Page 6 of Letters to Lily

Three and a half hours later, I was numbly leaving the clinic with a prescription for prenatal vitamins, a list of possible OB/GYN docs that were nearby, and my heart in my hands. I was definitely pregnant. Apparently, I was due to have my baby on December 14th, which as luck would have it, was literally one week between my birthday and Kade’s. I was born on the 7th and he was born on the 21st. “What kind of voodoo magic has to happen to make our baby’s due date a week to the day from each of our birthdays?” I had been thinking that in my head, but apparently my mouth decided to put a voice to my thoughts.

“Sasha,” Kristin whispered as her hand covered mine. We were still sitting in my car, in the parking lot at the student clinic. “I don’t know whether to tell you I’m sorry, or it’ll be okay. I wish I had some more answers for you. I wish he would stop being a dumbass and get his butt in gear. I can’t change any of that for you though, so what do you need me to do? How can I help you?”

“Take me home, please?” She simply nodded, started the car, and we were off without another word spoken while I wondered how I could possibly have gone this far off course just because I was in love with my best friend, who apparently never felt the same way.

I decided that feeling sorry for myself simply would not get anything done, so I texted the devil himself.

Sasha: Please, tell Kade it is important I talk to him, even if he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. It’s so important!

I included my new number too since I knew it wouldn’t show up and I didn’t trust that the jerk hadn’t thrown the paper away that had the number on it.

We were already at our complex and headed up the stairs to our apartment when I got notification of an incoming text. I stopped on the landing to read it while Kristin unlocked the door and went inside.

Jason: Kade moved to Nevada permanently to get away from your crazy ass. Packed his shit and left. Thanks for running off my roomy & best friend! No need to send any more messages. He doesn’t want them, and I don’t feel the need to help you.

“Oh, God!” I yelped just as my neighbor came out of his apartment door. My legs gave out and I collapsed where I stood. Brad caught me just before my knees hit the wooden decking beneath me. The papers from the clinic I’d been clutching with my phone fell scattered around us.

“Sasha?” Brad’s compassionate tone caught me off guard.

“He’s gone. I didn’t even get to tell him…” Brad’s free hand scraped together the papers, the prescription for the vitamins being the top piece. He looked at it, and then at me, with a question in his eye. I simply shook my head and then the sobbing commenced. Brad scooped me up into his lap and held me there against him. I think I felt him kiss the top of my head and whisper words to me that said it would be okay, but honestly, I couldn’t hear him over the shattering of my own heart.

“What in the world?” Kristin’s voice finally cut through the raw emotion that was spilling out of me.

“She was looking at her phone, said something about him being gone, and she would have hit the floor after that if I hadn’t caught her.” Brad calmly explained to my roommate.

“Thanks for that. It’s been a rough week for her,” she offered. He held the papers out to her, so she’d know that he knew why. Then Kristin picked up my phone and read the text I’d received from Jason. I heard her intake of breath, the curses she uttered against both Jason and Kade, and then she pulled herself together. “Can you bring her in?” She asked our neighbor, and he obliged, picking me up and carrying me bridal style through the doorway of our apartment. He carried me all the way to my bed, where he pulled my shoes from my feet, tucked me in, and sat quietly beside my roommate as they held vigil while I sobbed myself to sleep.

Chapter 4

April 29

I didn’t even get to leave my mom’s suite for my own room the night before. I had to sleep on the sofa in the room just in case she choked on her own vomit. I was completely done-in, thanks to the horribly uncomfortable couch, the hours of helping my mom while she excised her demons into the toilet, and the sleeplessness that followed wondering what Sasha must think of all this. I hated that I hadn’t been able to talk to her yet. I had to make getting a new cell phone a priority today.

As I was making a list of things I needed to get done, my mother was dragging her hung over behind out of the bedroom area. “Room service,” she grunted at me as if I were supposed to read her mind about what she wanted. “I need some toast and juice, possibly coffee too,” she demanded before stumbling into the bathroom.

“Sure mother, anything else?” My sarcasm was not missed.

“Don’t be an ass this morning. I’ve had a bad week.”

“And you didn’t bring that on yourself at all,” I muttered. She still managed to hear me though if her grunt of displeasure was any indication.

“I need to use your phone,” she yelled out to me. “I’m going to have to call Mick.” Mick was my mother’s attorney, so I assumed that she had already started some process or other of helping my father monetarily that needed to be stopped immediately.

“Mom, my phone took an unfortunate dive into the toilet before I ever even got to leave for the airport. I haven’t had a minute to stop and get a new one. I also don’t have the cash to get one, seeing as how I just paid bills and bought an emergency plane ticket to come out here.”

“We’ll stop by the phone store on the way to the asshole’s new house then.”

“Mom, tell me you did not buy him a house,” I demanded.

“Nope. He wanted me to go in with him on it, but he already had it built before he clued me in. I guess once it was finished with all the extras he and his harlot added, it was too much money for him to afford and the bank turned down the final loans.”

“And just where do you and your money fall into the rest of the mess?”

“I was supposed to pay the builders the balance, and my name was getting added to the deed.”

“I’m sure the original loan too.”

“No, I told him I wouldn’t sign for the loans if I was paying out all the extra cash at the end.”

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