Page 61 of Letters to Lily

There was silence on the other end for a minute, and then a sigh. “Right. I guess I should have expected that.” I knew what he must have been thinking. He probably thought the same thing Kristin asked about last night. That we had some terrific, wild, pregnancy make-up sex or something. I noted that Kade did not confirm or deny this, and just left his brother to his own imagination. No doubt it was far worse than telling him the truth. “I guess we’ll see you in a bit when I bring Kris home then.” And that was the end of the conversation.

“I should have told him nothing happened,” Kade finally said before he glanced up at the amused look on my face.

“Why? It’s not really his business if we went at it like bunnies all night or just fell asleep.” His smile grew wider then when he realized it really didn’t bother me. “You were very clear and set me straight about things last night. Let me do the same for you. I care about Brad, very much. He’s been an amazing friend, and there were moments when he actually asked for there to be more. I told him no. Every. Single. Time. I even tried to deal with the devil to make him go out, party, and meet women. Oddly enough, I love him like a brother. That is all there is on my end.” I smiled at the relief that was evident in Kade’s body language.

“I think you should cut him some slack too. If you really want the truth, which he’s not able to give you yet, I don’t think he truly likes me that way either. I think when you spend enough time dealing with another person’s emotional baggage, and helping to take care of them, you form an attachment. Sometimes, it gets confused for more than it is. I honestly believe that is all Brad has for me. He just got close and didn’t know what to do with it. He told me he’d never had a serious girlfriend before. Maybe now, he really will see Kristin. I used to catch him watching her sometimes. That’s why I can say with utmost certainty that what he felt for me wasn’t an in-love kind of love.”

“Guys who are in love look at other women,” Kade commented.

“Kristin is beyond attractive, and I’ve never noticed you look at her the way he does when he thinks no one will notice. Trust me. Them hooking up may just open both of their eyes.” I looked around the room then, “What were you doing sleeping in here? That rocking chair has to be the single worst spot to try to nap.” Now my insecurities were probably showing.

“I woke up about twenty minutes ago, and thought about making breakfast, but once I was out there I had a hideous case of morning breath so I went in search of a bathroom that might have toothpaste in it.” He’s explaining this with a smile plastered to his face. When I peeked in the door and saw what this room was, I couldn’t stop myself from coming in.”

“I meant to show it to you yesterday, but then your mom stopped by, and I got tired.” I offered sheepishly.

“It’s okay. Yesterday was a lot to take in all on its own. Anyway, I came in here and sat down admiring the Lily prints and snuggling the teddy bear. I just started imagining what it would be like when she’s lying over there sleeping and… well, I guess I fell asleep thinking about that.”

I don’t know why him thinking about watching our baby sleep in this room hit me the way it did, but the next thing I knew I was blurting out, “I never stopped loving you Kade, not for a single minute.”

I watched as his mouth fell open, tears pooled in his eyes, and he sprung to his feet. “I’m so fucking glad, because I never stopped loving you either. You are it for me, Sasha. Never, ever doubt that again.” His mouth came down on mine and he kissed me with everything he had in him. I kissed him back just as fiercely. We’d already lost too much time to the nonsense Jason helped set in motion. In that moment, I think we were both re-claiming our futures. Our future – together.

Epilogue

…18 years later…

I can’t believe you’re going off to college,” my mother was saying as she held my face in her hands and started tearing up again.

“Mom, I still have two weeks before I’m leaving. Maybe we can save the tears for the special day?”

Mom just huffed at me and rolled her eyes. “It is a special day. I wanted to give you something that I’ve been saving for you.” I looked down at a box that my mom had sitting beside her feet. It was the size of a shoebox, but far fancier. The box itself was lacquered black with a pure white lily emblazoned in the middle of the lid.

“This is gorgeous,” I took the box from her hands after she bent to pick it up, inspecting it more in depth. Towards the bottom, on the front side, was my name in a beautiful scripted font.

“It is. I had your father paint it for you,” my mom beamed a broad smile my way. She always did that when she mentioned my dad. He was the love of her life, and she was not afraid to let the whole world know that. He wasn’t any better. I’d say they were embarrassing, if it wasn’t so damn sweet and perfect. I just happened to be one of my few friends whose parents had stayed together their whole lives. I counted my blessings for that every day, because I couldn’t imagine my world without those two, perfect people in it.

My mom pulled me over to sit on the side of my bed with her. “Before you open it, I want to explain something to you.” I just nodded my head at her and continued tracing my fingers over the flower my dad painted on the box for me. It was gorgeous. They’d told me the story, many times over, that led to my being named Lily, so this particular flower had a lot of meaning for the three of us.

“Inside this box is mine and your father’s story. It is the part of our story from before you were born. I know you’ve heard us talk about bits and pieces over the years, but I don’t think you’ve ever heard about the time we actually spent apart.”

My jaw literally dropped. I never knew my parents had ever split up at any point. “What are you talking about?”

“A big mess of a thing happened right around the time I found out I was pregnant with you. Your dad was already gone when I found out, and let me put your mind to rest by telling you now that you need to keep in mind, as you read through my journal, that not everything was as it seemed to me when I was writing it.” A ghost of a smile, tinged with a little sadness, sat upon my mother’s face as she explained. I was still stunned. My parents are the happiest couple in the world. I never would have guessed there was ever trouble in paradise.

“Anyway, I want you to read this before you go running off to college, because…” she looked away for a moment, contemplating what she wanted to say next. It was clear that my mom wanted to say something specific, but for some reason she wouldn’t. “Well, let’s just say that it’s important, and I think it will help give you perspective.”

“Okay, Mom. Do I have to do this alone, or can Jamie read with me?”

“I don’t mind if Jamie hears our story.” My mom smiled again as she said that. “I’ll leave you to it then.” When she stood to leave, she turned back for a moment and called over her shoulder, “Shall I send him up?”

I nodded my head as I continued to stare down at the box in front of me. I had come up earlier to get changed so that we could go for a swim at the lake. Jamie had stayed downstairs, playing a video game with my little brother, Ryder. Looking at the beautiful box in my hand, I couldn’t help but think that my plans for the day had just changed. Curiosity about my parents’ time apart, when mom was pregnant with me, was definitely winning out.

A few moments later, the baritone voice of my best friend called out to me as he walked into my room. “Lils, your mom sent me up, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. She gave me this box with these journals in it.” I looked up at him now and Jamie’s eyes were bouncing back and forth between my bedroom door and me.

“Can I just point out the fact that your mom sent me to your bedroom?” I had to laugh at that, because while Jamie had snuck into my bedroom plenty of times in the past, he had never been given permission, by either of my parents, to be here. In fact, there was a time when my father threatened him with a very messy un-death if he ever caught him here. In other words, he would torture the poor boy, but leave him alive and in perpetual pain, for daring to enter the inner sanctum of his daughter’s room. I love my dad, but he can be crazy over-protective.

“Yeah, well, I guess we’ll be here a while reading these. My mom said the journals were from when she was pregnant with me, and that my parents were split up then.”

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