Page 60 of I Met Him At The Library

“Yes, and if the festival doesn’t bring in enough money, he won’t be able to save the library. What happens then? He leaves to go find work, and once again I’m left to deal with the rumors of why he left. You know damn well the town will blame me. They blamed me when Thomas and his friends told the whole town I slept with all of them, which was why Thomas supposedly broke up with me. The reality was, we both knew I broke up with him. As soon as the dust flew behind his truck, the whole town started talking about how I drove him away.

Then there was George with a mutual break up, and him getting a job in California. Once again, I can’t keep a man because I’m a slutty slut slut. Then Nick where we were basically friends with benefits, but once his work was done, he was off to the next job, but the rumors were all that I drove him away too.

The lie from highschool still follows me around. It’ll be the same thing if Ryan has to leave. But think about who his friends are, Trey, Levi, and Preston. The last thing I need is the town saying I slept with Trey, and that would be why you left.”

“Oh please, I know damn well you never slept with Trey or ever would. And I might still hate him a bit for the way he broke up with me, but damn that was almost fifteen years ago. Are they still going on about it?”

“If gossip is slow they’ll talk about anything and make up stories to entertain themselves, I can’t stop them.”

She sighed before she said, “Maybe not, but you’re the one who gives them the power over your life. You don’t speak up for yourself, you hide away, and let what they say get to you.”

“It’s easier than trying to fight them,” I mumbled.

“And it’s costing you everything. You don’t get to brag about your books, or love someone, or even enjoy your life because you let them scare you into keeping to yourself. It’s not fair to you. You deserve love and from the sounds of it, Ryan loves you.”

“Ryan didn’t respect my wishes.”

“You didn’t respect his either,” she pointed out, and I cringed.

It was true, and I kinda hated how I’d let myself get this bad. I was a hermit in my apartment, and no matter how much I tried to tell myself I was simply introverted, or enjoyed my peace and quiet, I was hiding. I was hiding from the rumors and disgusting lies some people believed about me.

I didn’t know how to deal with the lies when they first started spreading back in high school because some asshole couldn’t deal with the fact I rejected him, so I kept to myself and kept my head down. It worked wonders for my imagination and writing as I had barely anyone to talk to, at least until Meghan and I started hanging out again.

“Did I fuck this up?” I asked Poppy.

“No, but you should talk to him.”

“I told him we would talk after the festival. Is that too long?”

“No. I think you both should take some time. Look, if it’s love, you two will see each other after the festival and know if this is something you still want to pursue - be it he needs to find a job elsewhere or he decides to figure out a way to make it work in Maple Creek. Maybe he’ll find a job elsewhere and you’ll move with him?”

“Oh, I don’t know if I could do that,” I said.

“Why not? That town hasn’t done much for you, and you deserve better. Between your income and what he might be able to get in his field, you could afford to live somewhere else, where the rumors wouldn’t follow.”

“I know you hate this town, but it’s home for me. I’ve visited plenty of places, but I like it here. I like the quiet and I have people I can count on here. I’ll never find these friendships anywhere else, at least not easily.”

“I know, I don’t have many friends here in Chicago. Max seems to have no problem with it, but I only have my friend, Chloe, here. There are times I miss the peace and quiet, but I hated how people talked about me and Trey. Plus my life is here now.”

“Max’s life is there, your life can travel.” I pointed out.

Poppy huffed a laugh and said, “Yeah I guess you’re right. Still, he’s my husband and I’m a supportive wife.”

I didn’t comment. When it came to her being a supportive wife, she never received the support she needed from Max. It wasn’t my place, however, I’d be there for her if he ever fucked up so bad she called it quits.

We talked for a little bit about random things. I updated her on my next series, and she already was taking notes for cover ideas. She liked to work that out early in the series so the covers could be cohesive. I trusted her work. As I explained the different characters she was already sharing ideas.

The next day, I stuck to my plan of working from home and avoiding seeing anyone, including Ryan. I needed to lose myself in my work but it was difficult when my work over the past couple of months had included the festival. I needed to break away from it in order to put some temporary - or not so temporary - distance between Ryan and me.

It wasn’t that I wanted to break up with him, because I didn’t. I needed some time to figure out how upset I actually wanted to be with him. I was trying to see things from his point of view. Also, I needed to take some time to put the past behind me, to figure out my comebacks for any and all rumors spread, and to heal from the pain I’d held onto for way too freaking long.

Picking up my phone, I shot a text off to Meghan.

Me: I’m going dark for a little bit, I need to finally take the time to deal with my issues.

Meghan: Of course. If you need anything, I’m here for you. Don’t give up on Ryan. He might have acted out, but I think he loves you.

Me: Yeah.

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