“It was no sweat, babe.”
“You’ll let me know what’s wrong tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I can do that. First thing I’ll message you. Try not to stress over it too much.”
Her eyes leave mine as she digs out her keys from her bag. I should tell her goodnight and walk away. Get back in the truck and leave her to get inside and go about her business but I don’t. I can’t. Seeing her like this and being this close to her, it’s been torture not being able to touch her. Before I can stop myself I reach out and touch her arm and trail my finger down her arm to her hand. Once I get her hand I hold it in mine. When I look back into her eyes I can tell her breathing is shallow, proving that she’s as affected by me just as much as I am by her.
“Carmen, think about what I said. I meant everything I said to you tonight.” Then before I can tell myself not to, because frankly, I don’t care, I want it that bad, I touch my lips to hers and give her a soft kiss.
I turn and walk back down the steps and get back into the truck. I don’t allow myself to look back and see her face—I don’t want to see it if she’s upset, but I don’t think she is. Carmen doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do, and if she didn’t want me to kiss her, she would have made that known immediately. I have to stop myself from skipping down the sidewalk like some asshole, secretly smiling to myself.
Carmen
The alarm on my phone went off way too early in the morning for my liking. I quickly silenced it so as not to wake Lucia, who crawled into bed with me at some point in the night and is now smashed up against my side. I silently groaned, thinking about all of the things that I have to get done today without a car. Lucia goes to preschool two days a week and today is one of those days. I can’t alter my schedule and keep her at home so I need to figure out my day. I have about an hour before I need to wake her up, so I quietly extract myself from the bed and make my way downstairs.
The moment my feet hit the bottom step, I can hear my mom in the kitchen and smell the breakfast she’s already got going on the stove. I love my mother to death, but she is very old school in her thinking and actions. I blame the generation and culture that she grew up in Mexico with my abuelos. My mother didn’t come to America until she was in her twenties, and only because she wanted to try to give me and my brother a better life. She believes that a woman’s main job should be to take care of her husband, the house, and raise the kids. So far I’m striking out on all three and I know that I’m a disappointment in her eyes. I mean I had a child and the father is nowhere to be seen, we weren’t married and he wasn’t even Catholic! Oh, the horrors. The real horror would have been staying with that asshole.
Pushing all that aside, I give her my best smile as I greet her. “Good morning Mama.” I lean forward and give her a kiss on the cheek. Her hands are full, one holding a plate of pancakes and the other strips of bacon. “Where’s papa?”
“Ay, dios mio mija. You will not believe it.” Mama rolls her eyes to emphasize her point. She does this a lot when she talks about papa and especially if he is doing something she thinks is silly. “He’s out in the backyard pre-planning his spring garden. I told him, we just had snow last week. Why plan now?”
I held in my laugh because I knew it would only encourage her to continue. This was a typical morning and I wasn’t about to rock the boat between them or get caught in the middle. I snuck a piece of bacon off the plate and got busy making Lucia’s lunch to take to school. I knew I shouldn’t have turned my back on her and got too comfortable because that’s when my mom would strike.
“You got home late last night. I didn’t see your car in the driveway this morning.”
I knew it physically pained her to not know where my car was and all of the nitty-gritty details. I love my mama, always have and always will, but after I had Lucia our relationship changed. I get that it had a lot to do with how young I was and the circumstances surrounding her birth father but I felt a lot of judgment and still feel it. I try to do my best but at the end of the day I stopped sharing a lot of my life with her and papa because I didn’t want to be critiqued at every turn. I would share things with my brother but then he would just turn around and run his mouth to them. So I did what I had to do and I cut that source out too. In our conversations I keep it to the bare minimum, usually only sharing things going on with Lucia.
I take a deep breath and count to three before I respond. “Yes, mama. Class got out late and then on the way home my car broke down again. I had to have it towed to the garage.”
“That biker garage?”
