Page 28 of Letters to Lily

“What?” A strange voice asked me, startling my eyes to an open position. Glancing around the foreign room, made the sick feeling in my stomach intensify. The room began to spin, I felt far too warm all of a sudden, and then whatever was sloshing around inside me from last night started to pitch and roll, demanding to be let loose back into the world.

“Bathroom?” I managed to squeak out as I jumped up, completely nude. The blond that had been lying on me in bed pointed to a door on my right. Luckily, she had an en-suite bathroom because I didn’t have time to get my ass dressed. I hurled myself through the door and started praying to the porcelain gods.

When I came out, after cleaning myself up, Jenn was lying there with the sheets tucked up under her arms. While she gave herself some modesty this morning, she wasn’t shy at all about ogling my body that was on full display. In another lifetime, I would have owned that moment so hard. In this one, I had just been dreaming of holding Sasha only to wake up to an alternate reality where I don’t have her anymore. This fucking sucked. “I’m guessing that I went too hard at the shots last night,” I moaned while holding my head as I looked around for my clothes.

“You called me Sash,” Jenn snapped indignantly.

“Look, I wasn’t even awake yet. I think I’m still slightly drunk, with a massive hangover trying to steamroll its way in, and I was dreaming of my best friend from childhood. It’s nothing more than that.”

“And that’s all this girl was? Your best friend?”

“That’s all she’ll ever be,” I admitted while my gut rolled again.

“Hmm,” Jenn huffed out as she pointed across the room to my jeans.

“I don’t mean to sound callous here, but I don’t really remember last night, and I certainly don’t remember getting here or stripping naked. Please, tell me I didn’t drive.” Not exactly the question I wanted to ask, and by the look on her face, she knew exactly what I was getting at.

“No, you did not drive. And yes, we fooled around, but you were too piss-drunk to actually do anything more than a little oral.” She smiled then. “At least that part was nice. I will give you credit there, I got off before you passed out.” Her lilting laughter actually made me feel sick again.

“Um, okay,” I was speechless as I drew the last word out. It didn’t matter that two people had told me now that Sasha had moved on without me. I still felt like I had betrayed her by being here. Hell, maybe it was myself I was betraying, because I was still so very in love with that girl. If I could find a way to turn it off… Hell, I didn’t know if I would even spare myself this misery. Turning it off would be impossible unless I could go back and not know the girl, and my life would have been complete shit without her in it.

“Fuck, my head is pounding.” I pulled my jeans on, found my shirt, pulled it on as well, and then started tucking my feet into my socks and shoes. “I need to get back home and check in with my mom. She’s been sick, and I never told her I wasn’t coming back last night.”

“Aw, that’s sweet that you look after your mom,” Jenn spoke softly. “I’ll give you a ride over there. Your Jeep is still parked at the bar, and you don’t look like you’re in any shape to drive.”

“I’m not, thanks.” I noticed the telltale golden wrapper of a condom sticking out from under the bedding that was haphazardly thrown across the bed. “Hey,” I pointed to the damning evidence, “Are you sure we didn’t get up to a little more?” Her face turned a light shade of red as I asked the question, but she shook her head.

“Nope, tried and failed.” She sighed then. “I believe the term is whiskey dick. Your little guy was out of commission.” I flinched at someone calling my junk little, also at the fact that he had failed to launch. While I was glad that I hadn’t had sex with Jenn, I was a little discouraged by the fact that for the first time in my life my dick didn’t work. Jenn was laughing. “Don’t worry, you’re not the first guy in history to drink too much and pass out. I’m sure your ego will recover. I would even be willing to give you a second chance just based on that tongue of yours alone.”

“Great,” I sputtered out as I left the room. “I’ll wait out here so you can get dressed.”

“Oh look, it’s stud man.” Mara, I think her name was, called out to me as I moved into the living room-kitchen combination. “You guys kept me up past my bedtime with all your antics last night.” She snickered.

“I don’t think you heard what you think you did.”

“Oh, I did. Jenn was doing a lot of screaming and then a lot of complaining that you couldn’t get other parts to work.” The smirk on her face was one I really wished I could wipe off. If she was a guy, I would have punched her for that comment.

“Yep, well, that’s what happens when you drink a lot, I guess. First time for me.”

She eyed me then, “Jenn likes you. I heard you this morning, calling out another woman’s name. You did it last night too. Luckily for her, I don’t think she heard you that time. Don’t fuck with my friend. If you’re still hung up on someone else, walk away until you get your shit straight.”

“Look, I don't mean any offense, Mara, but Jenn and I aren’t in a relationship. We never even talked about it. I went out with her last night as a supposed platonic group thing. Period.”

She looked taken aback by my honesty. Then she glanced over my shoulder and her features took on a grim tone. Apparently, Jenn had been standing behind me to hear that. “It’s okay, Mara, he’s right. We were just having fun. It’s not like we sat down and had a talk about being exclusive or something.” Jenn was saying the right words, but there was a demand in them somewhere too. She wanted me, for whatever damn reason, to be with her. Exclusively. I huffed out a sigh. It was definitely time to get my ass home.

Chapter 13

Aug. 23

Do you think everyone will notice?” I asked Kristin as I stood in front of her wearing maternity jeans and a football jersey with Brad’s name and number on it. “I really need to go shopping for new clothes at this point. It’s not like I’m trying to hide my pregnancy. Obviously, people are going to know, and they’ll be talking about it by the end of the semester anyway, but I really just wanted to stave off all the questions for as long as possible until then.”

“You look fine. The jersey was a brilliant work-around, because now you can show your school spirit, and hide your baby bump all at once.” Kristin smiled as she patted my belly gently. “How many classes do you have today?”

“I only have two this morning and then the one at night.” I pulled my messenger bag with my laptop in it up close to myself, around the front, to hide what my baggy shirt did not. “I’ll be at the coffee shop in between though, pulling a short shift.”

“I don’t understand why you’re still working there right now when your mom released your whole trust to you.”

“I don’t know, I guess because it keeps me busy. Plus, I wanted to keep putting the money I earn back into my account. I have no clue how expensive babies really are, but after looking in the baby store with mom last weekend, I’m beginning to think the answer to that is VERY expensive.”

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