Page 50 of The Broken Beginning: Part One

He turned his back to me then, shoulders lifting and chest heaving with the effort to contain his anger. I didn’t know if it was still directed at me or where it belonged, at himself. Maybe, he hadn’t even realized how many lines he had crossed in our marriage, how often he disrespected me, our marriage, and even our son.

“I had to take Declan out of the IHOP last month because you showed up looking wrecked with some whore who couldn’t be bothered to put actual clothes on before leaving your fuck-fest. We couldn’t even finish our pancake breakfast because I didn’t want my son to see you with your whore like that. Not that you cared about being seen out in public with another woman looking freshly fucked. And you want to come in here and try to lecture me about how I can’t go out on a simple lunch date with a man because we’re technically still married?” I huffed my discontent into the room. “You have a lot of fucking nerve.”

“Things have to change,” he told me without turning around.

“And they will, as soon as those five years are up. I do believe that I have one year and three months to go. Lucky for me, we’re getting closer by the day.”

His shoulders stiffened then, but instead of arguing further, he left the loft and a few minutes later, it was clear by the noise of a slamming door that he left the house too.

About twenty minutes later, when I couldn’t focus on the story I wanted to tell anymore, I called Stacey and told her all about my little argument with Merc. Her immediate response was laughter.

“Girl! What did I tell you all those years ago? That’s how you should have handled his ass back when everything first started, and he was still fucking around with Miss Gangbang Porno Queen.”

It was my turn to laugh. “I still can’t believe she came back to town last month and tried to pretend like she was a big movie star, like every swinging dick in Charleston hadn’t seen videos of her taking it in every hole.”

“No kidding. Like, what else could: Hot Holes for Hard Poles be but porn?” We were both laughing to the point of tears over that one, and not for the first time either. I put the phone on the speaker setting so I didn’t have to hold it while I looked for the notes that I had stuffed in the drawer last night for the story I was writing.

“Seriously though, Stace, you know I couldn’t date anyone when all this shit started because I was pregnant. No one wants to date the knocked-up teenager.”

“Yeah, too bad for you everyone wanted to fuck teen baby daddy though. But here’s the thing, you’re 19 now and Declan is easier to handle for the dads. That means you can go out with Paul again!”

“I doubt it. Once I explained that I’m still married and sort of, sometimes, lived with Declan’s dad, he lost interest.”

“That’s a bummer.” I could hear Stacey’s pout on the other end of the phone.

“It is and it isn’t. Obviously, he’s a great guy and what kind of decent man would be okay getting in the middle of my crazy situation? You know? The problem is the only guys who will go for my situation are the ones who aren’t worth my time. I’ve had enough of being cheated on by my husband to last me a lifetime. The last thing I need is to go into a relationship with someone who thinks it’s okay to do it because I allowed it before.”

“Yeah, that does suck. Maybe, all you really need is a fuck buddy.”

“I think casual sex is what got me into this shit in the first place and now you’re suggesting I go right back to that?”

“Hear me out,” Stacey added quickly. “You, my dear, need a confidence boost. That man, whether he intended to or not, has been chiseling away at your self confidence for years and you need a way to get it back. So, you can’t get into a real relationship until you can finalize a divorce, but you can fuck. You can see that men out there want your sexy body. You can feel good about sex instead of being stuck with just two miserable memories of awful fucking. Lily, you should know what an actual orgasm feels like that you didn’t have to give yourself.”

I chuckled because Stacey had been trying to get me to get back out there into the big bad world of sex and relationships for a long time now. Paul had been my first real attempt at doing just that, but he had been legitimately pissed off with me when I explained that I was still married and couldn’t divorce just yet.

“Fine, I’ll think over the fuck buddy situation, because it doesn’t actually sound too bad. Who cares if the guy is an asshole, if all we’re doing is fucking when I get some free time?”

“Exactly!” Stacey shouted into the phone at the same time something came crashing down by the stairs. I turned to see that Merc was standing there with a glass vase broken at his feet while flowers and water spilled out all around him.

“Shit! Stacey, I’ll call you back.” I hung up the phone and grabbed my trash can that sat beside my desk. I leaned down, started picking up the flowers, and setting them off to the side after shaking out the glass.

“Don’t. It’s my mess, I’ll clean it up.”

“It’s fine, Merc. My hands aren’t broken.” He leaned down and started picking up the larger shards. “How long were you listening to my conversation?”

The tips of his ears burned red hot for a minute, which tipped me off that it had been enough, no matter how much he overheard.

“I was about to come give you the flowers when I heard you call her.”

“You just stood there and listened to my whole conversation?”

“Honestly, it was the only way I was going to learn anything real about you, so yeah.”

My scoff was met by narrowed eyes.

“Come off it, Merc. All you ever had to do was talk to me in order to learn anything substantial. I’ve never stopped you from getting to know me over the years, you held yourself back from that.” I flicked residual water off my hands and stood up. “I don’t even know what you were so afraid of. I would think you would want to know something substantial about the woman who is raising your son.”

“It’s not like that,” he muttered.

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