Page 42 of Letters to Lily

Chapter 18

Oct. 29

I can’t believe you have no clue where you left your purse?” Jenn was a flighty mess today, and I didn’t understand why. We had already had to put our date on hold to go back to her apartment, then to her last class in school, and finally we decided to try the diner to see if she left it when she went in to pick up her paycheck this morning.

“Yeah, well, if you’d stop distracting me, maybe I could think things through.” She giggled as I wrapped my hands around her and started tickling each side of her ribs as we walked into the diner. Ms. Bernadette looked up at us and laughed at our antics. Jenn and I still weren’t anything solid, but I had been trying harder for both of our sakes, especially after my fuck-up when I used her body to try to get past my frustrations about Sasha.

Jenn was saying something to Bernadette that I didn’t quite hear, but then she bumped her hips back into my groin. Her throwing her hips into my pelvic area wasn’t the greatest idea, because it hurt, and caused me to jump back. That was the beginning of the craziest domino effect I’d ever experienced. It just so happened that someone had been walking behind me at that moment, and I ended up knocking them down.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean…” I started to say as I offered the woman a hand up. I felt terrible when I realized she was extremely pregnant, because what if I hurt her, or her baby? Then her head snapped up, and familiar, warm caramel-colored eyes that were glazed with moisture were searching my own. “Sasha?”

She didn’t speak, just moved her eyes from me to the woman who was now peering over my shoulder, and holding onto me with a desperation I didn’t understand. I did comprehend the look in Sasha’s eyes though, betrayal. Not that I understood how she could feel that way considering she was knocked-up by some other dude.

As she stood, and literally ran out of the diner something struck me as odd about her though. She was far too pregnant. So pregnant that it could be… “Holy shit!” The moment when realization dawned on me, I went to run after her, but tripped on something that was on the floor. She’d dropped a book, a journal from the looks of it, and I picked it up before hauling ass out the door after her. I saw her hop in a cab, closing the door and taking off before I could even get her name out of my mouth again. “Sasha?” I called out anyway. So close. I had been so fucking close to her, and now I had to wonder if anything I’d been told by a single person in our lives had been true.

“Here, I’ll just toss this.” Jenn said as she tried tugging Sasha’s journal from my hands.

“What? No!” I yelled at her. “Why the hell would you want to toss it?”

“She’s just some poor, pregnant sap who writes letters to her baby all the time.”

“How do you know?” I questioned as I opened the journal to the first page to see my name there. It was a letter to me. I glanced up and saw Jenn visibly pale, and the look of guilt on her face had a sick feeling bubbling up in my stomach. “That was Sasha. My Sasha,” I emphasized, as I watched her flinch and move back from me. Bernadette was outside now asking if everyone was all right.

“That poor girl, I don’t know what spooked her, but she ran out of here without eating or paying. I hope she didn’t go into labor early.”

“Go into labor early? How far along is she?”

“She said her due date was in early December sometime.” I started doing quick math in my head. No. God no.

“December? You’re sure?”

“I’m positive. That sweet girl is in here a few times a week and we’ve been talking. I was just telling her this trick you can do with pillows to help her sleep better.”

“She’s in here a few times a week and you know she writes letters?” I flip the journal pages and see a few entries marked “Dear Lily” and a whole lot of my name is mentioned throughout. “And you know this how?”

“I saw them when she first started coming in. She liked Bernie better though, so I don’t wait on her anymore.”

“Because you were nosey and always trying to read what she was writing, and asking her personal questions,” Bernadette supplied helpfully.

“You knew?” Anger seeped from my pores as the next question left my mouth before she even bothered to answer the first. “That’s my baby, isn’t it?” Bernadette’s hand flew to her mouth as she glanced between me and Jenn, and then where Sasha had retreated into a cab. “All the times I talked to you about wishing I knew what happened to Sasha, and you knew where she was the whole time? You knew she was pregnant? With my baby?”

“You don’t understand, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t think…” Jenn was reaching out for me then, but I backed out of her reach.

“Don’t fucking come near me.” I screamed the words out before turning to Bernadette. “Do you know where she lives? I have to find her.”

“No, I’m so sorry honey, if I had known…” her words trailed off. “Now, I wish I had been nosey and looked at those journals too. That poor, poor girl. I can only imagine what she’s going through right now.” Bernadette turned to go back into the diner with her shoulders slumped. It was obvious she felt bad for Sasha. I can only imagine what they’re talks had been like.

I pulled out my phone then, dialing the one person I needed to come help me. “Hey man, what’s up? I was just leaving practice.”

“I need you. I’m at the diner, and if I drive right now, I’ll probably kill someone.”

“I’m on my way,” my brother said into the phone before hanging up.

“Please, let me explain…” Jenn was pleading with me.

“GET. THE. FUCK. AWAY.” I yelled out. She flinched back again.

“Kade,” tears were free falling down her face.

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