Page 32 of Hailey Goes to College

She gives me a weak smile. “Thanks, Hailey.”

I hug her close as she restarts the movie, and after it ends she’s quiet as we clean up and get ready for bed. As I lay in bed, I stare at the ceiling unable to turn off my brain. Ryan and Kelsey swirling around as two equations I’m desperate to solve.

Thanksgiving break ends with a mix of relief and melancholy. The city of Chicago, with its vibrant waterfront and endless activities, provided a temporary escape from the turmoil of my life. But as I pack up my things in the hotel room, ready to return to campus, the reality of my situation with Ryan settles back in. Kelsey and I were able to salvage the end of the break with moments together exploring our new city and seeing some of its most famous sites, but there’s still a sense of unfinished business that looms over me, creating a knot of anxiety in the middle of my stomach.

Kelsey and I take our time making our way back to campus. When we get there we find hundreds of other students trying to get settled back into their dorms. The familiar sights and sounds bring a strange sense of comfort, reminding me of our first day. As I walk through the first floor of Hamilton Hall, I can’t help but glance around, half-expecting to see Ryan. But he’s nowhere to be found, and I remind myself that it’s probably for the best. We both need space. I’m not naïve enough to think that I won’t run into him. We go to the same school and live in the same dorm hall. I know it’s inevitable, but for now, I think we both need some space.

Kelsey and I spend the morning unpacking our things and getting settled in. “So, how are you feeling about seeing Ryan again?” she asks gently, sensing my unease.

“I’m not sure,” I say while hanging up my jacket. “Part of me wants to talk to him, to understand everything and to know why he lied about it. But another part of me is still so mad. I don’t get why he would lie to me.”

Kelsey nods in understanding. “Just take it one day at a time. You’ll figure it out.”

As we finish unpacking, we decide to take a walk across campus to get some hot chocolate. The cold nip in the air has us walking fast to the small kiosk. The familiar sight of fellow students bustling about and the noises of people chatting help to calm my nerves. I can’t help but look around, worrying about bumping into Ryan. We make it to the kiosk and get our hot chocolates. I wrap my hands around the cup to help keep them warm as we sit on a bench, watching people rush by us.

“So, did you manage to listen to any of Ryan’s voicemails or read his texts?” Kelsey asks after taking a sip of her drink.

I shake my head. “No, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I still don’t know if I can listen to them.”

“Maybe you should,” she gently suggests. “Just hear him out. It might help you decide what to do next. Maybe it’ll get you to stop looking over your shoulder.”

I take a sip of my hot chocolate, thinking it over. Plus it buys me a few more seconds to confess to Kelsey what I know she doesn’t want to hear. “I just need some more time. I’m not ready.” Thankfully, she just nods in understanding. She’s been quiet today. We walk back to the dorm, sipping out hot chocolate, each of us trapped in our thoughts.

After a restless sleep, I abandon my bed and get up as the sun rises. My only hope of making it through the day is caffeine so I head to the campus coffee shop in search of it. When I step inside, the familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee and the soft music playing in the background greets me. I’m not surprised to find that I’m not the only one here this early. There are a few people sitting at tables, typing on laptops, and one person reading a book. Once I have my caffeine fix in my hand, I find a quiet corner, slip out of my coat, and settle in with my laptop, hoping to catch up on some reading and maybe distract myself for a bit before I need to get over to my first class.

As I scroll through my assignments, my mind involuntarily drifts back to Ryan and the text message I saw on his phone. The words play over and over in my mind, taunting me. How could he have lied to me so convincingly? And why does part of me still want to believe him?

Suddenly, a shadow falls over my table, and I look up to see Ryan standing there, his expression unreadable. My heart skips a beat, and I feel a rush of conflicting emotions—anger, sadness, and something else I can’t quite identify. It took less than twenty-four hours for us to run into each other.

“Hailey,” he says softly, as if testing the waters. “Can I please talk to you?”

I hesitate, my first instinct is to tell him no, but my curiosity and confused feelings for him push me to nod.

He sits down across from me, and for a moment, neither of us speaks. He fiddles with his backpack strap that he lays across his lap. My eyes track the motion of his fingers. The silence between us is heavy, filled with everything left unsaid.

“I know you saw the text,” Ryan begins, his tone serious. “And I know it looks bad. But I swear, Hailey, I can explain.”

I cross my arms as if that will offer protection from getting hurt again. “Why should I believe anything you say to me?”

He takes a deep breath. “Because I love you, and I don’t want this to end in a dumb misunderstanding. The text you saw, it was from a guy I know who trades stocks. He likes to talk big, make things sound more exciting and dramatic than they really are. He’s not even my friend. He’s just some guy who’s seen Wolf of Wall Street too many times. You’ve been to my house. Who do you think I know that could possibly be giving me insider knowledge? I’m just lucky when it comes to market predictions.”

I raise an eyebrow, feeling skeptical. “Then why didn’t you just mention that to me in the first place?”

“Because I didn’t want to drag you into it,” he whisper shouts, getting frustrated. “I thought if I kept it simple, you wouldn’t have to worry. But I understand now that it just made things worse.”

I study his face, searching for any sign that he’s lying. But all I see is a mixture of regret and sincerity. Could I have just been wrong the whole time? Blew that text out of proportion and ghosted him and his family for no good reason?

“Why didn’t you answer my calls or texts?” he asks, his voice trembling slightly. “I thought you hated me,” he says quietly. “After what happened, I figured you needed space. And I didn’t want to push you so that’s why I stopped trying to call you after those first two days.”

His genuine look of hurt starts to break down my resolve. “Ryan, I don’t know if I can handle anything more,” I say, my voice breaking. “My feelings were hurt-are hurt. I can’t just make it go away. As much as I would like to.”

He reaches across the table, taking my hand in his. “I understand, but Hailey nothing happened. It was literally nothing. You have to believe me I wouldn’t do something like that.”

I pull my hands away and fidget with the cardboard warmer around my cup. “I don’t know,” I whisper.

“What do you need? I’ll do it.” He reaches forward but stops, clenching his hand into a fist before touching me.

“It’s nothing like that,” I say. “It’ll just take some time. I need time.”

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