The way she said that biker garage instantly got my blood warmed up. Since the night that my papa caught Ink dropping me off and kissing me, I hadn’t heard the end of it. It was like I was seventeen and still getting told who I could and couldn’t hang out with. I was getting tired of that but with Lucia, my options were limited on what I could do. I needed help during the days she wasn’t in school, and between work and school, I couldn’t do it all alone. It wasn’t fair to ask Rayleighn or anyone else to care for my child so I did the best I could for the time being. When I finished school and could get a better job with a set schedule it would be more manageable and I could finally look at moving out.
“If you mean Vemon Bite, Rider’s auto garage then, yes.”
My mother made a dramatic show of crossing herself and praying to the ceiling. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes while I zipped up Lucia’s unicorn lunch bag and shoved it back into the fridge. “Mama, they towed my car for free and they’ve been so kind to me. Rider has done all the work basically for free and gives me major discounts on the parts. There is no reason to act like that. It wouldn’t hurt you to show a little kindness towards them if you see them around town.”
It was probably the most stern I had been with her since I moved in two years ago to save money. I hated her thinking badly of Rider and Ink and anyone associated with the MC. Before she can respond, I check my watch and dart out of the room. I need to get moving and get my day going. I need to get Lucia to school and then I needed to get to the hair salon to start my workday. I have a day full of clients stacked on top of each other and I can’t afford to be late.
I check on Lucia one last time and then jump in the shower. By the time I get out Lucia is sitting up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
My feet are tired, and my stomach is growling in hunger. I have half an hour to grab something to eat and check on my car. True to his word, Ink had texted me at a reasonable hour and gave me the status of my car. His text was vague compared to the ones that Rider would send me when he was working on my car but I’ll figure it all out once I see him. I book the cheapest rideshare I can find over to the garage and when I get there, Rider, Grizz, and Ink are all standing outside the open garage doors. Grizz and Ink were both standing there smoking while Rider seemed to be deep in conversation with the two.
I was hoping all three of them wouldn’t be here at the only time I could stop by today but again, it doesn’t matter because I need my car and these three are the only ones who can help me get it back to roadworthy condition. As I step out from the backseat of the Prius I was riding in, all three heads turn my way. Inwardly I cringe because deep down, I hate the attention. Growing up, I was an early bloomer and had to get used to the stares and whispers about me as I walked around, and while I had become accustomed to it, it doesn’t mean that I enjoy it. Ok, fine sometimes I enjoy the attention. What person wouldn’t?
As I approach the trio, I call out. “If it isn’t my favorite three amigos.”
Rider is the first to acknowledge me, giving me a warm smile. “Hi, Carmen. Sorry to have to see you again like this. Ink filled me in about last night.” He is always being kind to me. Probably due to the fact that I am his soon-to-be wife’s best friend, but he has always shown me kindness and for that I always return the favor. I give him a smile in return and pat his shoulder.
My eyes cut towards Ink because while I now know he had told Rider about the escapades with my car, I wonder if he shared the more personal parts of last night. His face doesn’t give anything away, and he doesn’t look like he has anything to add to the conversation. “Yeah, I like hanging out with you and Rayleighn but I’d rather not have to move our relationship to this garage.”
Rider snorts out a laugh and begins walking away. “Let me know if Ink doesn’t take care of you. I’ll be around to show him real mechanic work.”
That gets a rise out of Ink with him shouting a hey now to Rider’s retreating backside.
Grizz flicks his cigarette out onto the sidewalk and gives me a head nod as he walks away. Grizz was one hard guy to get to know. I have been around him numerous times over the last few months and he is always the silent and brooding type. I heard from Rayleighn that he was the club’s enforcer, but since I didn’t know everything about what his MC job entailed, I took it simply as he policed the club. I’ve been in the Mystic Venom Clubhouse enough to know that he had several mug shots hanging on one of the club’s walls. I like Grizz, but I definitely wouldn’t want to be on his wrong side, that’s for sure.
Once Grizz and Rider are out of earshot, I wait for Ink to finish. I keep my distance because yuck, secondhand smoke, and honestly, I don't know what to say. After last night, he has me confused. He said all the right things last night, and I could believe him—part of me does—but that doesn’t explain why he did what he did. We had seen each other several times. We had been texting each other a lot and then Christmas day hit and boom—ghosted.