Page 53 of I Met Him At The Library

We continued walking, and in an effort to move past the awkwardness of seeing Nick, Ryan restarted our conversation where we had left off. Except my brain was reeling trying to figure out if I should have told Nick that Ryan was my boyfriend, instead of making up a story about meeting with library people. Truth be told, at this point, I probably should have.

Except, Nick had been friendly with quite a few people in Maple Creek. I didn’t want him talking to them about seeing me here because one of two things would happen. The town would be talking about my relationship with Ryan or the town would be talking about how I faked being with Ryan in order to save face with my ex. I really hated that second option.

When it was time for us to come clean about our relationship, I wanted to do it in a way that would put it in a positive light from the beginning, to make sure it was easy to handle all around. I mean, I was the woman, whose boyfriends seemed to run for the hills after our breakups. The town had taken bets before. This relationship wouldn’t be any different.

“I ran into Nick while we were in Fairwood,” I said to Meghan as she lounged on my couch.

“Nick’s in the area?”

“Evidently he’s doing some work out there.”

“So your ex and your boyfriend met each other?”

“Yeah. That’s the thing. I didn’t tell Nick that Ryan and I were dating. I made up some stupid excuse about a meeting for the library.”

Meghan straightened and gave me a concerned look.

“I know,” I groaned, dropping into the chair, “I think I was afraid Nick was still talking to people in town. If he told someone, people would either run off with the gossip of us dating or believe I’d told Nick I was dating Ryan to make him jealous. You know how the town is.”

“Emily,” she softly scolded, “You have to get over this thing with the town. You deserve happiness, and it’s absolutely ridiculous to let possible rumors get in the way of living your life.”

“I know but, fuck, you know what happened in high school. I prefer to keep my life private. It’s none of their business, but they’ll make it their business.”

“And as long as you and those closest to you know the truth, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?”

“Meghan, your situation was handled privately, and kept private. You didn’t go through the staring and whispers. You didn’t have people look at you like you were tainted. Your parents weren’t defriended and treated like strangers. What happened to me, it changed me and my family.”

“Why’d you stay here then? Why not run away like Poppy did?” She asked, leaning back on the couch.

“By the time I could afford it, it wasn’t worth it. Plus I had you and my parents for half the year. Now, I’m very careful about how much of my life the town gets to witness.”

“And in carefully curating what is acceptable to share with people, you might be pushing away the best thing to ever happen to you.”

“I know.”

“You shouldn’t have to hide what you do and who you love,” Meghan stated, a small smirk spreading on face.

“I didn’t say I loved him,” I blurted.

Meghan laughed, “But you do.”

She wasn’t wrong. I had fallen for Ryan, and it was hard to imagine my life without him. His house was starting to feel more like our house, half of my wardrobe was in his closet at this point. I’d even left a few books I had finished.

If leaving books in someone’s house wasn’t a sign of a serious relationship, I didn’t know what was. Leaving a book behind meant you trusted the person to care for one of your most precious belongings. If a bookworm wanted to stake their claim on a person, they left a book at their place.

Ryan wanted to go public with our relationship from the start, but I … I was fucking terrified about what the town would say … how they might speak to Ryan about me. I trusted Ryan to not give a damn what anyone else had to say about me, but I abhorred being the center of attention. Public displays of our affection would throw me right back into that.

I’d be in for weeks of barely keeping my anxiety under control, not to mention the hell it would put Ryan through. My eyes widened as the realization came over me. I didn’t care this much about what the town said about me, but how it would affect Ryan.

Nick was a fling at best. So when the town put us together, I paid no mind to it, and Nick didn’t either, at least not to my face. But with Ryan, I was panicking because he was so much more than a fling to me.

If we were going to go public, I needed to tell him what happened in the past and how it affects me now, despite my efforts to not let it happen.

“I need to prepare Ryan, and we need to go public on our own terms,” I said, raising my eyes from the floor to Meghan.

“Yes you do. I’ve got your back, and his friends will too. None of us will let this get out of control. Plus, I’ve got some connections in the gossip brigade. We could control the narrative.”

Huffing a laugh, I relaxed back in my chair. Ryan wouldn’t be upset by my past. Maybe upset for me, based on everything that happened afterward, but he wouldn’t break this off because of it. However, he needed to be prepared and learn to ignore the comments that would be made about us.

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