Page 58 of I Met Him At The Library

He turned and stepped to the door, before he said, “You’re not the only person with a past. How do you think it felt being kept a secret?”

The door closed behind him and a wave of emotions hit me like a ton of bricks. His reasons for his disappointment and anger were valid, but so were mine.

Chapter 33

Ryan

Ididn’t want to walk out of her apartment, but the tone in her voice told me the argument was done. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Nick was sitting with her, and before I figured out what I was doing, I was acting like one of the main male characters in her books.

He was trying to steal her from me, and I wasn’t going to let it happen, so I kissed her in front of half the town. I gripped her face and kissed her like she was the air I breathed and the only source for it.

When the whispers from nearby tables hit my ears, the feeling that I’d fucked up hit my gut. Even at that moment, I couldn’t be sorry about it. I wanted everyone to know, and maybe a part of me hoped pushing her was the answer.

Oh god, I’m an asshole.

As I left Emily’s apartment the ick came over me. Shame filled me for what I’d done. I went about the whole situation the wrong way. She could handle herself and instead of letting her explain to Nick that she wasn’t interested in starting up anything with him, I let my insecurities take hold. I claimed her like a damn caveman, and unlike in the books she reads and writes, that isn’t what she wanted.

I had wanted to talk to her about our relationship. I wanted to tell her it didn’t matter if we saved the library or not, because I’d find a way to stay here in Maple Creek. I’d find a way to stay for her.

Hell, I’d even go work with Trey, if it meant I got to go home to her every night. Except, I’d fucked that. Instead of telling her, I went and forced her to acknowledge our relationship publicly. Then I went and basically told her she could save the library.

Oh my god! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Getting in my car, I ignored the staring pedestrians and the hushed words coming out of their mouths. I didn’t care about the gossip. I wanted Emily, and I fucked it all up.

Driving home, my emotions went from shame right back to anger. I tried to communicate my desires to go public with our relationship for months. We obviously worked, hell she even had some clothes and a couple of books at my place. Why would she push me away?

It was bound to come out at some point. She wouldn’t have been able to hide what we were forever. Why did she feel so adamant about hiding our feelings for each other? What the hell happened?

What the hell was this woman doing to me? I shouldn’t feel intimidated by someone she, herself, had said didn’t mean anything to her. But here I was letting my old shit come back to haunt me.

In highschool, I had a girlfriend I thought I loved who, basically, tore my heart out. She wanted to date in secret, but she was using me to help with her school work. I was the geeky kid who was on the heavy side, and she was beautiful and popular. She was nice, too. Like, she never made fun of anyone or bullied, and in fact stood up to people who would bully others. But then, I asked her to prom. She had told me Trip Nelson, the quarterback and prom king, had already asked her, and she said yes. Steph was crowned prom queen. It all felt so “Pretty in Pink” or whatever old teen movie that was.

I may not have healed entirely from stupid high school bull shit, because seeing Emily there with Nick, all those same feelings came roaring back. But this time, I was absolutely in love with her, and I wasn’t going to give up so easily.

Pulling into my driveway, I got out of the car and walked into my townhome. Tossing my keys on the entryway table, I dropped down to the sofa and laid down. Throwing my arm over my eyes, I groaned out.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

I needed to apologize to Emily, and hopefully we could make this right. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I pulled up our messages.

Me: I’m sorry. I’m an ass. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. Old pains and bullshit reared their ugly head and it was unfair. Maybe we could sit down and discuss this?

I waited patiently for her to respond. Seeing the checkmark on the message, then the three bubbles as they moved and stopped, disappeared, then popped back up a few times before finally her response came through.

Emily: I need a little bit of time. Meghan will handle the festival with you and after the stress of that is over, maybe we can see where we land.

My heart sank. The festival was a couple weeks away, and I didn’t know if I could deal with not seeing her for so long. But after the stunt I pulled this morning, I didn’t have much choice. She needed to know I’d respect her request.

Me: Okay, I understand.

Sending the message was like cutting a hole in my chest and squeezing my heart. It hurt. Every instinct I had was telling me to fight harder for her, but it wasn’t what she needed right now. She needed to know she was safe to figure things out for herself. I only wished I could explain things to her.

My doorbell rang several times and I jumped up from the sofa before flinging open the door. My hope that it was Emily was crushed when my friends stood where I hoped she’d be. Seeing the box of pizza in Levi’s hand, and the case of beer in Preston’s, told me all I needed to know. News had spread.

“I hear congratulations are in order,” Trey said with a smile, but it faltered upon seeing my expression.

“Or not?” Preston said.

---