Page 61 of His Bittersweet Regret

I felt like a failure of a mother because my milk never came in like it was supposed to. There were issues that made it impossible for me to feed my son properly, so he always required extra nourishment from a bottle. Eventually, I gave up trying. The one time I managed to get my mom on the phone, she told me she had the same problems with me. That might have been good to know sooner. My parents made their excuses for not coming out to visit.

“Maybe once he’s a bit older and can appreciate our visit more,” my mother said during our call. It made me wonder if I wanted them to meet my son at all. The fact that they could abandon me here and then not even care to come see their first, and probably only, grandchild made me angry. It also made me incredibly sad. My own family couldn’t love me or my son, how could I expect anyone else to? Yeah, the baby blues were a thing, especially with the whole breastfeeding situation, the Kathy situation, and then there was Marsh in the middle of it all.

I hadn’t forbidden Kathy from coming to see her grandson, nor had I done so with the twins, but I think they were all giving me a bit of space after Kathy’s disturbing display in the hospital. She had sent flowers and a gift basket with an apology. Honestly, I didn’t even blame her. The twins were her children, and I know she was feeling the strain of her family being at each other’s throats. Marsh explained that his mom hoped the baby would bring everyone back together.

Kathy was delusional. She had stuck her head in the sand for years about the way the twins treated me. The way she ignored the problem then was coming home to roost for her now. That wasn’t my problem, and I was done trying to bend over backward to make everyone else around me comfortable.

It was one of the rare days when both Marsh and Beth were out, at work or doing whatever, that there was a knock on the door. Sadly, I had just managed to get Austin down for a nap and sat my butt on the couch to fold the laundry Bethany had been kind enough to do for me the day before, so I wouldn’t have to take Austin with me to the laundromat.

With a heave and a sigh, I hefted my butt up off the couch and went to answer the door. The twins were standing there with gift bags in hand.

“Marsh isn’t here,” I informed them.

“We know,” Brixton said as he continued to stare at his feet.

“We came to see you,” Bastion added.

“I don’t see why,” I countered, which caused both boys to look at me, for the first time since I opened the door. Oddly enough, I didn’t see what I thought I would. Brix looked stricken by the sight of me, as if I was lying on my deathbed or something. I realized then that I’d been crying for hours over the conversation with my parents and the fact that I was a loser who couldn’t breastfeed her baby, even though I really wanted to.

Bastion had tears in his eyes as he pleaded with me, with only that look, to hear them out. I didn’t have any fight in me, so I opened the door wider to let them in.

“Make yourself at home,” I said while extending my hand in reluctant invitation. There really wasn’t anywhere for them to sit though. I had laundry on every spot of the couch, except where I’d been seated moments ago. The two chairs tucked up close to my little kitchen table were overflowing with diapers and stuff for the baby that I had nowhere to store in our little space.

Both men looked around, horror-stricken at what they were seeing. It nearly made me kick them out, because what I didn’t need was more judgment, especially from the two of them.

“Why are you living like this?” Brixton asked. “You’re a teacher. You make decent money.”

I laughed at him. “I make shit money since I took a twelve-month payout so that I could take the summer off, knowing that I would have the baby in June. Insurance only covered so much of my medical expenses, and I had a ton of stuff to buy for the new human being I gave birth to.”

The twins exchanged a strange look. “But Marsh has money.”

“And I’m sure Marsh spends his money how he wants to. In case you missed the memo, we are no longer together,” I snapped at them.

“Yeah, but the baby is his kid. He should have been paying the medical stuff,” Brix argued. I tapped my foot on the floor, growing more impatient with him and his brother.

“Someone failed to tell him that I sent a text letting him know I was pregnant. Someone thought it was funny to send me a text back acknowledging that it was received and letting me know he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby.”

Brixton hung his head lower on his shoulders, if that was possible. Then, when he looked back up at me, he had tears running down his face. “You’ll never know how sorry I am for that. I honestly thought it was just a last-ditch effort on your part to keep him in your life when he finally left.”

“Why are you here?” I asked after completely losing my patience.

“We came bearing gifts and apologies,” Bastion answered. He held out his bag to me. When I didn’t take it, he set it down on the only free space available on my tiny kitchen counter.

Brixton offered his bag too, which I also didn’t take. He set his down on the floor and then glanced around the apartment once more before he shocked me with what he had to say next.

“Mom said you won’t take Marsh up on the house he bought for you because it comes with strings and expectations from our brother.” I didn’t dignify him with an answer, not that he asked a question, but he had the gist down, so I didn’t see a point.

“We have a different sort of deal for you,” Bastion added.

Brixton took out a stack of papers and handed them to me. “These are the papers for our condo. We decided to sign it over to you. It’s yours. Free and clear. It will be in your name only. You owe nothing.”

I glanced down at the papers he still held out, as if they might bite me. “What exactly are you saying?”

“We are giving you our condo. It’s been cleaned out and we’ll help get your things moved over, or get you better things that will fit there.”

“Why?” I asked, not understanding their offer.

“It’s our fault,” Bastion told me. “This whole mess, the fact that our family is falling apart and barely speaking to one another. You – living here in the worst apartment I’ve ever seen – it is our fault.”

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