Page 6 of His Bittersweet Regret

Gary turned away from me then, and went back into his own apartment. He owned the whole building, but kept the entire first floor to himself, besides the entryway that led to the stairs that went up to the second and third-floor apartments.

My head hung low on my shoulders as I climbed the steps up to the apartment I’d shared with Opal for the past year and a half. When I opened the door, it was like walking into a stranger’s house. There was nothing left of me inside. I moved to the couch, the one that faced the front door, and waited for Opal to come home. She had a doctor appointment after work today. I figured she was just going in for a regular checkup, but felt like a bit of dick because I hadn’t even asked her what she was going there for.

It didn’t matter anyway. I guess, from now on, it wouldn’t be my business to know. My stomach lurched again, queasiness rolled through me, burning my insides with the acid that rumbled around in there. My brother’s voices taunted my mind, reminding me, I was doing the right thing. Opal and I had to know, once and for all, that we were meant to be. There was no other way to know that without giving ourselves time apart to discover it.

Gary’s question came to mind then. What if Opal found someone else? I shook that idea off immediately. She would hate this idea. She would never agree to a break like this. There was a time, before college, when she might have. That time had long passed. It was why I’d cleared the house of all my belongings before she could get home. She was going to need a clean break, but I didn’t worry about her going out with other men. She would still be there when the six months were up. I knew it.

Forty-five grueling minutes later, keys jingled outside the door, indicating that Opal was finally home. When she came walking through the door, it was with a giant smile on her beautiful face. She radiated beauty in a way she hadn’t in a while. She had always been gorgeous to me, but there was something extra about her as I took in that smile and everything else about her. Opal’s hair seemed shinier and her skin was glowing with a fresh radiance that made her smile feel brighter. Maybe she had gone to a beauty salon while she was out? That was probably it.

I noticed the gift bag in her hand, and winced, worried that she might have picked up a surprise for me on the day I was about to leave her.

“Oh, good! You’re here. I have a surprise for you!” She all but squealed in her giddy excitement.

“Opal, you need to come sit down and…” I saw it then. When it dawned on her that the apartment was not as she’d left it this morning.

“W-what’s going on?” Her voice trembled as she asked the question.

“Please, come sit down for a minute.” I indicated the chair, instead of the empty space beside me on the couch. There was no way I could handle her being near enough to touch.

She did as I asked, but the glowing color on her skin that I’d just been admiring seemed to dim under the trepidation in her voice as she asked again, “What’s going on, Marsh? Where’s…” she glanced around, trying to take inventory of what was missing.

“Opal, I’m leaving. I moved my stuff out already,” I blurted. “I thought it would be better this way. I just saw Gary and paid the rent for the next six months, so you don’t have to worry about the rest of the lease.”

“You what?” She asked as a tear ran down her cheek. I tried to ignore it, even though everything in me wanted to pull the woman into my arms and hold her, comfort her, until…

Until what?

I didn’t fucking know anymore. I was leaving her. There wouldn’t be anyone to comfort her once I left. I felt like a complete tool for the first time that day as I realized the impact this little talk was about to have.

“I’m leaving. I think we need some time apart to just be single, to explore life a little outside of our relationship.”

A sob broke free from her, parting her lips with the anguished sound that nearly broke me as I sat there watching.

“Why, Marsh?”

“Neither of us has ever been with anyone else. Don’t you think that’s weird?” I asked.

“No. I always thought we were lucky,” she insisted. “We found each other and never had to deal with the baggage and rotten exes the way all of our friends and family have.”

I swallowed thickly again when the emotion clogged my throat. She had a point, and a fucking good one. Gary said something very similar to me earlier that day, but it hadn’t clicked fully during that earlier conversation. Still, my brothers were right. It was weird, and this separation had to happen. If for no other reason, my brothers would never truly accept Opal as a member of the family if they thought she was the one thing holding me back from experiencing all life had to offer.

“I love you, Opal. You’ll see that this is the right thing to do, and in six months, if we decide we’re still right for each other, we’ll know beyond a doubt.” I stood then, because if I stayed much longer, she might convince me to change my mind.

I got almost to the door when her voice made me turn back to see her standing there holding the gift bag limply in her fingers. “I had a surprise for you,” she all but whispered. The words were like a symphony of misery, difficult to make out around the tears she shed.

“You should just keep it. I don’t deserve any surprise you might have for me.” Then I left our apartment – her apartment now - and didn’t look back. I couldn’t. It was all too much and I hated my brothers, my best friend, and most of all myself as I walked to my truck while Gary sat on the front stoop, watching in judgment, and shaking his head at me as I went.

5

Opal

“Did that just happen?” I asked the empty apartment. Then I glanced around, and it truly was devoid of anything that made it ‘ours’. Now, the space felt cold and unloved, or maybe that was just me and my pitiful little heart. Here, I had been waiting for him to get me the perfect ring, and instead he had been busy planning his getaway.

The gift bag in my hand suddenly felt like it weighed far more than its contents. Inside, had been a sonogram picture of our little blob, the pregnancy test (in the Ziplock bag still), and a love letter from me, telling him how he was going to become an amazing father, and I couldn’t wait to see how he cherished my growing belly, and eventually our little one, because I just knew that each of those moments would make me fall in love with him all over again.

Those moments would no longer come to fruition. He wanted six months on his own to see if he could find something better than me. The sniffles that followed those thoughts were outrageous, as were the tears. My heart ached with a physical pain I didn’t know was possible.

I didn’t know what to do. The bag hung onto my fingers for a moment longer, before it slipped off and landed with a small thud on the hardwood floor in front of the chair.

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