Page 61 of I Met Him At The Library

She was right. I might have been caught off guard by Ryan’s behavior with Nick, but truthfully, I wasn’t mad about it. I was more angry with myself for once again letting the town control me through whispers and the possibility of rumors. Ryan was fantastic. As much as I wanted to run to him and tell him I was being stupid, I needed to do that after I dealt with my own issues once and for all. He deserved to have a woman who didn’t live in fear of what other people would say.

Unfortunately, the more I tried to work through my fears, the more the guilt about how I’d behaved toward Ryan engulfed me, and I started wallowing in self pity. With my responsibilities cared for, I was free to fall into the pit of despair. What if I fucked it up irreparably? What if by the time I worked through my fears, Ryan moved on?

As my fingers hovered over my phone, I contemplated telling him what I was doing. But would it be giving him hope? I was still mad he didn’t talk to me first before he went and staked his claim. What if, by the time I worked through my emotions, I came to the conclusion I didn’t actually want to be with a man who gave into his caveman tendencies?

Putting my phone down, I picked up my laptop and began typing away in a stream of consciousness. Whenever a problem hit me or I needed to fix something about myself, this was the only thing that helped, to get every thought out of my head and record it all somewhere else.

Chapter 35

Ryan

Sitting in my office, it’d been a couple of days since the incident I’d been trying to avoid even thinking about. Unfortunately, it was the only thing my brain would focus on. I walked down the street and the whispers made their way to my ears. Betsy had butted in with concern on how I’d already fucked things up, mainly because Emily and I hadn’t been seen together since the day in the restaurant.

I couldn’t even go into the pub without someone whispering or saying something stupid to me, so the guys had been coming over to my place after work. I didn’t mind. It gave my mind a break from the constant worry. They talked about their days. I talked about the library. We ate some food. We drank a few beers. Then they’d leave.

Afterward, I tossed and turned all night because I could still smell her fruity scent on the pillow next to mine. I hugged it most nights wishing it was her in my arms.

With the exception of the last text message, there was zero contact between us. My sister, however, had been blowing up my phone daily to check on me.

Then there was the text I received from Meghan, letting me know she’d be taking on any additional planning from Emily. It damn near broke me. I had grabbed my keys to go to her apartment to demand she speak to me, but stopped myself. That was how I had gotten into this whole mess to begin with.

It was best for me to give her the space she requested. She said when the event was over we could speak then, so I threw all my focus into the event.

Unfortunately, that was just as depressing for me. It didn’t look like I’d be able to save the library at all. Emily would break up with me, I’d need to find a new job, move away from my sister and the life I built here, and be alone forever. Maybe I could get a cat.

Staring at the ticket sales, it wasn’t doing me any bit of good, everything was set and in motion. We’d only reached half of the goal, and there was nothing more I could do.

Someone knocked on my office door and I answered, “Come in.”

“Hey Ryan,” Meghan said as she entered my office, then her eyes inspected me with concern. “Man you look rough.”

“Thanks,” I muttered.

“Can I help with anything?”

“There is nothing left to do. We aren’t going to reach our goals, and I can’t sit here and look at these numbers anymore. I’ve lost my girlfriend. I’m losing my job. I’m going to end up like Neil.”

Meghan gave me a sad smile, “I don’t think you’ve lost anything yet.”

“Can you handle the festival for now? If something comes up, I can help, but I need to be turning my attention to other work,” I said then muttered, “Work that won’t remind me of Emily.”

“Yeah, I can take it on,” Meghan agreed.

“Thank you,” I said as I began closing out all the festival tabs.

“Emily has a hard time sharing things that hurt her. But I think you should know, and it might make me a bad friend to share this, but it might help you understand her better,” Meghan started, and I stopped what I was doing to give her my full attention.

She continued, leaning back in her chair and twisting her fingers around each other. “In high school Emily wasn’t super popular but she was a nice girl. Everyone could count on her. She was kind, and ultimately used because of it. She dated this guy, Thomas. He was popular, hung out with the Hill kids, played football, yadda yadda. They dated for most of senior year. He was her first, and the whole town loved the coupling.”

My fingers tightened on the arm of the chair, and I tried not to show emotion over hearing how someone else had Emily.

“Toward the end of the year, there were a few fights between Emily and Thomas. She eventually broke things off. Thomas was not the type of guy who took rejection well. He, along with some friends - Aaron and Matt Hill included - told the entire town Emily had cheated on or tried to cheat on Thomas with his friends. Within a couple of days, she went from being sweet Emily Brown to being the town slut.”

She gave me a sad look as my mouth opened in shock and my eyebrows pinched in anger. The Hill family was trouble, and I kept my distance, but damn, I didn’t know they were downright liars who attempted to ruin a young girl's reputation.

“In the aftermath, her parents' friends distanced themselves from them, as did most of the people who used to be kind to Emily, and a few months later her best friend left town for college. Emily secluded herself away for a couple of years, rarely appearing in public. At least until after I graduated and ran into her at the diner. We sat down and had dinner together. We’ve been close ever since. We knew each other back then when her best friend dated my brother, but after the lies were spread about her, she simply tried to disappear.”

“That’s horrible,” I whispered.

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