Page 4 of Letters to Lily

I heard a crash in the bathroom then and water splashing followed by a string of curse words from Jason. “Dude,” he called out. The door cracked open and he had a guilt-riddled expression on his face. “I’m so sorry, Kade.” My phone had just gone for a swim in the bottom of the toilet - the same toilet Jason had just been using.

“Fuck!” I yelled. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I snatched my bag up off the bed, looking at my clock on the bedside table. “I can’t miss this flight. Text Sash for me, explain what’s going on, and tell her I’ll call as soon as I get there and can grab a new phone.”

“Will do, brother.” Jason gave me a half hug and pat on the back before sending me off with a quick, “Safe flight, man!”

Being back in Vegas, even at the airport, sucked. I thought I’d miss it when I left all those years ago, but the truth was I hadn’t thought about it since the day I found my new best friend in Northbrook, North Carolina. I’ll never forget the day I was standing there watching this little spitfire of a girl take up for me with the boys in our class. She called all the girls out for their bad behavior too, but the best part was when she punched Johnny in the face and made his nose bleed. If I were ever to be honest with myself, I’d say she stole my heart that day. I knew she didn’t see me that way though. Hell, she was the only girl in our grade, and some other grades, who wasn’t trying to make me her boyfriend back then. I had kissed her that day anyway. It was only on the cheek, and lord knew I wanted it to be her lips in a bad kind of way, but I didn’t want to ruin something that I knew would be special with her.

We were inseparable from that day on, and I never thought about Nevada, or why we’d left, again. Standing in an airport in Vegas now, I thought back to the fights I’d overheard between my parents back then. My dad had cheated – not for the first time – and my mom had given him an ultimatum. Either we moved back to her hometown in North Carolina and try to start fresh, or she was going to take him to the cleaners for everything he had. Dad, the insufferable prick, chose to keep his assets close, and his family closer. In truth, the vast majority of money in our family was my mom’s. Her parents had been very wealthy and left her with quite a large chunk of change in a trust fund that was covered under a pre-nuptial agreement they made her sign before she got married. My dad could only touch parts of that money so long as they were still married. My grandparents were both brilliant and stupid for the pre-nup business. They were brilliant because they obviously already saw through my dad’s bullshit; and stupid, because those stipulations managed to tie my dad to us for as long as humanly possible.

I took in a deep breath and let it out as I spun around looking for my mom who was supposed to be here to pick me up. I waited for another twenty minutes and decided to find a phone to call her. “Mom, where are you? I landed twenty minutes ago.”

“I’z been tryin’a call, but shurr phone keeps saying your voicemail is full,” she huffed at me. “Myes hurt in the lit. I can’t drive to come getzzz you.” She was slurring her words, so I had no doubt that her eyes hurt in the light because of whatever it was she had taken. Probably some of her Xanax mixed with whatever liquor the hotel room had stocked in her mini fridge. I rolled my eyes, not that she could see the gesture, but it still made me feel a tad better about the situation.

“I’ll be there soon. I’m snagging a rental car.” I stomped off and soon found that snagging a rental car when you’re nineteen-years-old in Vegas is damned near impossible. If I heard, “Sorry sir, you have to be 21 to rent a car, it’s policy,” one more time I was going to hurl something heavy at someone’s head.

I ended up having to just grab a cab, hailing one outside the airport. We started the slow crawl toward my mom, who would hopefully; be passed out by the time I got there. I wasn’t entirely certain I could maintain my cool if she wasn’t. Her behavior was just inexcusable to me.

My dad had cheated on her, repeatedly, and the minute he needed money, he always found a way to sucker her back in. The worst part was she was so afraid of being alone that she fell for it every damn time. I may have wanted to beat the living shit out of my dad, but I wouldn’t mind giving my mom the lobotomy she so obviously needed either. I love her, and she has stuck by me, never abandoning me through all their crazy adulterous drama, but that didn’t mean she didn’t need a foot up her ass too.

I found myself digging in my pocket in search of my cell on the way to the hotel. My shoulders slumped when I remembered once again that Jason had dropped it in the shitter at the apartment before I left. I knew Sasha would understand, but I hoped Jason hadn’t waited to deliver my message and let her know what was going on. If nothing else, I’d borrow mom’s phone when I got to the hotel and call her then. I missed the hell out of that girl already. Hell, I should have gone by and picked her up and brought her with me.

