Page 32 of Letters to Lily

“That would be awesome. I’m not sure if she had somewhere specific in mind. As soon as she gets out of the shower I’ll ask.”

“So, are you finally moving on from friendship to dating then?” He asked, knowing the score.

“I think so, man. It’s time. My mom wanted me to try to hunt the ex down to get closure or whatever. Jenn actually made sense when I talked to her about it though. If the ex is happy with her life without me, and from all accounts I’ve heard she has a new man in her life, it would make me a complete jackass to step into the mix just to make myself feel better.”

“Maybe,” Brad said hesitantly. “Then again, seeing what Prego has gone through with the unknown where her ex is concerned, I would say those questions might go both ways. And I’ve also tried to convince her to find the ex, because let’s face it, he should know about the baby, at the very least.”

“For sure. I would be pissed if I got a chick pregnant and she never told me.”

“Well, she just doesn’t know where the cocksucker ran off to. Believe me, she’d tell him if she could. The bigger problem for me is, I think she needs that closure to heal and move on even if he still doesn’t want jack shit to do with their kid, you know? I’m not saying that’s the road to travel for you, but for her, I’m pushing for it.”

“Seriously though? I know you’re kind of hung up on her, are you really okay pushing her back into the ex’s arms?”

“Do I want her to fall in love with the dick all over again while I have to watch? No, and if that happens it would suck. But I do want her to heal and be happy again. If that means seeing him and saying goodbye so she can move on to someone else…”

“Someone such as yourself?” I chuckled.

“I’m not saying I wouldn’t make myself available,” he laughs. “But, listen, I care about this girl enough to want it for her even if it means her happiness is tied to getting back with the ass-nugget. Although, one small misstep on his part will have me launching a foot up his ass before he can even breathe the word ‘sorry’ to her for whatever fuckup occurred.”

“So, do you think it’s weird that Jenn would tell me not to do it then?”

“Hell no, that’s not weird! Chicks are totally different, and if I’m honest, they are far more territorial and catty than guys are. She’s going to discourage you no matter what, dude. Just do yourself a favor and catalog everyone’s responses but go with what feels right for you. No one else’s opinion really matters.”

“I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have. I’m not sure seeing me now would be a good thing for her.”

“Well, I guess that’s your answer then.” He paused a moment before continuing. “Look, I’m going to hit up Prego really quick about the dinner thing. Text me the info, and I’ll let you know if we’ll be joining you guys.”

“Cool,” I said as my good-bye. We hung up, and once again, I was left with a little bit more peace of mind than I’d had earlier when speaking to my mom. My brother had the ability to make sense of things in a way that no one else in my life could. The situation still sucked, but having someone to unload on who would ultimately say, ‘trust your own judgment’ was kind of a weight off my shoulders considering the women in my life who each had their own demands and agendas.

Jenn came out wearing a form-fitting, blue dress that barely hit mid-thigh and showed a little too much of her cleavage. It was more club wear than dinner wear, but who was I to tell her that? “Hey, Brad wanted to crash our dinner party with his friend. Did you have somewhere specific in mind?”

She didn’t respond at first, so I looked back up from my phone where my thumbs had been hovering to shoot off the text to my brother. Jenn pouted as she spoke. “I thought we were going out as a couple tonight, finally.” FUCK! I just could not get shit right these days. Once upon a time, I had game. Apparently, I lost it when I lost Sasha.

That thought had felt like a splash of cold water to the face. It was a shock to the system to admit, out loud, that I’d lost more with Sasha that I understood. Granted, I hadn’t actually said that out loud, but the thought had been powerful enough that I may as well have. “I didn’t think about it like that,” I finally answered Jenn. “I was thinking of it more as a double date and getting to introduce you to my brother.”

“Oh, you said he was bringing a friend, not a girl,” Jenn was still pouting but she seemed a little more accepting of the possibility of dinner with Brad. “Who is he bringing?” She was chewing on her lip nervously as she waited for my response.

“Um, well, shit…” I tried to think back to what this chick’s name was, but I couldn’t remember him ever calling her anything other than Prego. That made me laugh. “Honestly, I’m not sure. The thing is, she’s just his friend, but she’s also pregnant, so he’s always referring to her as Prego. I’m honestly not sure I’ve ever heard him say her actual name,” I continued as I chuckled over the fact. To my surprise, Jenn went very still and pale as the blood seemed to drain from her face. “What’s the matter?”

“Oh,” she turned around fiddling with something on the end table behind her. “Sorry, I was just shocked. Did your brother get a girl pregnant? I know that one day at the diner he denied it, but why else would he be hanging around her so much. That’s kind of weird isn’t it? What normal, single guy likes hanging out with a woman who is pregnant by another man?”

“No, it’s definitely not his,” I told her, wondering why she asked if she was going to argue that it was weird for a man who wasn’t the father to have a pregnant female friend. “She was already knocked-up by someone else. They’re friends though. I don’t think he’d mind if there was more, but this girl is apparently still hung up on the baby’s daddy even though he skipped town.”

A visible shiver ran through Jenn’s body as I spoke and she stumbled as she moved back towards her bedroom. “On second thought, I think I’m going to change into something else, because the air condition in some of the restaurants in town can be ridiculous. I don’t want to freeze inside just to come back out and sweat my butt off.”

“Okaaay…” I drew out the word, not really understanding the complete change of subject. “But where did you want to go, so I can tell Brad?”

She poked her head back out of the bedroom and I couldn’t miss the attitude she was about to unleash, as it was evident in her body language. “Honestly, I was really looking forward to dinner with just the two of us, Kade. You keep finding excuses to either ditch me or turn things into a big friend-fest. Either you want to be with me as more, or you don’t, but I wish you’d make up your damn mind. This yo-yo shit isn’t funny, and honestly, I don’t know how much more of it I can take before I just give up.” She was snapping the words out by the end of her little spiel.

“Jesus, all you had to do was say no.” My cell phone dinged with an incoming message, and I looked down.

Brad: Can’t make it after all. Forgot Prego has an evening class tonight.

Kade: that’s cool, psycho just threw a hissy fit about the potential double date. She wanted me all to herself, I guess.

Brad: good luck with that. I think I fair better with Prego and the hormones any day of the week. ;)

Kade: winky faces between dudes should be outlawed. ;)

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