Page 81 of His Bittersweet Regret

“I tried to do things the right way, Opal. I left you so there would never be any cheating between us. It didn’t stop me from feeling like I was doing exactly that, because you were still the woman who owned my heart.”

“And Monica was because you thought I had moved on quickly with someone else and was having a baby with another man?” She reiterated the reason I’d told her that I went there with the other woman.

“Yes,” I offered in a quiet response. “Monica was me trying to forget that I loved you, since I thought you had already replaced me in a way we’d never come back from.” I shook my head. “There wasn’t anything sweet or nice about that encounter, Opal. I need you to understand that. It wasn’t even Monica on my mind at the time. My frustration, anger, and hurt all bled into that encounter and I guarantee you, it wasn’t a good time for Monica. It definitely wasn’t for me either. In fact, it was one of the worst, and mot regretful experiences of my life.”

A shiver ran through Opal’s body and I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her until the cold, hard truth of our separation seeped away and was replaced with the heat of what we once had, or maybe something new. I couldn’t touch her after just talking about being with another woman. Something about that felt like the wrong thing to do.

“I miss you,” she finally said. “I miss what we once had as a couple, Marsh, even the boring times. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t dream of us being a real family often.” The tone in her voice made me stifle the excitement I felt over her admission. The ‘but’ that was coming on the trail end would be what I had to contend with.

“But?” I finally asked when she said no more.

Her eyes came up to meet mine, and the glossy sheen in them hurt to see. It killed me that my decisions had wrecked her the way they had. I deserved every bit of hurt that she heaped on me because all of this had been my doing, but she never deserved even a second of it.

“I’m scared. I know you didn’t betray me by cheating, but you betrayed me by leaving the way you did. I don’t know if I could ever trust being with that version of you again.” We both sat silently for a few more moments before she offered me a sliver of hope.

“I also know that we had seven good years together, some great years, and that our son deserves to see that too. We deserve to still have that. I just can’t jump back in, full-steam ahead. That trust has to be rebuilt.”

“I understand that, and I’m willing to do whatever you need me to.”

“I need to go slow, so that we don’t end up screwing everything up for our son.” She huffed out a breath of frustration, or maybe anxiety, before adding to her thought. “And because my heart can’t handle losing you again.”

31

Opal

It had been one week, since Marsh and I had our heart-to-heart about the state of our relationship. We both agreed to go on a date, but only once we found a suitable nanny for our son. I still wouldn’t allow Kathy to babysit Austin. She had spent time with him, while Marsh was present, but that had been the extent I was willing to allow her into our son’s life, and thankfully, Marsh agreed with me.

“I think I should meet this nanny.” Beth stated, once again, as I was getting ready for my date with Marsh.

“Beth, we ran background checks, and she came highly recommended.”

“Well, she’s staying at Marsh’s place, and you’re not. What if he decides to bang the nanny? It’s a cliché because it happens so often.”

I giggled at the thought of Marsh banging the sixty-two-year-old grandmother. “She’s old,” I admitted.

“How old? Like, sexy late thirties puma, early forties cougar territory or shit… What do they call the older ones?”

“I wasn’t even aware there were different terms for different ages. Aren’t all older women with younger men called cougars?”

“Nah girl. There’s a system. Jaguar is the other one. Is she a jaguar?”

“Is a jaguar a woman in her fifties?” I asked, laughing at Beth’s ridiculousness. She nodded. “Then no, Mrs. Gliden is in her sixties. She does look good for her age, though. I thought for sure she couldn’t be a day over fifty.”

“Hmm,” Beth hummed in thought, much to my amusement. “Do you have a picture?” I showed her a picture of the woman that had come with her background check. “Oh! I see. She does look like someone’s granny.”

“That’s because she is.”

“How does Kathy feel about this other woman watching her grandson when she’s not allowed to?”

“Marsh said she threw quite the fit about it when she found out the other day.”

“And? Girl, stop leaving me in suspense.”

“And, Marsh told her that the outburst she just had was proof enough that she wasn’t ready to take on the responsibility of babysitting his son.”

“Damn, I bet that didn’t go over well with Kathy.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m pretty sure she ended up going to talk to her sponsor or counselor or something.”

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