Page 76 of His Bittersweet Regret

“Everyone comes with baggage,” he said.

“You mentioned that earlier. It’s also my choice to accept it or move on because I don’t think it’s something I have time to handle.” I groaned. “I appreciate the fact that you came here tonight, to try to work things out and explain, but I’m tired Joe, and I’m done. We tried a date; it didn’t work out.”

Joe stood there for another minute before his shoulders slumped and he walked away. I turned to Ryker then. “You didn’t have to punch him in the nose.”

“Yeah, I did. You don’t deserve to be talked to that way. He’s lucky he only got one.”

“Come on, Hulk-boy, let’s go get your knuckles tended to.”

“They’re fine,” he argued.

“You need ice or they’ll swell.”

“Fine, Mom!” He teased.

“The weird thing is, I am a mom now. That’s still tough to get used to some days.”

Ryker laughed and pulled out his phone, no doubt texting his brothers about what happened, as I got some ice into a freezer bag for him.

Despite Joe thinking I brushed his comment about baggage off, it was on my mind since I left the restaurant. Everyone I would meet, from here on out, would have baggage. There would be exes, maybe kids, damage from being cheated on or being the cheater. The crazy thing was, I wouldn’t know what I was getting into, no matter who I attempted to date in the future. It wasn’t like meeting the love of your life and starting to date your sophomore year of high school.

Neither of us had come into our childhood relationship with anything else. We had been blank slates and that would never happen again. I wondered if maybe I would always be too picky, or if something else was holding me back. Something, like the fact that I never got over my first love. Sure, I was angry with him. There were things I still hadn’t forgiven, and others that I’d never be able to forget. It meant that Marsh and I now had baggage between us, that we’d have to maneuver around.

That was something I’d been thinking over for the rest of the week. Was the proverbial devil I knew better than whatever else was out there? Had I been spoiled by Marsh for the seven years of our relationship prior to him leaving me? We never really had any major arguments and never split up before. I had so many questions, but the main one was ‘why?’.

Why had he left? Why had he done it the way he did? Why didn’t he come back sooner, if what he said about not being interested in any of his dates was true? Why would he make out with Gabby, if he didn’t really want to? Why would he sleep with Monica?

I knew some of those answers, but others were just a vague understanding of why he did things the way he did. There wasn’t any real clarity to them.

Sure, his parents had issues, his brothers were pressuring him and treating me badly, his best friend was an absolutely unforgivable dick, who Marsh unfortunately listened to back then. I knew all those things. What I didn’t know was how all that equated to the way Marsh left. Some might think that wasn’t important to know, but it was the one thing holding me back from forgiving him. I knew better than anyone that if you couldn’t forgive, it was hard as hell to move on.

My thoughts shifted, as I glanced at the clock. I hadn’t heard from Joe since our date night. I wasn’t surprised by that, but it was rather disappointing that I would no longer have a reliable mode of transportation, especially one who didn’t get impatient when I had to put a car seat in the vehicle. That was unfortunate, since my son needed to get to his doctor’s appointment, and I couldn’t get a ride to take him there. Finally, I had to relent and call Marsh.

“Hey, what’s up? Everything okay?” He asked, immediately upon answering.

“I hate to bother you, but Beth has been bogged down with work during normal house, and I haven’t had a chance to go look at cars.”

“I can take you to pick something out,” he offered.

“No, thanks. That’s not what this is about. I need a ride, and the taxi drivers get testy with me when I have to put a car seat in their cabs. Austin’s checkup appointment is in an hour.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why were you looking for a ride? Dammit, Opal, that’s something I would prefer to go to anyway. I’m not some absent father who doesn’t care about his son’s well-being.”

The deep sigh I exhaled said everything I couldn’t while biting my tongue.

“Sorry, I get it. You’ve been used to going it alone and it’s hard to change direction. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, and I already have a car seat installed, so taking the time to do that won’t be an issue.”

“Thank you.” I hung up immediately because crying on the phone wasn’t something I wanted to do.

True to his word, fifteen minutes passed before there was a knock on the door. I answered and let Marsh see himself in while I continued to get Austin ready. “Sorry for the late notice,” I called out.

“After his appointment, I think we need to sit down and have a conversation about what we’re doing in the future. I don’t want to continue being left out of things. You might still be angry with me, but I have…”

“I’m not angry with you,” I told him as I carried our son from the nursery to the living room. “That’s not what this was about. Life is hectic right now. I have to go back to work, and I’ve been trying to find a daycare to take Austin to where I feel comfortable with the staff, and the appointment honestly slipped my mind until I got the reminder.”

“What’s going on with the daycare thing? You know that my mom,” he started to say and I cut him off before he could even suggest what he was about to.

“Look, Marsh, two years ago, if we’d had a baby I would have been the one to suggest your mom take care of our child while we worked, if that’s what she agreed to do. The fact is, she is not the same woman today that she was two years ago. She’s only just recently returned home from a stint in rehab, and no offense to your mother, but I think she needs time to prove that things will stick. The last time I saw her, she was completely erratic and out of line with me. There is no way I would entrust my child to her.”

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