Page 57 of The Broken Beginning: Part One

“Lily, please!”

She turned, angrier than I’d ever seen her. “No! Don’t Lily, please me! I thought you had finally decided to change. I thought you were finally going to give me all of you for once. How long have you been with this Shaina chick? Were you even going to say anything to me about it or just lie and hope you didn’t get caught? Did you think you could start something real with me and keep your mistress on the side? Or, and this is the real kicker here, was I supposed to be the side piece while you had your real woman tucked away elsewhere? Considering last night was only the third time we ever slept together, I think that last was probably what you must have been thinking, right? What was all that bullshit about you being pissed about my lunch date when you have a woman you supposedly have been faithful to until last night?”

“Lily, I don’t fucking love her. She’s not important. Shaina was… fuck! She was nothing more than a placeholder in my life.”

“A placeholder for what, Merc? A placeholder,” she repeated and laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. If I had to put a name to it, it sounded like humiliation. “A placeholder for when you got rid of me?”

“NO! Fucking Christ, if you’d ever listen to me, she was a placeholder for when you finally came around and started to like me again.”

“If you would ever speak with your actions instead of your empty words, that might have happened a long time ago. Now, I’m just done. I’m done holding out hope that one day I will mean enough to you. Don’t come around without calling.”

“It’s my home too.”

“No! It’s not your home. This is the house you visit when you want to pretend to have a family. This is my home, but if you’re going to play stupid games, I can easily find another, and you won’t have an ounce of access when I do. I’ll have my father meet you at the closest McDonalds to let you see your son. Do not push me any more than you already have!”

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

In all the years since I’d knocked her up, my fuckups had always felt shitty in the wake of seeing what they did to her, but never like this. It felt final this time. My heart raced as I pulled back out of the driveway of the home that I was no longer welcome in, and I had only myself to blame for that. Instead of going straight back to the club, I drove to Shaina’s place. I had some shit to straighten out and there was no way that Lily would take me seriously, or ever forgive me, if I didn’t get that shit handled now. She was right. I had never shown her in actions – not in the way that counted most – that I was hers alone.

Shaina was home when I got there, which made sense since she had weekends off. Truthfully, I usually picked her up on Friday night and we’d go do something together before I crashed with her all weekend. Last night was the first time I didn’t do that, or at least stop by to let her know I had club business, in months.

The door opened before I even had the bike parked, and once I was standing on my own two feet, she ran for me, jumping up to wrap her legs around my waist as I caught her. I closed my eyes to savor the feel, only in my mind, I pictured Lily being this happy to see me for once. Yeah, that made me fucked up all around.

I was stuck in my own warped cycle. Somewhere along the line, I’d fallen for my wife, and wanted exactly this, but since I was too much of a dipshit to figure out how to get it from her, I got it from someone else. And now, I was stuck in this bullshit place where I think I finally lost all chance with Lil, but in case that wasn’t true, I had to end things with Shaina.

“Where were you last night? I missed you!” It was only then, as she tucked her head into my neck and I felt her body tense against mine, that I realized I hadn’t showered away my night yet.

She leaned back with tears in her eyes as she put her hands on my cheeks and held me there. “Where were you?” She asked again, her question strained with emotion.

I walked to the house, not saying a word and never taking my eyes off her. Shaina was a good woman. She was one I could have seen a life with if Lily hadn’t been in it. She would have even made a good stepmom to Deck, if things had been different. Even though all that was true, I hadn’t lied to Lily. Shaina never had my heart. Maybe she could have if I hadn’t started falling for my wife instead.

Once we were inside, with the door shut behind us, I moved us to the couch and set Shaina down gently while taking the seat next to her.

“There are some things I need to tell you.”

She crossed her arms defensively over her chest. “You should start with where in the hell you were last night.”

“I was with my wife.” She flinched at the mention of my being married. Shaina wasn’t stupid. We had never really talked about it, but she knew all along that I had a wife, that we didn’t really have a marriage in the true sense of the word, but that we co-parented our kid. She also knew that I had never before referred to Lily as my wife, not to anyone while in her presence.

“Your wife?” She questioned.

“I went to see Declan yesterday.”

“Your son, who you still haven’t introduced me to,” she accused.

“My son who I couldn’t introduce you to, even if I wanted to.”

“And why is that, Damon?”

“I made one promise to Lily that I swore to keep because I broke far too many others. She made me promise that I wouldn’t get any other women involved with my son until the day we could divorce.”

“So, I’m just ‘another woman’?”

“Drop the attitude. I’m trying to be straight with you here, and let’s be real, you knew I was married when we started. Hell, you’ve met Lily’s father.”

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