Page 22 of Letters to Lily

“Oh, sorry man, I got hung up and wanted to know if we could meet at my apartment first. My roommate needs me to wait around for him for a few more minutes because his keys seem to have gone missing.”

“Oh, yeah, just text me the address.”

“Great, you know where the Windham Apartments are?”

I almost choked on air at the name of the apartment complex Sasha lived in. “I actually know them well.”

“Great building 1622, third floor,” a clanging noise came up over the phone, which was good, because it might have kept him from hearing how loudly my heart was hammering in my chest at that moment. “Sorry, dropped the phone. Apartment A, on the left, just up the stairs.”

The world was out to torture me. Seriously, I was done in by my emotions just then. “Yeah,” I finally managed, “Got it.” Sasha and Kristin had lived in the same building, same floor, right across the landing apparently. What a small freaking world. I would definitely have to find out how long my brother had been living next door to my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, once-upon-a-time best friend, hell I didn’t know what to call her anymore, and that caused an ache in my chest that I wasn’t prepared to deal with today, of all days. I was meeting my brother for the first time. Sure, I’d played with this kid in a sandbox when we were still in diapers, but I didn’t remember that shit, and I certainly wasn’t aware that he was my brother at the time either.

I just needed to put the Sasha stuff on the back burner long enough to get through this first meeting, and then maybe I’d pump this guy for any information he might have on the girls. A twinge of guilt rippled through my system at the thought that I was once again putting Sasha on the back burner for my fucked-up family. I wanted nothing more than to hunt her down and tell her how I’d been dying inside without her since I ran off to rescue my mom from her tragic existence. Instead, I was here, pulling up outside of her old apartment. The pain that rolled through my stomach at the fact that she was no longer there, and I had no clue where she’d gone, almost doubled me over.

I took a minute to catch my breath before I hopped out and took the steps two at a time on my way up to the third floor. As soon as I got to the top I started veering right instead of left. The only thing that saved me the embarrassment of checking to see if by some miracle Sasha had come home, was the door of the apartment on the left opening. “Hey man, I did say left side, didn’t I?” Brad, I assumed, was smiling at me from the other door. Damn if his face didn’t look a tad too much like the one that I stared down in the mirror every day. We probably wouldn’t pass for brothers from across a room, but once you got us side by side, there were too many similarities for it not to be true.

“Yeah, you did, sorry. I um,” I pointed over my shoulder at the other door. “It’s crazy, because I used to know a couple of girls that lived there before.”

He narrowed his eyes briefly, and then smiled at the door over my shoulder. “Yeah, they were great. Always giving with the fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. I miss having them live across the hall.” He patted his obviously toned midsection then. “Probably for the best though. The extra workouts during football season were starting to be brutal.” With that he moved closer and tossed one of his hands out toward me. I took it, and we shook like the manly men we were, before letting go and heading back down the stairs.

“We can hop in the Jeep and go hit up the diner you were talking about if you’ve got your roommate straightened out now,” I suggested.

“Sounds good. Yeah, I squared Mal away a minute ago. Although, I’m thinking we might need to call a locksmith. One of his girls stole his keys so he wouldn’t be able to leave her place this morning.” He chuckled. “He’s such a freaking idiot, but I’m more worried that one of the psycho chicks will actually make copies and come try to kill us in our sleep one day.”

I chanced a glance his way to make sure he was joking, but honestly, while he was smiling, he also looked a little pale at the thought. “That would not be a good way to go for you since you never reaped any of the benefits beforehand.”

He laughed. “Nah, not at all. Especially since I’m a little hung up on someone and haven’t even been on the receiving end of benefits in a while,” his admission ended in a sigh. “Probably not the best way to start out our getting to know one another session.”

“It’s all good. Hell, I’m in the same boat.” A not so humorous laugh bubbled out of me then. “Actually, my situation is much worse than that.”

“Yeah? How’s that?”

“Man, I’ve been in love with this girl almost my whole life, and through a series of super fucked-up miscommunications we managed to keep missing one another when some shit went down with my family. It was right after we just started seeing one another too.” I shook my head then, “I know that doesn’t sound like I’m making much sense, but I think the Fates or the universe, the force, or whatever is out there is seriously fucking with me. There’s no way all the shit that happened to separate us could have possibly gone down any smoother.

And now, I don’t even know how to find her to get her back. She’s just gone.” I didn’t bother to mention that I was talking about his old neighbor. I wasn’t sure I wanted to share that yet, and it was purely fear that kept it all locked up inside. As her neighbor, he’d probably have first-hand knowledge if she was with someone new when she moved. I wasn’t ready for that cold, hard dose of reality to smack me down yet. I certainly couldn’t handle it if he told me she moved in with some other guy.

Get to know my brother today, deal with my issues tomorrow. That sounded like a plan to me. Denial could get me through another day of having lost Sasha, or so I tried to convince myself.

“Well, that sucks man. Seems heartbreak and unrequited loves are both on the menu for pretty much everyone I know these days. Hell, I think my old neighbor, Kristin, had a thing for my roommate. He was too dumb to see it though, and she was too put off by his man whore ways to attempt to do anything about it.”

I would have been shitting bricks had he not mentioned Kristin by name. “That’s probably more so his loss than hers,” I muttered, knowing Kristin was a great person. “So, how did you pick this diner we’re going to? I was on campus fall semester, and lived in this town for years, but somehow never managed to go in there.”

“Prego took me there a couple weeks ago when she was drowning her disappointment in milkshakes after not being able to find out the sex of her baby. I think the diner’s milkshakes are pretty standard, but she swears they are made of magic.”

“Prego?”

He snickered, “Yep, sorry. My friend, she’s about four or five months along now and the name’s stuck ever since I found out about her baby on board.”

“Is it yours?” I asked.

“No. Her kid belongs to some douchebag. She’s still in love with him, but he ran out on her and never looked back. Fucking tragic if you ask me, because she’s this truly amazing girl. She’s beyond fucking beautiful. I can’t imagine any moron letting go of her, but to do so when she’s having your kid?” He shook his head. “I feel for her, man. Since she doesn’t have the dude around, I’ve kind of stepped in as the surrogate man to complain to, I guess. You know my mom’s situation.” He shrugged his shoulders at me.

“Of course, it probably helps that she’s beautiful too, huh?” We both laughed at that. “This wouldn’t happen to be the girl you’re hung up on, would it?” I smirk, because even the couple glimpses I’ve caught of his face as he talked about her so reverently were a dead giveaway.

My brother actually blushed before ducking his head and chewing on his bottom lip. “That would be why things are so complicated. She’s broken hearted and not ready to let go of the past. I imagine, being pregnant with his kid kind of makes that suck all the more for her with the whole trying to heal and move on bit.”

“I’m not trying to sound like an asshole or anything, but would you really be willing to do that?”

“Do what?”

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