Page 27 of Letters to Lily

“Gotcha.” Yup, I was down to one-word responses as I remembered a rather muscular dude with dark hair who had been holding her in those pictures that Jason had sent to me. “She’s still here in school though?”

“Far as I know. I haven’t seen her around much since spring semester ended, but you know, not everyone does summer session.” A girl, who I just now realized had been waiting down on the path, not too far from where we’d been standing, called up to Andy then. “Sorry, babe.” He looked back at me, “I gotta run. She’s freaking waiting on me to buy her a latte.” He rolled his eyes before heading in her direction.

“Yeah, don’t mess with a chick’s caffeine intake first thing in the morning,” I tried for a laugh with the joke. It fell flat, even to my own ears.

“You know it, brother!” Andy replied over his shoulder as he bound off toward her. “I’ll catch you around Kade,” he called back over his shoulder.

I double-timed it back to my Jeep after that, because if I didn’t get to the gym and hit something soon, I’d probably go off on the first person that tried to speak to me. She had a boyfriend. Whether she ever cheated or not wouldn’t matter now. Trying to fix things wouldn’t matter either. She was seeing someone, and that had been confirmed by a guy we both new from high school who wasn’t Jason. I banged my head into the steering wheel for a minute, trying to hold back tears as my frustration percolated under my skin.

A knock on the side of my Jeep caught me off guard for a minute, but then I looked up to see the blond girl from the diner smiling down at me. “Jenn?” Her name was a question on my lips, because while I had given her a tour of the town a few days ago, I hadn’t really committed her to memory.

“Hey handsome, everything okay over here?” Her smile dipped into a concerned looking frown. “I saw you looking like you could use a friend and thought I’d come check.” She tipped her head back to the diner then. “They owed me a break about now anyway.”

It was only then that I noticed she had an apron on along with her nametag today. Yep, definitely Jenn. Glad I got that one right. “Thanks for checking. I’m good, just got some crazy news is all.”

She looked over the Jeep then. “About school?”

I didn’t feel like going into the whole Sasha story, so I took her question as an out, and answered accordingly. “Yeah, I had to leave last semester for family issues, and they didn’t have everything squared away like they were supposed to. No big deal, just more frustrating paperwork to do tomorrow.”

“I understand that. I had to fix some things in my schedule yesterday thanks to a big mix up with my transferable credits from the other college.” She rolled her eyes, commiserating with me. “I get off at five tonight. I was supposed to meet up with some friends of mine at Flux for Karaoke. You could join us and blow off some steam with a few shots and new friends.” Jenn seemed far too hopeful, something that should have sent up red flags, until I remembered the news I had just received.

“I’m not sure about that. I’m probably the only 19-year-old male in these parts without a fake ID.”

“Well, normally that would be a problem, but my friend, Mara, has a brother who tends bar there and a boyfriend who works the door. They always turn a blind eye for us.”

“Well, in that case, I can definitely do with a few shots and relaxation.” I purposely left out the part she mentioned earlier about ‘new friends.’

“Great, we’re all meeting over there around nine. She took out her pad with the diner tickets and wrote down her number for me. Text me so I have your number, and I’ll see you later, handsome.” She turned to go, but whipped around faster than I could track, pushed in the opened window of the Jeep, and plastered a kiss to my cheek before running back over to the diner.

It wasn’t the gym, but it looked like I found a good distraction from my situation. I hadn’t had sex in… well, since Sasha, so maybe that’s just what I needed to do. She apparently got over me quick enough to have a boyfriend she’s rarely seen without. Why shouldn’t I have a little comfort too?

I didn’t dismiss my gym idea. It was still my next stop in my day. I beat myself up doing circuits and then a long round between the heavy bag and my fists. Frustration just seemed to brew deep inside me though, and no amount of pounding the bag helped with that. Finally, I exhausted myself and went home to take a nap and re-energize for a night out with Jenn and her friends. It occurred to me that she had said something about Karaoke night. Damn it, I hated Karaoke. It meant a bunch of drunken fools getting on stage and making people’s ears bleed, all in the name of fun, and worse hangovers than imaginable.

Once I was showered, shaved, and dressed for a night out, my mom finally stopped me in the kitchen. “Hey, where are you off to looking so handsome?”

“Some chick from the diner downtown invited me out tonight.”

“Some chick?” Worry lines sprouted up on my mom’s forehead. “But,” she hesitated then decided to dig in. “What about Sasha?”

“Yeah, well, while I was gone, she went and found herself a new boyfriend.”

“Oh, Kade!” My mom’s eyes were growing suspiciously shiny and I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle her emotions on top of my own. I honestly didn’t know what my emotions were on the damn subject of Sasha. I was angry, disappointed, frustrated, gutted, and then back to angry all over again. Had I meant so fucking little to her?

“I gotta go,” I called out while avoiding looking at my mother. There was no way I could watch her fall apart, because that’s what I felt like doing on the inside. Hearing that Sasha had moved on was killing me inside already. If my mom broke down over it in front of me, I would be worthless to walk out of the house.

“I’m so sorry,” I heard my mom whisper as I studiously continued to avoid looking at her. I wasn’t sure if she intended for me to hear her, but I did. In a way, this situation was her fault, and she would carry that guilt. It wouldn’t matter to my mother that I knew it was my own doing, I was going to let her carry it, because I needed someone else to blame for tonight. I’d worry about making up for being an asshole son tomorrow.

I shut off the thoughts in my head that told me I could have charged a plane ticket to my mom’s account and come back sooner to explain what was going on to Sasha in person. Then I reminded myself how quickly everything blew up and how little time I had until I thought it was too late. My biggest mistake had been taking Jason at his word about Sasha cheating. That was what held me up from flying back and explaining the situation to her. If I had just thought things through instead of letting my dad’s past actions color my beliefs in people, I might be going out with my girl tonight.

Instead, I had to prepare myself for a different world. One in which I was going out with a hot blond tonight instead of the beautiful brunette who haunted my dreams. Jenn was no one I could ever have a serious relationship with. Her personality was just too bouncy, high-energy for me, but I could at least lose myself in her particular brand of crazy for a bit. Something had to make me forget. Just as I was pulling out of the driveway my phone buzzed an incoming message.

Jenn – Hey handsome, Mara and I are waiting outside for you.

Kade – On my way now, be there in 5.

Suddenly, I was driving myself into a new life. It was a life where Sasha would no longer have a starring role. My heart sunk deep down into my stomach and stayed buried there for the rest of my drunken night.

The weight of her arm across my chest was a heady thing. I’d been dying to feel that again for months. Her dark hair draped across me didn’t feel as silky smooth as it usually did, but maybe that was just because I had been without her for far too long. A strange smell tickled my senses too, almost a vanilla and cinnamon combination. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it definitely wasn’t her scent. She always smelled like cherry blossoms thanks to the shampoo and lotions she used. My girl was not into perfumes at all, but damn if she didn’t always smell like a million bucks anyway. “Sash, I gotta get up,” I called out to her before I opened my eyes.

---