Page 29 of Hailey Goes to College

Tears threaten to fill my eyes as I look up at him. “I love you too, Ryan. More than I ever thought possible.”

We hold each other, basking in the afterglow. For a fleeting second, I wonder if I should get up and go to my bedroom, but if Ryan wanted that then I’m sure he would say something. His silence is my answer. As I drift off to sleep in his arms, I feel so much joy and happiness that this man is in my life. That he loves me and that I made the right decision in coming here. This has been the best Thanksgiving.

I open my eyes and look around the dark room, feeling disoriented. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust to the muted light. There’s a faint light coming in through the bedroom windows which tells me it’s still more night than day. I feel Ryan’s arm draped over me, his breathing deep and even. I’m not sure what woke me but then I hear a soft buzzing sound pulling me further out of my sleep. I realize it’s Ryan’s phone vibrating on the nightstand.

Not wanting to wake him, I gently move his arm off of me and then lean over to grab the phone so I can silence it. As I do, the screen lights up with a new text message. My sleepy eyes focus on the words, and my heart skips a beat.

It’s from someone named Tom:

Dude! I got a guy on the inside. Need you to log in ASAP and start placing buy orders for X-Trade stock. We’re going to make a killing!

A cold wave of shock washes over me. My mind racing back to the conversation Ryan and I had weeks ago outside his lecture class. He had assured me that he wasn’t involved in anything illegal. Yet, this text would lead me to believe otherwise.

I read the message again, hoping I misunderstood. I’m tired. It was a long day and then we were up late but the words remain the same. The text screams insider trading. My stomach churns with a mix of betrayal and disbelief. I can’t make sense of it, not after everything I’ve seen of Ryan and this past week on his family’s farm.

There’s no way I can sleep now. My mind is reeling and I can’t make sense of this. If this text is true then Ryan has been lying to me since the start. Since the moment I first asked him about it for my news story. What other lies could he be telling me? Can I ever trust him like I thought I could? Carefully, I put the phone back on the nightstand, not wanting to wake him. I slip out of bed as quietly as possible, my heart pounding in my chest, my ears are ringing and I can’t hear anything besides the beat of my own heart. I need to think. I need to get out of here.

I pick up my clothes from the floor and hastily put them on. Ryan stirs slightly but doesn’t wake up. I tiptoe to the door, feeling a lump form in my throat. How could he lie to me? After everything we’ve shared, everything we’ve been through, how could he do this? The questions just keep building on top of one another.

I step out into the blessedly quiet hallway and make my way back to the guest room where my things are. There I might be able to think and figure out how to handle this situation. I still can’t believe that Ryan would lie to me. If he lied to me about that what else has he lied to me about? Has he lied about his feelings as well? Was bringing me here some game to him?

I reach my bedroom and quietly slip inside, I close the door and lean against it, taking a deep breath to steady myself. I want to leave—that’s the first thought that comes to my mind. I can’t stay here. I can’t pretend everything is okay when it’s not. I don’t want to pretend in front of his parents who have been nothing but kind to me. I wonder if they know what their son is involved in.

I start packing my bag, my hands trembling as I stuff clothes and toiletries inside. Thank goodness I didn’t bring a suitcase. I can sling my bag over my shoulder and march right out of here. As I move about the room gathering my things my mind runs through the memories of the past few weeks. Each one flashes through my mind—our first meeting, the date at the mini-golf course, the night we shared in his dorm. All of it feels tainted now, overshadowed by finding out that he is involved with shady market trading deals.

Tears sting my eyes, but I blink them away. I need to focus. I need to get out of here before Ryan wakes up and sees me like this. I don’t know how I’ll face him. I don’t know what I’ll say. All I know is that I can’t stay here. I need time and space and I can’t get either one here. I can’t fake that everything is fine and this isn’t something that I want to talk to him about with his parents being able to hear every word.

I’ve just zipped up my bag when I hear a soft knock on the door. My heart jumps into my throat. Did Ryan wake up? Did he notice I was gone? I run my sweating palms over my jeans and take a deep breath, walking towards the door. Before I can open it, I hear a voice.

