Page 29 of The Broken Beginning: Part One

He didn’t bother responding because what could he honestly say? He hadn’t pitched in for shit since we’d been married. At least, not where I was concerned. I saw the truck he bought for Brinley before she skipped town. Brinley herself made sure I knew exactly who bought it for her as she told me to enjoy riding the school bus. To say I had zero faith in Merc doing the right thing was an understatement.

“What is all this?” My father asked from somewhere behind me. I hadn’t been paying attention to the fact that he started snooping through the cabinets, drawers, and counters while I was making my point with the electric notice.

“What?”

He laid the estimate the doctor’s office had given me for how much the birth was going to cost. There were three different estimates there. One was for a simple, no meds, vaginal birth. The second was for a birth that might involve small things like medications and episiotomy and stitching plus the two-day stay in the hospital. The third detailed how much it might cost if I had to go in for an emergency c-section.

“They’re just estimates for how much things will cost.”

“I see that, but why do you have this?” He pointed to the one about the c-section cost. “Is there something wrong that we should know about?”

“No. They just wanted me to have all the potential costs since I’ve been paying a little extra at a time at each visit to make sure that some of the hospital stay and delivery fee is covered. I figured it was better to start paying it now so that I didn’t have a huge bill come due when I had to buy things like diapers and clothes for a growing baby.” I shrugged and took another sip of my ginger ale.

“Fuuuuck! Boone, we’ve been failing the hell out of my little girl.”

“I never even thought about the costs,” he admitted to my dad. “We had insurance from the military when Damon was born. Never had to worry about shit like that.”

“It was the same for me,” my dad admitted before handing the papers to Boone. “Look at that shit,” he told him. Both men had been in the military before they came to be in an MC together, but I honestly never knew that my dad was still in when I was born. It wasn’t something I remembered.

“They want $1,700 for a birth if nothing at all goes wrong?” Boone damn near shouted out his shock. Then he turned to me. This says birth only, what does that mean?”

“It means that the $1,700 is only for the delivery fee and the hospital stay. It doesn’t count the visits, tests, ultrasounds, or anything else leading up to the delivery.” My face was heating with a flush of embarrassment as these men, once again, realized the financial burden I’d been shouldering on my own.

“What about that visit when I went with you?” Boone asked. “The one where we saw the baby,” he reiterated because he’d been to another one earlier on in my pregnancy when I needed a ride. I cringed. That visit had cost me a huge chunk of my savings.

“It was a few hundred dollars.”

“Fuck’s sake, kid! Why didn’t you tell me that day?”

“I knew it would be expensive. I’d been pre-paying. Ultrasounds aren’t cheap, but that was the last one they do unless something is wrong.”

“I want receipts for every penny you’ve spent and then I don’t want you to worry about any of the rest of it, you hear me?” My father ordered in his no-nonsense way. I just gave him a dubious look because I honestly didn’t believe anything any of them told me anymore. Boone and my father had once reassured me that everything would be okay, and all would be taken care of when they demanded that I marry Merc. They lied.

“Don’t give me that look, baby girl.” His voice softened as he spoke. “Believe me, I know we failed in what we promised you. I thought…” His eyes wandered to Merc’s then. “Never mind what I thought. I was wrong and I should have been double-checking to make sure, but I dropped the ball because I wanted the two of you to figure shit out.”

I laughed then. “You wanted the two of us to figure shit out, and you thought that would happen when I asked for your help getting a car while he bought his girlfriend one instead?” I asked. When no one answered I continued. “How did you think the two of us were going to figure anything out when you know that he has an old lady living with him at the clubhouse and that I’m here alone in this prison you set me up in with no way to get anywhere? Maybe that was your plan all along. If I didn’t have a car, I couldn’t go to the clubhouse and make any trouble. I don’t know, but just when did you think we were working things out when he hasn’t been in this house in months?”

“I don’t have an old lady,” Merc offered up, as if that made everything okay.

“You have a whore who lives with you in the clubhouse. Old lady or not, she’s the one getting your time, effort, and attention. She’s the one whose needs you’re catering to, and they can’t say they didn’t know about it.”

I shifted my attention away from him and back to my father then. “Why did you make me do this? Do you hate me that much? Is this my punishment for being my mother’s daughter? Did you think I would do the same thing she did? Did you feel like I didn’t deserve to be happy? I don’t understand why you would make me go through this.” I started crying then because the tears were both angry and sad and there was no holding them back any longer.

“I’m sorry that I got pregnant. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I don’t even remember most of that stupid night because it just seemed like a dream that never really happened. But then here I am living alone, growing bigger, and I don’t even know anything about how to pay those stupid bills, or how to find a job when I look like this,” I tossed my hands down to indicate my growing belly. “Every single day, I’m just alone with all of this. The least you could have done was told me how in the hell I was supposed to do all the adult things when you start with nothing, because I don’t know.” My dad moved in to swoop me up out of the chair.

“I’m so sorry, Lil! I fucked up! You’re right, this should have never happened. We thought things would change and get better. I’m sorry baby. I promise, I’ll do better. I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m here, okay?”

When my father finally released me from his smothering hug, the other two men were no longer at the table. I knew they must have been back in either the bedroom or the nursery because I could hear faint mumbling sounds, as if they were having a heated discussion while also trying not to be overheard.

“I don’t want you quitting school, Lil. We’ll work out everything else, but you need to finish.”

“Dad, I don’t think I can do this,” I admitted.

“Baby girl, you only feel that way because I failed you. Shit, I never even talked to you about paying bills, let alone checked in on you to see if you needed help understanding, sorting through, or paying anything. That’s on me, kiddo. Not you. You can do this because you are stronger than any man I know.”

“Then why wouldn’t you let me do this on my own?”

“Honestly, Lily, I thought I was saving you both by throwing you together. Never imagined it wouldn’t work out that way. Again, that’s my fault. After you have the baby, if you still feel like you don’t want to be a part of this shit, I will buy the house out from under Merc and you can be on your own here – with my help, if that’s what you want.”

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