Page 21 of Letters to Lily

Anyway, there he was, sitting on my porch steps looking almost as sulky as I was. I really didn’t understand why, because I had seen him get lots of stuffed animals and cards from some secret, and not so secret, admirers all day long. I guess boys got mad when they got stuff on Valentine’s Day. Who knew? “What are you doing here?” I asked him as I walked up thanking my lucky stars that I had wiped my cheeks free of tears one block back.

“You didn’t wait for me,” he replied softly. “I was worried.”

“Oh, I just…” I didn’t even finish my sentence because Kade stood up then, and I could see what had been sitting behind him on my porch. There was a little brown stuffed bear with a cute red bowtie that had sweet pink hearts on it, and in its paws was one of the most beautiful flowers I’d ever seen. My mom told me later that it was a lily, and it’s been my favorite flower since. It was all white in the center, but the white bled out at the tips into a purplish-pink color. It made me want to cry, because I didn’t think it was possible to get that much perfection into one beautiful thing. Then, Kade’s words stopped me dead as he watched me tear up while looking at the flower.

“It reminded me of you,” he whispered. Then he walked over to where I stood, still as a statue, and planted a sweet kiss on my cheek before walking away.

I went to bed dreaming about marrying that boy that night, but I’d never tell him that. It wasn’t the first time I had dreams about him, and it wouldn’t be the last. The next day he told me that he had the bear and flower sitting in his locker all day to give to me at lunch, but then he saw all the other girls struggling with trying to carry their books and flowers and other things all day long. He didn’t want me to have to do that so he figured he would wait until the end of the day to give it to me since we walked home together anyway. Yeah, he used stupid boy logic, but he was still trying to be sweet. I dreamed about marrying him again that night too.

Maybe you’ve put it together by now, heck, I’m sure I’ve probably told you the story of your name a thousand times over by the time you’re old enough to read and appreciate this letter, but that is how you got your name. That boy gave me this one perfect flower that meant the world to me, and later on he also gave me you. How could I not put those two gifts together?

So, Lily Caden Garrett, I’m sure you can guess where the middle name came from. There’s no big story there. I only took liberties with the spelling to make it a little more girly for you. I hope you love your name, as you grow older. I hope you love it as much as I already love you. It was so good to see you today. I can’t wait to meet you on this side of my belly one day soon.

All my love,

Your Mommy

I’d love to say I got through that letter without tears, especially after Doc told me that the baby can feel my emotions, but the tears were part happy memory too. Hopefully, that counted for something.

Honestly, it felt good to write out a beautiful memory. My heart squeezed tight in my chest as I explained why I chose my daughter’s name, but it was a happy, if slightly bittersweet, kind of squeeze. It was the kind I could live with and smile about. Those things helped take the sting out of the hurt that he wasn’t here with me for this. One day, my daughter would have a million and one stories about how her daddy and I had loved each other in our own ways over the years. I wanted her to know that even though things didn’t end up the way I had hoped, with us together, she was still the product of so much love.

When I finally put the journal away, I looked up in time to see I needed to get dinner started. Kristin would be coming in sometime soon, and I would have to run out to my one evening class not long after that. As soon as I thought of the little devil roommate of mine, a text came in from her.

Kristin: Making anything special for dinner?

Sasha: I was just thinking about that. Seems like a pasta night to me.

Kristin: Perfect. Hey, did you tell Brad and Mal about your news yet? I bet they’d love to come scarf down dinner and share in the happy with you.

Sasha: I will text now. Not the news though. They have to show up to dinner if they want the low down.

Kristin: Yes, they do. They must work for the awesomeness that is your daughter. ;)

Kristin was going to be an amazing aunt when the time came. She already loved my little one almost as much as I did. I typed out my message to both guys back to back.

Sasha (to Brad): I have news from the land of doctors and sonograms. Pasta at my place in twenty minutes if you want to hear it. :D

Sasha (to Mal): I have news about the baby. I also have food. Come hungry in twenty. I will feed you, you can pretend to care, and then I’m off to class. ;)

Brad: Be there shortly, can’t wait to hear! I have some news of my own too. Can’t wait to share.

Sasha: What news?

Brad: We can exchange news in person. See ya soon.

Mal: Awesome, love free food! ;)

Yes, I spoke to both of those boys in entirely different ways. It didn’t mean I cared about either of them any less, but I was definitely growing closer to Brad. I think the fact that he let me fall apart on his shoulder the day Jason ripped my heart out with the news about Kaden never coming back, kind of cemented that bond between us.

Chapter 10

Aug. 2

My phone buzzed with a call that I really wasn’t anticipating considering I was on my way to meet this guy for the first time ever. I picked it up after starting my Jeep. “Hello?”

“Kaden?”

“Yeah, what’s up? I was just on my way to the diner to meet you.”

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