Page 39 of I Met Him At The Library

The rest of the day was spent putting together the plans for the con. I pretended like my own pen name hadn’t appeared on the list but my brain kept turning back to it.

At the beginning of my career, it wasn’t a big deal to keep my identity a secret. However, with the rise of social media in the bookish world, it gave indie authors a whole new way to reach their ideal readers. It was good for so many - offering chances they wouldn’t be offered otherwise.

But with the rise came the pressure of revealing yourself and looking perfect. Be that pressure coming from personal insecurities or social biases, it was still a very real feeling and hard to escape. There used to be a time when no one knew what authors looked like, but now it was almost a requirement. Very few managed to keep their identities quiet. Those of us with pen names often took extra care to keep our identities a secret or risked people revealing who we were.

Jobs, families, security all needed to be taken into account when it came to deciding to reveal your face, or your identity. But hiding yourself away could be detrimental to your ability to gain more readers as people wanted to see who was behind their favorite books.

Meet and greets, book signings, panels, and book conventions could catapult an author, but for the introverted author who wanted to protect their identity, it was almost an impossibility. Especially when the con was held locally in your small town where everyone you grew up with could attend. I could imagine the look of horror on some people’s faces once they figured out the genre I wrote in and what type of content was in my books. I’d basically become a pariah in the town, and it could affect my family and friends too.

“Hey!” Meghan shouted, entering my apartment later in the night.

I smiled at her as she walked over to me in my living room and I turned down the TV on my millionth rewatch of Battlestar Galactica. I had turned it on hoping it would calm the straight up panic I was feeling, but I was still battling with the idea of revealing my pen name.

“What’s wrong?” Meghan asked plopping on the other side of the sofa.

I turned to face her, “Evidently, my books are popular at the library.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “When did you put your books in the library?”

“I didn’t. I thought you did.”

“No! You didn’t want anyone in town knowing what you actually do. I wouldn’t do that out of fear someone would figure it out.”

“I have no idea who put them there or who requested them to be put there.”

“So, your pen name was on the list of authors?”

“Yep. Ryan knows they’re my books. He told me I don’t need to reveal it’s me, and he was sincere. But there is a part of me that wonders …”

Meghan gave me a small supportive smile as she asked, “You wonder if people will show up for you and help save the library if you participate in the festival?”

I nodded and glanced down at my hand fiddling with the top of my fuzzy green socks. I had been writing for years now - happily never showing my face, never connecting my pen name to my real life, and never doing any type of signings or tours. I was happy being a small indie author. About a year ago, my books started taking off and I started wondering if it was time to deal with the possible fall out here at home so I could meet my readers.

To find out my books were popular in the town I grew up in was shocking. Walking home earlier, I checked everyone I passed for a knowing expression, wondering if they’d read my books. It was a surreal feeling and also nerve wracking.

“Where’s your mind?” Meghan asked.

“It’s telling me I need to suck it up and start doing some of the things all the other authors do. It’s telling me if I do what all the other authors do, there is no way I will keep up with my publishing schedule and goals. It’s also telling me that, while I might help in a big way to save the library and Ryan’s job, my summers will be completely taken over with events. When will we have time to date if I’m always doing author things?”

I had come clean to Meghan about my quietly dating Ryan when I talked to her about the book convention. She was happy for us, and also a bit smug, having figured out my crush on him at our last girl's night.

“Just because you go public with who you are, doesn’t mean you are obligated to do all the things the other authors do. You pick one event every year to attend, you offer signed or special edition copies on your website, and maybe every now and then you go do a book signing in Chicago or somewhere. You and Ryan could do a working vacation. Plus, Ryan is the type of guy who will be a hundred percent supportive and you know it,” Meghan responded with a small smile and worried eyes.

“See, logically I know that’s true. I know I should only do what I’m comfortable with. But I’ve been comfortable keeping my actual identity a secret. I don’t do well in crowds, and I’m not great with social media.”

“Which is why I handle all your marketing.” Meghan shrugged.

“Exactly. I have a hard time speaking to people unless I’ve known them long enough to be comfortable around them. Going public is not something I’m comfortable doing.”

“Then don’t do it, sweetie. You are allowed to keep your identity to yourself. You’re still killing the book game and doing well for yourself.”

“But, what about the library?” I questioned softly.

“We will find a way to get funding, regardless of you being a part of the signing and the panels or not.”

I appreciated Meghan being so reassuring, and Ryan wasn’t pushing for me to do this either. Switching gears, Meghan and I started brainstorming names for the book con and even discussed making it a yearly thing. Outside of the anxiety-inducing revelation that people in this town were reading my books, I was having a lot of fun with the planning process of the festival. I was positive the stress of it all would hit soon enough.

We needed to come up with a list of names, have Ryan approve of one, and then send it off to Poppy for her to make a whole slew of social media graphics and promos for the event. As we got authors on board with appearing, we’d add their names to our marketing materials and within a couple of weeks we’d start promoting.

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