Page 56 of The Best Friend Power Play

He smiles sadly. "It's true. I'm not Mr. Grand Romantic Gesture like some people we know. And I…I find it hard to open up."

A beat passes, and then I ask, "Why?"

"Remember last year, when I saw a therapist for a few months?"

"Yeah."

"He said something during one of our sessions that has stuck with me." He exhales, then turns over so he's looking me square in the eye. "He said I have a severe fear of losing someone…again."

"Again?" It takes my brain a second to get it. "Oh. Right. Trevor."

He nods. "Yeah. Trevor. Apparently, complex childhood trauma can make having healthy relationships as an adult difficult. Borderline impossible, in my case. I'm good at keeping things light and fun, but I can never go any deeper. It's surface-level only. It's never like how it is with you."

My heart thuds faster in my chest, but now is not the time to interpret what he just said through a romantic lens. He's being vulnerable, and I'm sure he means what he said in a friendship way only.

"On top of that, I've got injuries piling up, an uncertain future post-hockey, and with the less-than-stellar financial decisions I've made, I don't feel like I'm…" He squeezes his eyes shut, his mouth set in a grimace. "Like I'm good enough to be with anyone."

"Culver." I push the pillows out of the way and stroke his arm. "You're a good person. That's what counts. Not the state of your body or how much money you have in the bank."

"I know. But I also want to be the best version of myself. I don't want to enter into a relationship as a half. I want to be a whole."

I smile. "That's really beautiful."

His eyes meet mine.

He doesn't say anything, and neither do I. We just look at each other for what feels like a really long time.

It should be weird.

Maybe it is weird

But weirdly, it doesn't feel weird.

Something is shifting between us and…and I want him to kiss me.

Right here.

Right now.

My breath quickens, coming out in brief, rapid puffs.

"What are you thinking?" he asks, his voice deep, low, gentle.

He runs a finger across my shoulder.

Am I imagining it, or am I picking up on a vibe from him, too?

Ugh. I don't want to overthink this.

So don't, a small voice in the back of my head whispers. If it feels good, do it.

So I say it. "I want to kiss you."

Apart from his eyebrows lifting a fraction, there's no other reaction on his face to the massive bomb I've just dropped.

"That's too bad," he murmurs, lightly stroking the side of my face with his fingertips. "Because I also want to kiss you."

"I think we can come to a mutually beneficial arrangement."

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