Page 27 of The Reunion

Did I really do the best I could with my situation? Should I have been pushing myself more in the last few years – gotten my degree part time and not been such a pushover when it came to Lucy wanting me to have custody because it made more sense with my job? Have I skewed my entire worldview so badly that I can’t even tell that I’m not happy, deep down?

Is everybody else right?

I mean, it’d be a turn-up for the books for people like Freddie Loughton or Morgan or even bloody Noodles Greg to know things I don’t, but …

‘You’ve still got that face on you, then.’

I jerk up at the voice so close beside me that I spill the Fanta I was pouring into my cup. A large hand reaches to pick up some napkins from a nearby pile, pressing them into the spill.

‘Ryan. Hello,’ I say, knowing that Ashleigh is going to grill me about whatever this conversation is, no end. She won’t be able to help herself. ‘What face?’

Ryan leaves the napkins to soak up the spilled pop, then gets himself some punch, and contorts his face in what I think is supposed to be an exaggerated mimic of my own expression. Eyebrows knotted together, mouth twisted into a diagonal line, one eye squinting.

I want to say I don’t look like that, but then he cocks his head almost comically to one side and I have to admit, I probably do look like that.

‘You used to do it at school all the time,’ he says. ‘We had a name for it, didn’t you know? Used to say “Hayden’s going haywire again”, because you’d end up scribbling away some doodle about your robots or whatever, and you’d be so distracted you wouldn’t notice anything. I remember I balanced six Biros on top of your head one time in the common room without you knowing, till they all fell off.’

He grins, but it’s self-effacing, a bit apologetic. I wait for him to laugh at my expense, but he just hands me my forgotten cup of Fanta and leans against the table next to me as if this isn’t the first exchange we’ve had in about ten years. I’m so taken aback by the simple amicability of this that I don’t say anything at all.

‘So,’ he asks. ‘What’re you thinking so hard about?’

‘N-nothing. I don’t think so, anyway.’

Ryan scoffs, but even that sounds cheery. He cuts me a sidelong glance as if we’re good enough buddies for me to understand what that look means. ‘Counting down the minutes until you can get home? I don’t remember you being one for parties very much. Didn’t Ashleigh have to drag you to prom?’

‘Er, not quite. My mum shoved me out of the door for that one, too. Apparently, it was a rite of passage I shouldn’t miss.’

‘Was it?’

‘Thanks to someone, it was the first time I got drunk, so I suppose it was in its way.’

Ryan gives a soft chuckle and inclines his head. He takes a swig of his spiked punch. ‘Everyone expected it. I didn’t want to let them down.’

I don’t quite know what to say to that, either. But there’s such an odd vulnerability in his comment that I find myself saying, ‘I was thinking about if I’ve let being a dad hold me back. If it’s made me give up.’

‘On what?’

Everything. Anything.

I shrug.

Ryan nods.

‘You’ve got two now, haven’t you? Kids, I mean.’

‘Yeah.’ I’m surprised he knows; I would’ve thought he was too busy to bother to look anybody up ahead of tonight, let alone a quiet kid he rarely spoke to at school like me. I refrain from reaching for my phone, not wanting to be the annoying parent who can’t stop showing off their children and shoving photos under everybody’s nose.

‘Still tinkering about with things? Or is that what you’ve given up on?’

‘Um, no, I’ve … Well … Sort of.’ I clear my throat, rubbing the back of my neck, wishing Ryan was enough of a prat to talk solely about himself, to spare me having to say anything. ‘Only a little bit – it tends to be side-projects at work, or stuff for the kids.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ He nods, and when I don’t volunteer any more information, remembering how uninterested the last two groups I spoke to were about the Roomba I modified to be an AI-supported walking aid for Skye when she was first toddling about the house, he continues, ‘You know, one of my old teammates retired not long ago, and he’s gotten big into educational apps for kids, syncing them up with books and toys and stuff like that. He just got approved for some government funding, actually – nothing to do with me, before Easton asks,’ he adds with a wink and a wry smile. ‘It’s doing pretty well, though. He’s always looking for brainiacs to help build it out.’

‘That’s interesting. It’s a great niche – huge potential.’

Ryan tosses me a grin. ‘Yeah. If you wanted, I could put you guys in touch. Sounds like it could be up your street.’

‘Oh. Um …’ Something seizes in the pit of my chest, discomfort prickling all over my skin enough to bring me out in a cold sweat. ‘Er, thanks for the offer, but that’s alright. I’m okay.’

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