Page 47 of His Bittersweet Regret

She laughed again in that odd, non-humorous way. “If you were so concerned, you could have helped me get a car, paid my medical bills so I could get one myself, or anything other than trying to buy me off with a house that I have to share with you.”

“I don’t have to stay here, if that’s what you want. It can be just yours. I think, for now, considering what the doctor said, it would be wise if I stayed. But once the baby is here, if you want me gone, I’ll leave.”

“That’s convenient,” she mumbled.

“Make no mistake, Opal, I don’t want to leave, but I won’t force myself on you either. We’re having a baby. You can’t be left alone right now, and the first few weeks to months after he’s born, are going to be a major adjustment. There’s three bedrooms. We don’t have to share.”

“Well, that’s certainly good news.” She turned and went in search of the bathroom. Every time she came upon another picture of us hanging on the wall, I could hear her grumbling about stolen memories.

My mom thought she was doing something good when she hung them, I was sure, but damn if it didn’t backfire in the worst way. It was also a kick to the teeth. I hadn’t meant to leave Opal with no memories of us. I’d never knowingly do that to her, but as I was packing that day, I would find another picture, ticket stub, or whatever else and then drop them in my boxes with everything else. I understood how angry she must be with me, since I wasn’t able to leave without those things.

By the time she made it back to the living room, I was fuming mad at myself. There was no denying I had been a fool for ever leaving Opal, but to leave her with no reminders of our happier times, was pure idiocy on my part.

19

Opal

Everything looked so inviting when I walked in. Honestly, it was the picture of what I wanted to do with the house we were saving for. Marsh must have remembered, or maybe he had all the things saved on his laptop from where we used to window shop online. Planning our dreams of not only homeownership, but making it truly our home, had been some of the most amazing memories with him over the past few years.

We were planning a future together and that always left me feeling exhilarated. Having it all ripped away from me in the course of one day simply left me weary. If he thought I would move into this house, under any circumstances, he was crazy. Why would I do that to myself again? My body sagged with the prospect of having to deal with any of it.

When I couldn’t stall any longer, after actually taking care of business, I finally made my way out to the living room to the most unexpected sight ever. Marsh sat slumped into himself on the couch, face buried in his hands, and shoulders shaking as he cried. He wasn’t just crying, it was full-on sobbing, the likes of which I had never seen him do. For a minute, my heart broke for him. Then, I remembered he had been the one to put me in the same position, only I was left crying for many days and nights, for months on end.

“Can you take me home now?”

He quickly swiped away the tears on his face with his arm before looking up at me. “I told you, Opal, this is your home. I bought it for you.”

“Once again, you didn’t give me any say in that before you went and made a decision that might affect me. You keep planning for my future, all on your own, without including me. So, my answer is no. I do not want to live with you again. I do not want to live anywhere that has your name attached to it either, whether you’re here or banned from the place.”

“Why not? You have to admit it is convenient as hell to work and by far a better neighborhood than the one you’re living in.”

“And again, it has your name attached to it.”

“Opal,” he started in a placating tone.

“No. Not happening.”

“Give me one good reason.”

“I’ve already been tossed aside like yesterday’s garbage once, and left to pick up the pieces; I won’t do that again. Dammit, Marsh, I have to worry about what else you’ll decide is best for me without even asking. Maybe I shouldn’t work because I have a son to raise, but then you decide that some shiny new woman at a party made you feel good, so you’ll throw me out to make room for her and spare me the hurt of you cheating? Never mind that I have no income, because that doesn’t affect you directly. What will it be next? What decision for MY LIFE will you dictate while I have no say?”

He sat there, taking in every word of my angry tirade before finally he huffed out a deep breath and stood up.

“Come on then, I’ll take you back to your apartment.” His agreement made it sound as though someone had died. I supposed for him, it was almost the same. He just lost all hope that our relationship could be salvaged. He was right in thinking that, because it couldn’t be saved the way he kept trying to do it.

When I opened the front door to leave, Marsh stopped me in my tracks. “Do you want some of the pictures?”

I shook my head. “I’ve gotten by for seven months without those memories. I’m good now.”

It might have been cruel, but no worse than the way he’d treated me. I didn’t wait around for any other offer that might come from him to hold us there longer. Instead, I made my way out to the truck and stood there by the passenger side waiting for him to come help me back in. The whole time, I debated calling Joe to come get me instead. Though, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to use Joe’s services, knowing how he felt. He might think I’d be ready to get back out there in the dating world once I was no longer pregnant, but I didn’t think that would be the case.

I couldn’t unbreak my own heart, and that was what it would take for me to change my mind about men and their place in my life. The only man who would get the benefit of the doubt from me would be my son, and I still had eighteen years of raising the boy until he got there. Did that make me a bitter woman? Probably. Knowing it didn’t change my outlook though.

~*~

Bethany was there, waiting for me to get back, when I returned home.

“I’ve been so worried about you!” She damn near shouted as I opened the door. Marsh hadn’t come up with me, because I forbade him to.

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