Page 32 of Secrets Within Us

I heard a plow go by the day before, but neither of us said anything about it out loud.

He didn’t want me to go; he had said that the night I asked him about Molly. Since that night, he has shown me a gentler and kinder side of him. He woke me up each morning with his lips and hands and amazing cock and put me to sleep each night, exhausting me with the likes of him all over again. Yesterday, he didn’t have too many chores to do, so he stayed inside with me, and we laid on the couch in front of the fire naked and made crazy slow love to each other like time didn’t exist and neither did our pasts or our futures.

Yes, I was referring to it as making love. When he got that soft, magical look in his eyes, he would lay me down and worship my body like it was the temple of his every hope and dream. He was so attentive and giving and he pushed my body to orgasm over and over until I couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to do it again. And then we slept and woke up and did it all over again.

It wasn’t like I really had anywhere else to go, anyway. Florida had been a diversion and an escape for me from the boring monotony of my life. But the idea of staying with Kip in his secluded forest wonderland… made my heart soar and made my worries fade.

Most of my worries.

When I was alone and free of any tasks, I allowed my head to drift back to the torture I’d endured just weeks ago. My bruises had mostly faded, some had turned yellow on the ugly side of healing, but they were fading, and with them went some of the fears and nightmares. The only two things that still plagued me awful much were the wounds to my left hand from the snare I’d learned was Kip’s, and the broken ribs on both of my sides.

With time, both would also fade away, leaving only the memories to haunt me in silence. And then, I would almost be able to pretend none of it had happened.

But I’d never be free of it entirely. I was living in the same woods that had tortured me and I knew at some point I’d have to answer for what I had done. I had a feeling that it would come back and take my happily ever after away from me. Not once in life did I get the easy way out of something, and I wouldn’t bet on that changing. Telling Kip was inevitable, and I knew I couldn’t avoid it forever. He deserved to know the truth, even if he still hadn’t told me anything about his past at all. We hadn’t discussed it in days, and I felt weak for letting it go. But I couldn’t stand seeing the pain in his eyes when it came up.

I was in love with him. Unapologetically in love with a man, I knew nothing about and had known for next to no time at all.

I hadn’t wanted to love him. Hell, I didn’t even want to like him when we first met. He was such a brooding asshole that treated me like shit when he bothered to treat me like I existed at all. I wanted to hate him and just get through the few days I had to stay at his place because of the snow, and then get on my way after he took me back to town and never think about him again.

But he made me fall in love with him. He forced his way deep into my soul and I wasn’t strong enough to fight it like I had with everyone else. He tore down every defense I had by validating the intense connection between us, and I fell hard and fast and regretted not a second of it.

And I knew there was no way I could walk away from him and never look back. I just had to figure out how to stay without what I did, tearing us down and burning us to ashes.

I also had to figure out how to keep his past from getting in between us, too.

Hours ago, he’d gotten ready as soon as he got up and took off, letting the distance be physical and emotional between us again. The quiet in the house was amplified by the noise of the thoughts in his head. I was patient and tried to be respectful, giving him space and silent support.

But the silence was becoming deafening.

At noon, he came in for lunch, leading a tired and hungry Dev in for his bowl first before he searched out his own food. Fresh BLT sandwiches and soup already waited for us on the island.

But when he walked in and saw them, he just went to the pantry, got a couple of cans of tuna out, and went about making them. In more silence.

From where I sat on the stool, I asked quietly. “You don’t like BLT’s?” I had on another simple outfit of yoga pants and a zip-up athletic jacket, but I felt bare. I picked at a stray thread on the cuff of my sleeve as he just grunted and shrugged.

“If you’d tell me these things, I can try to make what you do like.” I tried again.

“I don’t like BLT’s.” He said gruffly from the fridge as he got mayo out.

“But you like bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Just not together? I thought everyone liked them.”

“Well, I don’t. Is that okay?” He snapped as he slammed the fridge door shut.

I flinched at the noise and closed my eyes to calm myself. He wasn’t angry with me, I told myself. I was okay.

He stood at the counter and finished mixing his tuna before turning as he began eating it without sitting down.

He sighed as he saw me just sitting there, not eating. Like that annoyed him, too.

“You just don’t make them like-” He cut himself off as I sat there waiting, praying, wishing for a tidbit of information from him. A small piece of his past, a crumb, anything! “Never mind.” He sighed, turning his back to me as he finished eating, looking at the cabinet.

He would rather look at a cabinet than me.

I wasn’t good enough.

Shame and pain roared through my veins as my heart sputtered and my body shivered. “Like Molly does?” I asked in a whisper.

He whipped around so fast I flinched again and had to grab the counter to keep from falling off the stool as I ground my teeth and waited for the slap or punch, but it didn’t come. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. But I couldn’t live in ignorant silence anymore. This was more than just a landing place for me on my way to somewhere else. He was more than just a man that was sheltering me until he could take me home. There was more between us, and I needed to know if I was a fool for believing he felt anything for me after he’d forced me to feel for him.

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