She strokes my arm. "I'm glad you took your time and processed it. It's better than you saying something you don't mean and then taking it back."
"I would never do that."
"I know."
"I've been beating myself up about it."
"Why?" She smiles warmly as she latches onto my shoulders and stares up at me with those iridescent blue eyes. "You did nothing wrong."
"It felt like I did. I felt like I let you down. I…" I push through the resistance and self-doubt bubbling up to get the words out. "I want to be the best man for you."
She nods. "In that case, there’s something I need to tell you."
"What is it?"
Her smile vanishes as she takes a shaky breath, and for a tiny second, I brace myself, fearing it’s something bad.
But then she explains, "I only feel safe enough to tell you now I know how you feel but…I’ve been in love with you for a while, Culver."
"Define a while."
Another shaky breath.
"A few years."
She mumbles the words so softly I’m sure I must have misheard.
"Years?" I check, and when she nods, the surge of heat that explodes in my chest almost knocks me off my feet.
The fear and doubt and insecurity that had been living inside of me ease off a little. The feelings don't miraculously disappear—though I wish they would—but they're not as all-consuming as they were even a few seconds ago.
Because she’s loved me for years!
Wow, this talking about feelings thing really does work.
Since we seem to be on a bit of a roll, I forge ahead. "I wanted to say I love you the first night we were intimate, but I didn't want you to think I was saying it in the throes of passion."
"I understand." She slides her palms across my chest. "You could have said it the second or third or fourth time we were intimate, though."
She looks up at me and smiles, letting me know she's kidding.
"I've been a dumb oaf who needed some space to see what was right in front of me," I admit sheepishly. "Because I have been miserable these past few days without you. I've missed you so much."
A single tear slides down her cheek. "I've been miserable and missed you so much, too. And I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you how I felt."
"It’s okay. We know now, and that’s what matters."
I lean in and kiss her, the taste of her salty tear on my lip a reminder to always be this honest and open with her. No matter how hard it may be, from now on, that's what I'm going to do.
Because my girl deserves the best, and that's what I'm going to give her.
20
Hannah
The weeks since Culver got back from training, dropped his luggage on the floor, and declared his love for me have been magical, like a dream I never want to wake up from.
He made dinner every night.