I’ve been busy training. Nothing is wrong.”

“Who made you set alarms for your meds?” Oliver asks like my words just registered.

“It was Colin’s idea.”

Oliver’s face turns to a mixture of disgust but also somehow impressed. “He’s doing a better job than I considered possible.”

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