“Hailey?” Eliose’s soft voice calls out from the other side.

I quickly wipe my eyes making sure none of the tears leaked out and open the door, trying to keep my expression neutral. “Good morning,” I say, forcing a smile.

“Good morning, dear,” she replies with a warm smile of her own. “I just wanted to check if you needed anything before breakfast. You seemed a bit tired last night.”

“Thank you, but no I don’t need anything,” I say, my voice betraying me with being a bit shaky. Thinking quickly, I tell her, “I think I might take a walk to get some fresh air.”

“Of course, dear. Take your time,” she says, her eyes full of concern. “We’ll be in the kitchen when you’re ready. Breakfast won’t be ready for about half an hour.”

I nod in response and watch her walk away. I feel a pang of guilt for lying to her just now but she’s so kind the last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings. Yet here I am, sneaking out like a thief in the night. I shut the bedroom door, turning back to the bed to get my bag. I finish packing and sling it over my shoulder. I take one last look around the room, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill. This isn’t how I imagined my visit would end.

I think I got everything, but if I didn’t I’ll just have to leave it. If I don’t leave now then I won’t have the nerve to leave later, and I can’t face Ryan right now. I mean there’s no way I could have misinterpreted that text from Tom. I don’t want to hear the bullshit lies that Ryan will tell me to cover yet again the fact that he’s doing something illegal or even morally gray. All he had to do was tell me from the start when I did that story on the group of campus kids trading. Then at least everything else moving forward wouldn’t have been built on a lie.

I open the door as quietly as possible, stopping to check for Ryan or his parents. I don’t see or hear anything and close the door as gently as I can behind me. As I make my way downstairs I don’t see anyone else but as I get closer to the front door, I hear Ryan’s mother in the kitchen. Very, very quietly, I make my way out the front door and down the front steps of the house. I may have gotten out of the house but the farm still has people working on it. I weave my way around the barn and slowly make my way down the path that leads from the house to the main road.

The morning air is crisp and cool, a stark contrast to the raging fire burning inside me. I walk quickly, putting as much distance between me and the farmhouse as possible. I go unnoticed and for that I’m thankful.

As I reach the edge of the property, I pause and take a deep breath. I pull out my cell phone to see if I have any service. Thankfully I do, so I send a quick text to Kelsey, giving her the short version of what has happened. My mind races as I continue walking, trying to figure out what to do. Campus is closed for Thanksgiving break, so I can’t go back to the dorm. I need to figure out where to go. I remember seeing a bus stop not far from here when we drove in but I’m not sure how long it’ll take me to walk there but it’s the best shot I have at getting out of town.

I keep trying to find it on my phone’s maps but my service bounces in and out. By some miracle, I make it to the bus stop and check the sign that has the schedule listed. I check my watch and I’ve got about twenty-five minutes before it’s scheduled to come by. I don’t care where it takes me but as long as it’s far away from here. While I wait, my mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I feel hurt, betrayed, and confused. I thought I knew Ryan. I thought I could trust him. But now, everything feels uncertain.

The bus shows up and as I board, I start to consider my options. I could go back to the city and find a hotel, but that seems so impersonal and lonely and I still have several more days before they open up the campus again to welcome back students from break. I don’t want to call my parents because my mother will tell me I told you so, and while my dad won’t say anything, he’ll probably agree with my mother despite telling me to sow my wild oats.

I pull out my phone and text Kelsey, giving her an update on my location and that I’m boarding the bus. I haven’t heard back from her since my initial text but I want someone to know where I am. Once I’m in my seat, the bus starts moving and my phone buzzes. I see a picture of Ryan and silence the call. I don’t want to speak to him but I’m not so heartless that I would want him to think that something happened to me. So I end up answering the call.

“Hailey, where are you?” Ryan’s voice fills my ear. He sounds confused and concerned.

“I had to leave,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “I saw the message on your phone, Ryan. I don’t want to hear any more of your lies.” I’m impressed that I was able to tell him that without crying. Just the thought of how much he deceived me brings the tears flowing down my cheeks.

---