She’d probably kick my ass if she knew why. Aside from the fact that I didn’t want her to have to deal with my family’s drama, my real reason was pretty simple. It was too damn easy to get married in Vegas, and if I brought her here, I would have made it happen without a second thought. I don’t think she realized yet how much I loved her, which is why I couldn’t bring her here and scare her off by trying to marry her when I hadn’t proven myself to her yet.

I’d fucked up our relationship, big time, from the start. From day one, after I asked her out on our first official date, I was doing stupid shit, like nervously blurting out how I wished other girls could be more like her. By the look on her face, I knew she took it wrong. I didn’t mean that I wanted other girls, if they acted more like she did. I meant the opposite. She was so different, and it made it ridiculously hard to keep my feelings for her at bay. I just kept saying and doing the wrong things.

Then there was the night at the frat party, when we had sex for the first time. When I made love to her that night, she had been a virgin, and damn if that hadn’t been the shock of a lifetime. I spent a few months in high school resenting the fact that she’d given her virginity away to that douche nozzle, Scott. Only, he’d been lying, and I’d been the only one sleeping around with other people the whole time.

I was embarrassed by that fact when I realized she was a virgin that night. Then, I was equally ashamed of myself, because it was her first time ever, our first time together, and we were both drunk and on some stranger’s bed at a frat party. It wasn’t one of my finer moments in life, and it was certainly way less than Sasha deserved. I still hadn’t been able to bring myself to talk to her about it, because I figured at least a small part of her had to hate me for that night. If I had known… Well, obviously, that was why hindsight was a bitch. How could I have known? She never bothered to correct the rumors back in high school, not even to me.

It seemed to take forever, and no time at all, to get to the hotel. I managed to check into my own room across the hall from my mother’s suite in little time as well. Once I was upstairs, I took my bags directly to my room, dropped them, and walked across the hall to bang on my mother’s door.

She answered with her cell phone glued to her ear as she slurred out curses to the man, obviously my father, on the other end of the line. “I can’t believe you had that harlot at the house you want me to buy for us, and you think I’m still going to go through with it?” I was translating her drunk speak in my head as I heard it. She really didn’t sound that put together. “This is the last damn straw. I’m done with you. Forget me, forget my number, and just forget everything, you sorry piece of shit, lying, cheating bastard!” She screamed into the phone and then threw it across the room where it managed to smash into teeny tiny little useless pieces. My stomach dropped at the sight. That meant it would take even longer to get a phone call out to my girl.

I sighed, pulled my now weeping mom into my arms, and held onto her while the alcohol and heartbreak wreaked havoc with her emotional state.

Chapter 3

April 30

I didn’t want to change my phone number while I was still waiting for a call from Kade, but according to the phone company guys, it was going to be the only way to make the unwanted spam calls and texts stop. What a freaking nightmare. Kristin must have seen the panic on my face because she put her hand on my shoulder and spun me around to face away from the phone guy. “Okay, so you get a new number. It’s not the end of the world, and I know you feel like he’s the one who needs to contact you, and he is after all the messages you left, but we’ll just suck it up and go over to his apartment in person. Okay? I’ll go with you. Honestly, you need to deliver this news in person anyway. No need to keep waiting for him to continue to be a schmuck for whatever reason.”

Everything she just said made total sense. I found myself nodding in agreement as I turned back to the phone guy. “Fine, can you get my number changed, please?”

“Sure thing. It’ll be a few minutes. I need to make sure my manager is aware of the situation too. We don’t want your old number getting repopulated to someone else who will just pick up the same problem you had.” I nodded as I browsed absently through the throngs of phones and tablets on display in the store.

“Everything is going to be okay,” Kristin said to me as she rested her hand soothingly on my back.

“If that were true, he would have already called.” My shoulders sagged inward with the weight of my heavy sigh. “It was a small fight.” My words were no more than a whisper. “Wasn’t it? He could have said yes or no about the living arrangements, and I would have been fine with us either living together or separately for another semester until we were both more certain of things, you know?”

Kristin concurred with the slight bow of her head.

“But he hasn’t called. What does it mean that he hasn’t called?” The panic that bubbled up with my question was palpable, leaving my chest aching with the uncertainty I felt.

“I wish I could tell you, Sash. There’s no telling what’s going through that boy’s head, or any boy’s head for that matter. They’re confusing creatures, if you ask me.” She smiled. “Maybe we should pop in and ask our sexy neighbors across the hall.”

“I’m sure that’s how they’d like to interact with their strange new neighbors across the hall who sometimes bake them cookies.” I laughed a little. “Here, have some chocolate chip, and tell us all the secrets of your sex.”

“On second thought, show us the secrets of your sex,” Kristin laughed while waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

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