Page 20 of Walker

“Can you just… I need to trust you and that starts with us being honest with each other. What if tomorrow, someone else comes up to me at school and tells me that we have the same dad or that he robbed their house or sold their dead uncle drugs or something?” My eyes widened at that.

“Where did all that come from?”

“My imagination, because that is what is going through my mind. It would be better if you just told me. Josh is too young to understand. Whatever you say won’t take away from the good memories I have of my dad. He was still the guy who tied my shoes, kissed my bruises, and picked me up on the first day of school because he couldn’t be there to drop me off. I know he loved me, and I loved him. That will never change.”

“When did you grow to be so wise?”

“I don’t think I am. It’s just facts.”

“Right. Well, then I will tell you all you need to know to set your mind at ease. Your father gambled at the casino. Supposedly, he lost more than he won. What you heard us fighting about were the times he lost so much that we didn’t have enough money to cover our expenses.”

“Maybe he won and gave it all to someone else,” she voiced the same thought I’d had just moments ago.

“It’s possible, but we’ll never know that for sure.”

“We could ask Dina’s mom.”

I chuckled then. “There’s one place you can never expect to receive the truth and that is from the mistress of a dead man.” I cringed, knowing I should have never said that out loud.

“Harsh, but probably true. Dina is a liar anyway, so I bet her mom is too.”

“I went to school with Dina’s mom, can confirm,” I stated with a blank face. Ariel laughed at me.

“Do you think we’ll be okay?” She finally asked.

“We’re already okay, sweetheart. Trust goes both ways, though. If anything else major like this lands at your feet again, you have to be able to bring it to me.”

“How did you know, anyway?”

“I heard some rumors recently and it was mentioned that Terry had a daughter your age. I didn’t want you to be blindsided by it.” I hated lying to her after talking about trust, but I promised that I wouldn’t out Griff for doing the right thing.

Ariel stared at me for a minute and then cocked her head to the side as she assessed me. “Griff told your biker man, and he told you, huh?”

“W-what?” I stammered.

“Yeah, that’s what happened.” She huffed and then plucked at some lint on her yoga pants. “I’m not mad at him. It feels better not to carry that secret around. You didn’t want to blindside me, but that’s exactly what I did to you by not coming to you about it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been so bitchy. I thought maybe you knew, and I hated you a little bit for staying with him.”

“Whether I stayed with your dad or left him, whether it was because of the gambling or another woman, none of those things are something you have a right to judge because you don’t have the whole picture. When two people are in a relationship, everyone around them sees maybe a tenth of what really goes on. Even when you’re the person in the relationship, there are things you won’t see, sometimes until it’s too late. You don’t have to respect someone’s decisions to give them the grace they need to make it and respect that it is their decision to make.”

“Yeah, I guess I get that.” She moved closer and wrapped her arms around me as we sat there on the couch together. “I’m sorry that he was such a butthole before he died.”

“Me too, baby. It’s not how I wanted to remember your father and it certainly isn’t how I wanted you to remember him.”

“I’m going to remember the good guy who was always there as my dad and pretend the one making all thosemistakes was someone else.” She threw a little emphasis on the word mistakes.

“I’m not sure that is a healthy approach, but I don’t have better advice, so as your mom – a person who also makes her fair share of mistakes – I will say that if you ever need to talk about either side of your dad’s personality, it is okay to do it. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

“I do know that. My feelings were just all jumbled up and I didn’t know what to do after Dina told me about her little brother.”

We sat quietly, snuggled into one another, each processing things in our own way. Before long, I yawned and stretched in defeat. “I need a nap before Josh comes back home.”

“Go on up to bed. I love you, Mom.”

“Love you too, my precious daughter.”

Ariel smiled at me as I moved to go upstairs. “Hey, Mom?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

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