Being with Fraser is unlocking parts of me I hadn't even realized I'd locked away.
I guess I've always felt a little on the backfoot for not wanting to progress to anything more intimate than kissing with the guys I've dated, so I tried to make up for it in other ways. I suppressed who I was—or tried to, at least—toning down my quirkiness, my messiness, my lack of food making-ness.
It never worked, clearly.
But fake dating Fraser means I can just be me. Even the parts of me that aren't the greatest. I mean, he didn't instantly dismiss the idea of me eating a newly rediscovered half-eaten packet of Oreos…and yet, even if that's what I had been doing, I get the feeling he wouldn't have minded. It's as if he likes all of me, which is probably why my walls are starting to crumble and my crush is returning.
Big time.
But unlike in high school, this time it's different. Because this time, it's not just a one-way thing.
I'm confident Fraser feels something happening between us as well.
We almost kissed again when he came over to my place.
He's opening up to me like he used to, even if he got oddly guarded when the topic of Dawn came up.
And he's the one who suggested these chat dates.
That has to mean something…doesn't it?
Fraser
"Wow. Two calls in two days."
I wince. "It's too much. I'm calling too much, aren't I?"
Silence hangs in the air.
I pull my phone away from my ear.
The call is still connected. Evie's still there. Probably trying to find a diplomatic way to reply to that.
"It's fine," she says eventually. "More than fine, actually."
"Really?" I double check to make sure.
"Really. I'm usually so exhausted by the time I get home I don't have the energy to do anything. I wouldn't say I'm lonely, but it's nice having someone to talk to while I chill out in a face mask and sweats."
Picturing Evie in a face mask and sweats should not set my imagination on fire. What is wrong with me?
"How was your day?" I ask, settling into a comfortable position on the bed.
She tells me about the ridiculously early start she had today to join her friends on a sunrise walk, which, according to her, should be renamed to a pre-sunrise walk for accuracy reasons since she needed to drag herself out of bed while it was still dark to make it to their favorite vantage point in time to see the sun rise.
I smile and listen as she tells me more about her day, loving hearing her voice, feeling like she's close to me when in reality, we're on opposite sides of the country.
I've been thinking about her all day.
During the bus ride from New York to Philadelphia, when I caught up on a bunch of her segments I'd missed.
Throughout practice.
Training in the gym.
While I was having a massage.
Evie was all I could think about.