Page 77 of His Bittersweet Regret

“She’s doing much better,” he insisted, but I could tell that he had his own reservations. “I understand you feeling the way you do. I’d like to help find a suitable arrangement for Austin. Maybe, we can look into getting a nanny instead?”

I laughed. “A nanny? Really? Who is going to pay for a dedicated nanny and where is she going to stay? Under my sofa?”

“The nanny can keep an eye on him at my house, since there’s more room. When you get off work, you can pick him up there. It won’t be much different than dropping him off at a daycare, except we’ll be able to control things better this way. I can even install some security cameras in the house so you can check in on him throughout the day.”

“Again, who is paying for this, because unless you got a hell of a raise at work, you don’t have that kind of money either, especially not with a house payment.”

“I don’t have a house payment, Opal.”

“What? How is that possible?”

“Inheritance from my grandparents. I have to swear you to secrecy about that because Ryker isn’t allowed to know that he has money coming to him when he reaches the designated age.”

“Oh. No problem. That’s not my business to tell your brother.” I moved to grab the diaper bag, but Marsh beat me to it. “If you don’t have a house payment, then I guess you can afford the nanny, but I want to interview them with you.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I nodded my head. “We really do need to get going.”

“You have everything?” He asked. When I offered my agreement, he picked up the infant carrier our son was already strapped into with one hand while placing his other behind my lower back to escort me out of the apartment. It was a gesture that was such a normal thing in our relationship through the years that my heart clenched tightly in my chest at the feel of the innocent touch.

He must have felt me stiffen in reaction because he retracted his hand and turned me so that we were facing one another. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t. I just remembered how you used to always guide me with your hand on my back when we were together. It was something so normal back then that I took it for granted.” I shook the sentiment off. “It was just a bit of a shock after not having someone do that in so long.”

“We better go,” he choked out, and the emotion in that sound made me regret flinching at his touch and the memories it brought back. I nodded and made my way out to his truck wishing that I could feel his hand on me once more. There was no denying that I missed his touch, the way we used to talk, our friendship, and so much more. It was hard not to miss it.

On the one hand, I got to witness him being the father I always knew he would be. On the other, the rest of the picture I’d always held in my heart was missing. The picture of us together while being the best parents we could be was just an illusion, or at the very least, a dream. For that brief moment, it almost felt real.

We were both quiet all the way to the doctor’s office. Once we were in the parking lot, and Marsh turned the car off, he turned to me with a solemn look on his face. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Sometimes, I forget that I don’t have the right to do things like that anymore.”

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable. It was simply a shock to my system, considering I’m no longer used to it. You didn’t do anything wrong, Marsh. I promise.”

“Okay,” he said before getting out of the truck and going to the back to grab Austin.

~*~

Our little boy was not too happy with us when we left the appointment. He had been due for another immunization, and was cranky, not that I could blame him.

“What do you say we grab some food and head to the house to eat and talk?” Marsh suggested above the wailing our son was doing in the back of the truck.

“That sounds fine, though you might want to think about ordering something from delivery once we get there, because I don’t think anyone in a drive thru will hear you over that racket,” I pointed out. Austin had a set of lungs on him that would impress anyone.

Marsh chuckled. “Fair enough.”

Once we were settled at his house, I stood while rocking Austin until he finally wore himself out enough to fall asleep in my arms. It was still odd that Marsh had pictures of us up all over his house. I had none of him displayed anywhere in my apartment. There were only pictures of Austin, Beth, and me. I didn’t even have any of my parents, but that was for an entirely different reason.

All the pictures of my previous life with Marsh were in electronic format and I refused to print any out because it felt disingenuous to me, since we were no longer together.

“Food should be here in about fifteen minutes. Do you want to go lay him down in the crib?”

“Sure,” I offered as I moved toward the nursery Marsh had set up in his house. It made me a little jealous because it was the nursery I would have given my son, if I had been able to afford a place with the space and all the things I really wanted to furnish it with. I laid my son down in his crib and turned to find Marsh right there behind me. His hands flew to my hips to catch me when his proximity threw me off balance.

“Sorry, I was looking down over your shoulder to make sure he was okay. I hated seeing him in pain today. Truthfully, that nurse was in danger the moment he started screaming like that,” he admitted.

“I have to agree.”

“I saw your fists clenched.” Marsh teased as he grinned at me before taking a slow step back without releasing his grip on my hips.

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